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Guess I am kinda down in the dumps today, more so then normal.
I have 3 son's who are in their 20's , one is just turning 18.
I have a son name Christian who is a smart ass but very social able most of the time level headed.
He moved out of our home when he was 16, reasons I can only guess at a few. One we lived in a housing complex well lets just say for the lack of a better word.. a shit hole.
We tried so hard for so long to get out of that place, it was dangerous couldnt go out side to many bullys you felt like a prisoner in your own home.
We didn't have the best of things, yanno furniture, clothes etc but hell we tried our dammest to give our kids the best of things we could get.
Any how he moved out, broke my heart but I felt he needed to fly and I would be there when he fell.
He wanted the life his friends had, a nice home , good furniture, yanno the rich kinda life. And was ashamed of his back ground and well I can only assume his family.
We were finally able to move out and found a nice home closer to were he lived with his soon to be wifes family.
I thought being closer, in a nice place desent furniture we would see him more. Not the case..he only came around when he was upset, or needed something.
We would basically beg him to come over spend some time...it was like pulling teeth .
We then realized we were not the family he wanted, he treates his mother and father in law like as if they were his parents. He would bend over back wards to do what ever he wanted.
But when it came to us ..we had to beg and then only to be let down.
It just kills me inside knowing this. I know he cares for his father but he lets him down to and that hurts and nothing I say or do matters.
He just gets angry and avoids me even more. I dont know how to communicate to him with out him going off all the time.
He once gave me a ride to the hospital for a x ray and made the comment that "well mom, dad is working , derek is working, and gideon is on disabiltiy, I guess your the only mooch they have to support huh?
And he expected me not to be upset over that statement
We got invited to his engagement part, and we met him at his mother and father in laws home to follow to the place. Out of the blue he mentions my buddy in pittsburg, why dont know. I felt like a fool all those eyes on me.
I ask him weeks later why he felt the need to center me out infront of his friends bring up my bud from pittsburg. His lame excuse was , well I just didnt want you guys to be alone. Like wtf. How in hell would we be alone, hubby was with me and derek and gideon.
I know he resents me in some way or shape for what I am not to sure. I have tried to talk to him about it and get it out in the open but that was useless.
I love him so much that will never change , as a mom you would understand where I am comming from here.
I just wish I knew how to get threw to him and let him know its killing me in side.
well guess I should stop whinning and just buck up and carry on. :(
