just a lost kitten's blog: "My blogs"

have you ever had one of those days where you wonder does it really matter? Disenchantment is always waiting around the corner every time you think you have figured things out and find faith in humanity only to have someone turn around and screw it all up. I'm fine, i and for those who know me no i don't want to talk about it.

Broken promises lay scattered across the floor Shimmering in the remains of a broken heart Morals torn asunder by a faithless heart So afraid to stand up to the rest Fickle in heart and deed What was lost to great to be known Was what was gained worth the words to mention Promises and love always ended Ended with the tragic caress and careless action Words left unspoken Anger hidden within Hurt banished behind a cheered smile Tears a silent brush of diamonds against heated cheeks No sound made to show emotions felt Kept in place hidden from the world to see Trust betrayed A forgotten friend after so many injuries How many hurts can one heart take before it goes cold Uncaring of the gentler things in a turn away from love and hope

Obsession Each waking moment my arms long for yours to hold me, your lips brushing over mine in a fierce kiss of branding How many years and life times have i known you, yet each seem to slip away before I can claim you Once a gentle sweet love now your surrender is my obbsession waiting ,watching, dreaming blood rushing through my viens with its bitter sweet call of victory soon ill have you my love Your kisses growing more and more hungry, as though enternity will never be enough to quench your thirst the thrist of my lips and body, even my soul your mind accepting my thoughts and ways each touch more and more brazon you play a game with me you can not win your body soul and mind will be mine! I accept nothing less life times have gone by, each one longer and longer til my soul screamed Bewitching and enchanting youve stolen my soul, the price is yours in return Tormenting, pushing, struggling will pitted against will soul for soul no poiton i could create, would revial your love so strong and powerful ... i must have it , and have it I shall be ware my sweet love your my obbession, one I will have until forever has come and gone only to start again forever, enternity and always my obbession, my love forever eternity and always I will be yours as you will be mine always.

MY LOVERS EMBRACE the rain gently pelting the ground beating in time with our hearts gentle caresses smooth my worries away the soft cry of a owl echoing softly in the distance reminding me we are secluded no one can harm us here in out lovers paradise his gentle kisses telling me of his love holding me tightly as though he will never let me go safety and warmth is what I feel soft sighs escaping my throat as tension leaves me his hand always there for me to hold his smile always guiding my way when im in his arms we have no need to speak his soul knows mine like it is one lovers always soul mates and friends what would I do without him how would I live secluded in his arms is where I pray I always am safe from the world and safe from its pain secluded with his love forever love safety and happiness forever ours

LOST WITHOUT YOU Cold and empty My soul longing for yours When you left my heart broke in two Never to be mended Empty touches Cold barren kisses Each more empty then before Why can none take your place The shadows of our love shinning brightly A eternal flame forever bright Why were you taken from me I thought our god was kind and loving To young to die A life not even begun You saw life through a child's innocent eyes But those eyes are forever blinded Shadows of a love Embers of a live lived together Will they always rule my heart and body Or will one day the shadow and embers be just a warm memory A warm memory seeming cold against the blaze of our love Shadows of love forever ruling me Never to be... Never to be freed from this cage If only I were freed

THE KNIGHT OF THE OLD WAYS THERE ONCE WAS A KNIGHT OF THE OLD WAYS TALL WITH HAIR THE COLOR OF THE EARTH FAIR OF HEART AS IN DEED GENTLENESS WAS HIS WAY HIS EYES LIKE THAT OF A SPRING MORN HIS HEART WAS PURE HIS HANDS GENTLE HE KNEW THE CODE OF HIS KIND HE WAS ONE OF THE FEW WHO OBEYED THE LAWS OF OLD HIS ARMS A HAVEN OF SAFETY A PLACE I CAN HIDE FROM THE WORLD FROM THE PAIN OF MY PAST AND THE UNCERTAINTY OF THE FUTURE A FRIEND I MUST STAY FOR HIS CODE OF THE OLD WAYS HIS HEART BELONGS TO ANOTHER HIS KISSES NEVER TO BE MINE TO BE SEEN AS A SISTER NEVER A LOVER I SMILE DESPITE THIS KNOWING HIS PURE HEART SHALL STAY UNSTAINED BY MY THOUGHTS SUCH THOUGHTS A MAID SHOULD NOT HAVE I WATCH HIM FROM THE SHADOWS PRAYING TO THE GODS FOR HIS SAFETY JOY FILLS MY HEART SEEING HIM RETURN LONGING TO RUN TO HIM LONGING TO THROW MYSELF UPON HIM KEEPING MY CONTROL I WATCH HIS LOVE WELCOME HIM HOME WISHING IT WAS MY ARMS HE WAS IN AND I IN HIS MAY THE GODS WATCH YOU MY KNIGHT MAY YOU ALWAYS RETURN MY SECRET LOVE MY SECRET DREAM KNIGHT OF THE OLD WAYS NEVER STRAY FOR YOU ARE WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF

