Days like today remind me of why I tried to kill myself many times. Today was a nice slightly warm day. I was surrounded by my family and friends were texting me and calling on my cellphone. I should of been happy to have all of this going for me today. Yet, all I feel is sadness and doom. I wonder why I even bother to try to be happy when all I get is pain and misery. I have completely given myself over to someone when they themselves have stopped giving me any of their time. Why do I try? Why does the thought of him spending his time with others hurt me so? He makes me feel special when he does call but that is so rare now that I feel like if I call him I am only in his way....
Maybe this is what I am supposed to feel like for the rest of my life. I don't think I am allowed to be happy anymore if that is the case then I will be that forever. I am sorry most of you have to read this to see how much I pretend to be what everyone wants to see. I pretend to be happy and care-free while inside I am crying and dying begging for death's sweet release. It is horrible that one man can make me feel this way just by not calling me once a day. There is no song, story, nor movie that can explain how I feeling today. If you truly do want to know how I am then imagine if you will, a man or woman you love spending all their free time on the phone with another when they promise to call you and never do. Then speak to them online for ten mintues then they log off to call someone else rather than spend what little time you do have on the computer with you. It is harder than you think especially if your love is pure and true.
Sorry you had to read this.....
~Laura~
