PART ONE: Today's entry 9:26am Monday Sept. 25, 2006
Most people I talk to tell me that they have no fears of any kind other than the normal "fear of water, or fear of fire, or fear of being smothered" that type of stuff. I think that everyone has some type of fear of that physical aspect of dying that way. I know I have a fear of Snakes, especially boas or pythons that are big enough to eat someone like me for lunch. But those are just your normal everyday fears that basically are like the boogyman, you can usually get over them as you get older, or not as the case may be. It all depends on the person and their state of mind. Some of those fears never go away.
For me the snake one will never go away, but that isn't my greatest fear.
My greatest fear is, not knowing my greatest fear. Or rather not knowing what that greatest fear actually is. Even though I have an idea that something is not what is seems in the back of my mind, I always manage to push it to the furthest reaches of my mind and lock them away as tightly as possible...make a fortress if you will that is impenetrable...and let it seemingly wink out of my life without some much as a by your leave. Ignore it if you will, until it ceases to exist. But it doesn't cease to exist. It only gets buried further and further down until it just lies there dormant, waiting for something to trigger it and start the small flame of doubt and fear. But I don't see it, and I don't realize that its there waiting to become stronger again. Waiting to rule my life all over again.
The bad thing about all this is that, I "DON'T" know what my greatest fear is. But at the same time, I have an idea as to what it is as well. Weird logic I suppose, but that's the thick of it, I know but I don't know.