Why Can't I Forget? The nights whispers a constant reminder of what was lost Each rustling leaf seems to mock a choice made Why can't I forget? Each smile making me remember a happier time A time that included him Memories were supposed to bring happy moments to mind Yet they turn treacherous every night as I lay in bed Replaying each loving kiss and gentle caress I had thought my choice was right and well made Not expecting the regret that besieges with a stream of endless tears Everyone says to smile and let life go on How can life go on with a heart that no longer cares to beat in rhythm? If time heals all wounds how much longer must I wait? Perhaps some broken hearts are never meant to mend Forever trapped in a circle of regret and pain Once I took solace in the moons silvered glow Comforted with its constant presence Now it's nothing more then a reminder of a love that was ended to soon Careless words and actions breaking a promise of forever Even the suns constant bright warming touch leaves me cold Making me long for the warmth of his arms around me Each night as I lay down I swear it will be the last time I think of him as sleep takes me Every morning proves my resolve to weak Why can't I forget him? Why does every laugh leave me wanting to scream in frustration? Will I ever forget the gentle care he showed with each action and deed? The Fates are cruel and uncaring to a broken heart Promising relief that will never come until I can forget But can I ever forget a love that should have never been broken?

Alice Is this how Alice felt? Is this how life seemed through the looking glass? A world reversed of what it should be Caring turned to disinterest Loving laughter spun into an unsettling silence of a cold look Alice how did you survive such a cruel place Can you tell me its secrets? Would you guide me out of this nightmare that doesn't seem to end? We both promised forever Did I linger to long with the white rabbit? I ate no mushroom and took no potion Alice come back through the looking glass Show me where I went wrong How can I fix things in a world that makes no sense? Love and promise brought you through safely Alice tell me how what saved you has doomed me this night Did I not bow deeply enough to the Red Queen? Were my songs not sweet enough to charm the dragons? Mister Mad Hatter no I do not want any tea Alice where are you! Come back and show me the way through the rabbit's hole to return to where I belong How could a few words unthinkingly spoken bring about this change? Mister Caterpillar please stop smoking your hookalah Each wispy puff of its shimmering smoke shows me what could have been Broken dreams seem to pave the walkways Whispering of what I should have said and done Alice is this how you felt? Won't you come back to this mad world and show me the way home I have to go back I've been away to long I've forgotten how to smile and laugh Music's melody no longer plays in my head within this strange place Alice please tell me this is nothing more then a nightmare I will soon wake from Tell me when I open my eyes once more I will be in his arms where I belong Is this how you felt Alice? Spinning through a world of madness where sanity should reign Make it stop Undo the careless words and fears that brought them to sound Alice can I turn back time and go home? I promise this time I will be aware This time I will do as I should and not let fear and madness stop me Is this how you felt Alice? Lost in a world of madness that makes no sense at every turn I know I shouldn't have run Alice So now I walk and yet the distance remains the same Tell me Alice how can I go back to where I was? Back when life and love made sense without the cold distance of hurt Is this how you felt Alice? Lost and trapped with no way out No chance to set right what went wrong If this is how you felt Alice come back and show me how to make it right Tell me how to fix what was broken I can not stand another day in this confusing place Empty of love Trapped within a world of pain and tears Broken hearted and once more alone Is this how you felt Alice Tell me Alice how did you get home?

Time I sit still in silence to think and remember trying to understand the passing of time and the loses it brings. It knows no pause for despair or tears. No way to return to the past and what could have been. Only what is. Time is such a simple thing. Really only a creation from the minds of men to mark their lives. How I wish we could break that which humanity created so carelessly. Days pass into weeks. Weeks to months and years. Each season bringing a gentler source of pain. Tears softer like a summer mist rather then a winters storm. All things change with time. The one thing constant in all of humanity. Each heart beat a clicked second upon the clock of life. another poem I wrote for my Dad. 12-18-06

Think and Remember I wish I could rewind time to see your smile one more time. To hear the laughter that came so easily with a warm smile. The warmth of a protective hand on my shoulder. To hear the warmth of your voice shooing away a child's troubled fears. Is it wishful thinking that I hear your voice on a stray breeze? The warmth of your hand upon my shoulder when I grow to troubled? A man larger then life A man who filled so many broken hearts with hope and love once more. Could death truly take you away from us so fully. Never to see or feel your touching presence once more. A cynical mind would say yes. How could such a thing be? Yet I know each spring your there. Nurturing and renewing hope as always within me. Keeping me warm and safe in winters harshest of storms. A guiding hand on my shoulder and steering when the road grows to long. Death may have taken you from us. Yet not even death can keep us from you. I know all I have to do is close my eyes to see you once more. Think back and remember to hear your laughter. All I have to do is think and remember.. a poem I wrote for my Dad. 12-18-06