There are lots of thinkg in life that are scary. All the good stuff usually is. Think of all the good things youve done in your life. How much of it was easy? Probably none of it was, but it was always worth the struggle, Ill bet...
Some have said that Ive got guts and a heart at the same time, its a rare combination. Most people who have survived tough moments in life become tough themselves. I never did, even when I wanted too. But that was just the way I was...and it was no surprise after all Ive been through. Dealing with life at its most painful had given me both wisdom and poise, and a great deal of compassion. I wonder many times after that night, how different my life would be now if he were still alive. I suppose I wouldnt be out here.
I wouldnt be half the person I am today. Thats all a part of me now. Its part of what makes me so special. I dont know if Id say I was lucky exactly, but maybe in a funny way I am. Ive had some damn tough things happen to me in my life, but Ive beaten them into tools I can use, and beautiful parts of myself. Thats quite a victory, even though I just thought of myself as just surviving, but I also knew that in other peoples eyes that was how it looked. I had won: I was successful. But there was more to life than that, I knew only to well. Much more. Even though I no longer had that. But whatever I had or didnt have in my life at certain times or not at all anymore, I still felt better about life and myself everytime I wrote something from my heart....