I met you when my crippled heart no longer believed in love. Love wasnt what we were about. A little fun, a lil wild, some hot sweaty sex for sex'x sake. Poor Larry. One day he decided he had nothing worth having, off he went in cyber land looking for the missing pieces. We met online, but I got to know him on the phone, and I fell for him in his arms, in hotel rooms, the back of the truck, in empty parking lots at 2am. No one under stood him, he was all alone in his "lifestyle". I was coming off a strong man who decided he didnt want me anymore, and told me so, in kind but definite words. A rare man among men. I needed a strong man, I thought. And I thought I had found one. A master to subdue me. I was daddees slut. My love promised to show me the world, to open my eyes to things unknown, to make the family "we" both wanted. I found that I was the only one trying to live that dream. The man I was sleeping with wasnt who I thought he was. Larry is whomever you dream him to be. He fills up with your desires and dreams and spits them back at you until you think you've met the one person in the world that understands you. I was pregnant the first time he left. 8 Months latter he came back. Spent Bout 8 wks with me, then off on the road. Only to go back to OLD drama. Gone Again. I saw him the night before I was scheduled for a c-section. He could have chosen to stay and watch his son be born. But he didnt. He had to many women to please. And his son and I were low on the list that week. He came back again when his son was 3 months old. He held him. He watched him. He got high and drunk and left him in a crib to cry for 4 hours unchanged and unfed. He stole my rent money and I made him leave. It was too much he told me. Katrina had played a personal role in his life. Family was missing. I'll never really know if any of that was true. He wanted to come back. And I told him I was tired of him running. He needed a divorce to truly leave his wife. Drop the safety net and make a real try at a life. He ended up in LA, with another woman. He called and messaged me online. Still the same old Larry. He left her and went home to his wife. Then to another woman. I saw a different man every time I spoke to him. Some better, some worse, all LIARS. His wife almost divorced him, then she got word he was on his way here on a bus and picked him up?? Ill never know if she is stone stupid or a saint...I'd guess somewhere in the middle. For Love. WHat we all do for love around this man. Larry convinces his wife to rent him a car...he is back on his way to the last other woman. And he meets MR Law man on the way. An old crime with perfect timing. My stupid heart hurts to think of him lying on a mat on a cement floor, having to ask other inmates to use the bathroom because he is shuffled from over crowded cell to cell. I make him an offer. Come here, get a job, watch your son in the evenings while I work, and make yourself a life. Pay back the bail I put up and move on with your life your way. No wife, no gf. Larry couldnt handle that. He started with all the promises and bull I didnt want to hear. And then when he arrived here I got such attitude because I was going to hold shit over his head. Hell I never got a thank you. He pretended to be my man so I would take care of him again. So i would pay the bills and fill his needs. Tell me how can you be master when you have to ask for beer money. How do you expect to keep a slave when you need to be taken care off. I am strong because Ive had to be. I am the single mother of 2 boys. I pay all my bills and take care of all their needs. Dont tell me you want a strong open mind and then catch an attitude because I am the alpha. This time ended with an over protective cop who lost his sister to domestic violence and took special care of me. Checking on me. Larry went back to jail. And I cried. Cried for all the lies. Cried for all the women he has to have as his attention whores. Cried for giving it one last chance as his friend and still there is nothing of honor there. He doesnt care for his son. And that is all I ever wanted. I cried over a song and my son wiped my tears away. He told me "mommy dont cry" and I told him I was sorry for picking Larry to be his father, that He was a bad daddy. And my 3 yr old said "that's just daddy and I have my family. You and Meme and mom n pop" And I realized my son couldnt miss what he never had. That I would miss those things for him and he would never feel the pain. One day when my son is a man and his father sees the mistake he has made by abandoning him he will have to deal with his father. And I will raise him strong and honorable. And my little man will know whats best to do then. And if he walks away, Larry you have no one to blame but yourself. I have torn my life apart too many times to include you. I have tried to be your soul mate, your lover, your friend. There is your side of the story. But you never deserved anything that has happened to you. Poor lil Larry was always wronged. At some point you have to stand up and take responsibility for your future. You will never find the slave you desire when the same woman busts her ass to pay your every bill. Your mixing natures. You once were so in my head you could finish my sentences. You didnt learn anything there though. I still love you... But I can be and do anything I like. You hate that I dont need you only want you. And worse then that, now I dont even want you. Your fantasy is old and ill never be Daddy's girl again. You profess to be sooo in the lifestyle that your marriage is NOW in jeopardy.LOL. The indecent experiences you've had behind closed doors is NOT considered the lifestyle. Child abuse and deviant behavior born of need is not a life choice. You have no experience in what you profess to be into. Camming with someone spanking themselves doesnt count, burning ya ex with cig butts doesnt count.HAve your wife sell her soul to play with you but she is again your safety net, an excuse for not being real. I couldnt bear your pain when you were here because I couldnt feel your love. Your need is born in anger and hate. And your $#^%** slaves dont truely understand how much you truly want to tear them apart. Very nearly literally. I do. I've always understood. But your too afraid to play with me. Your too afraid to love me. To afraid to experience anything REAL. Your just afraid and you will live like a scared lil man behind your screen and keyboard pushing aside any of us who cared because its easier to love n leave an internet slave never caring for their feelings. Alone along the hard road you made..
