Lacey's blog: "My Journey With Cancer"

I have to choose a font and I am not going to be using the 'terminal' font thats for sure  lol

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer on October 3, 2011. 

Needless to say, my world has been turned upside downa down and it will  probably never straighten out again.

What do you do when life throws such a curve at you ? I am not the first, and unfortuantly , I will not be the last .

But I am still here. Still standing. I find myself tossed between the storms of tears, anger, denial, terror. Terror being the

most prominant of these. Occaisionally I find myself in a time of peace, where the wind itself stands silent and nothing moves around me.

Those are the times I can breathe.

In those times, I think not about the future so much, but about the past. How I have lived my life so far. What I have done, and what I have failed to do.

The things that are important in life seem to stand up in front of you , in bright neon colours, brash and unforgivng, so that you cannot

miss them .

I have missed alot of them .

I don't know if I have time to fix that. I don't know if some can even be fixed. But I do know that I wll try my best to spend whatever time I have left, whether it  be 30 days or 30 years to make up for the things that I have failed to do. To forgive those I have nt forgiven. To love those I have not loved. To love those that are unlovable, as I have so often in y life been unlovable and I understand the pain that comes with that.

If you have read so far, then please read a little farther. This poem sums it up...

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

© 1996 Linda Ellis

www.lindaellis.net