Tennessee Tiger's blog: "My Craziness"

I am sure that all of you have heard the saying... "People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME." Well, some thoughts on what that means... When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

After a while..... You learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. Souls are not made to be chained, but hands are made to be held, and these are two things that are quite different. You learn love does not mean leaning on someone else's shoulder of companionship, does not mean security, and you understand that presents are not promises and kisses are not contracts. You learn love is something that you cannot describe until you are in it, and even then it's indescribable. You learn to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes wide open, learning from and embracing each and every one with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your life's roads on the rock of your wisdom today, because tomorrow's trails forged through sand will surely fail with such frail foundations, so easily erased by the winds of the world and sands of time. You learn to build your heart's home on a foundation of rock, because winged dreams have a way of falling to earth in mid-flight, and those sands of time are far too easily blown away by those winds of the world. This truth you now know, no matter if you have built that home of and on what you perceived as stone in the past, you now recognize it as vapors of dreams wings. So your heart's building begins anew, in a different place, of a different pace, slowly, determined, and wise. You learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn you really can endure, you really are strong, you really do have worth, and tending your own garden will produce the bounty of your love for yourself, decorated with flowers the colors of your own soul, and those important souls in your life will come to you for respite. You learn loneliness experienced in a room full of people has been your way most of your life, and finally recognize the wonder in the knowledge you can be alone, happy in your own company, comfortable in your own skin, alone, yes, but not lonely. You learn the pain you have suffered in your heart has taught you how to appreciate joy, because without that pain you would have no way to compare the two. You cease cursing that pain, for it has taught you well. You learn the pain you have endured in your body now serves as a measuring stick and for a measured reason you are still alive. You wonder what wonders await this lifetime, as pain crippled your broken body, mind, and heart for a time, you now recognize that extremes such as these simply foretell the extraordinary on this mortal plane...and hint at spectacular events still to come. You learn the things and feelings you took for granted before, you will no more. Feelings you had accepted without a fleeting thought, you will savor and cherish and count, remembering for all the rest of your days on this earth. You learn the most important things in this life are yours already, have no cost, yet are and will always be your ability to feel and recognize the things, feelings, and relationships that are truly priceless. You learn you do not know everything, that you barely know anything, only an infinitesimal portion of the vastness of infinite knowledge, and you are grateful. Grateful to finally know how little you know, you embrace the learning of learning. With every goodbye in your life, you learn. With every hello in your life, you learn. And you learn there will surely be another goodbye…and hello.

What is this thing called love. It comes on so sweetly, so good, so fulfilling. It is wild and free and everything you want. It is a dream that continues into the day, a desire that is met by only one. It's the touch of a hand that sends shivers down your spine and the breath you take in of that one special one whose aroma you want to always be with you. It's the need to hear their voice at odd times during the day for no real reason. It's the feeling of being safe. And then it fades somehow. I don't understand that part at all. Something that promises forever in the beginning, that feels so right and so real and so strong...where does that go? How can it end like that? Why won't it stay and keep you warm and safe? Is love only given to us for a short time (even several years doesn't seem like enough) only to have your heart break in the end...to be sad and lonely and searching for that feeling again...only to have that repeat itself and have the cycle keep going until we die? I don't understand it...but I do know that is what I want. To feel warm, safe, adored, loved, desired, appreciated, wanted.........happy...... once again.