Piss f kss aka PoD's blog: "My Blogs"

I just wanted to write and let you know what effect the song "Tough" had on me. My dad had wanted me to download the song "Tough" and listen to it. Well with a song named "Tough" I didn't know what to expect at all before listening to it. When I had finally downloaded it a few days later and listened to it for the first time...I had to just sit there a bawl. For what I was hearing was my father describing my mother. My mother was always the first one up in the morning making my dads lunch for the day and getting us kids up and off to school. My dad worked long days being a construction worker so my mother was the one to tend to the daily errands and business. When my brother was about 5 he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. And so as he lived his life, the disease of course progressed and so did the necessary things like therapy and doctor appointments which had to mean more responsibility on my mom to take my brother to his appointments. And then when I got into high school I joined the marching band which then meant my mother had to bring me to practice, football games, and even came to my competitions although I always rode the bus with the band. The in the fall of 2001 my mother was then diagnosed with breast cancer. This was never thought to have ever happened to anyone in our family. My brother was only 21 and I was only 19. Not something you would expect to hear when your so young...that your mother has breast cancer. She proceeded to go through chemo treatment and fight it. My mother was never one to give up on anything. And she wasn't about to start. She fought it hard and in early summer in 2002 she was put in remission. We were relieved and blessed that God had answered our prayers. But we knew that of course there was a chance that it would come back. But we just lived on and made the best of each year after. I went on gave my parents 3 wonderful grandchildren between the years 2001 and 2005. Then in January of 2006 we had gotten the news that it had came back and that she would have to fight again. This was the hardest time of all. She got very sick and couldn't even walk without complications and help because she was so sick. The she had a doctors appointment in Feb and the doctor admitted her to the hospital because she didn't have any white blood cells and had many different infections. While in the hospital she had to go through blood platelets and as well as chemo. She had to get hit hard with the chemo for us to see if there was any effects. She had gone through 2 different chemos, then we had found out it had gotten to her liver. The doctor said there was one last chemo that wouldn't kill the cancer but could keep it at bay and possibly giver her more time to live. She okayed it and went ahead and did the chemo. About a few weeks later we found out that the chemo was working and had stopped the cancer from spreading even more but the sad part was that by this time my mother was tired of being poked and pronged by needles and was too weak to fight any longer. She had then shared with the doctor and the family that she made the decision to go into Hospice Care. That was very hard to take in. Knowing that she knew...and we knew that then it was only time...time we had no clue in calculating how long we had. Then on March 22, 2006...2 days before her 55th birthday she was transported from the hospital to Hospice. Then us being the family had just made it a point to go and visit her and see her as much as we possibly could. I would go every morning and stay until I'd have to come home so my husband could go to work on 2nd shift. And my father and brother was there everyday, all day. I of course would also go during the weekends and whenever possible. Then on the evening of May 1st 2006...of course I had already been there and had to come back home...I had gotten a call from a number I did not know but knew it was a cell phone and I answered it knowing that it had to be 'the call'. It was my father with the news that I didn't not want to hear but yet knew it was a reality. My mother had passed away. Since then it has been hard for my father, brother and myself to try to live life without a piece of us that has been there for such a long time. Me being 24 with 3 children and not being able to ask my mother for guidance, and for my brother to have to rely on aids and others to help him daily and nightly when it use to just be my mom. And of course for my dad who had a life long partner for 20+ years...is now having to re-adjust to living without her. It's very hard but as time passes you do get more and more use to it. I just am very grateful for the song "Tough" because if fully describes my mother to a T on how her life was lived. Straight from the first getting up in the morning, to the 5 years being diagnosed before her passing, and even the wearing her wig and pink breast cancer ribbon to church. The song means alot and will always remind us on how my mother lived her life. I send great thanks and a virtual hug to Craig who was brave enough to sing such a powerful and emotional song..that I'm sure means alot to those families who have lost a wonderful woman to this harsh disease. Thank you again and may God Bless you and your family, Dawn (P.S. I have attached 2 different pictures. One is of my mother in December of 2005 before she got really sick and the other is a picture both parents, and was taken in Feb 2006 just a week or so before my mother was admitted to the hospital.)

This blog says it all...

You know me not by day, The night is my domain, That is where you come for me. I long for your peaceful slumber, When the spinning of your mind ceases, No longer diverting the pursuit of pleasure. I wait impatiently, Lonely for your touch, Until you dream once again. That place beyond is where you find me, Forever there, I am drunk with anticipation, Writhing, ready for your touch. Impale me, That is what I'm pleading for, Pervasion, The surging passion of union, Divine intoxication; Is it ecstasy or madness? Rest in me; calm yourself in my still waters, Raging as a tempest against your shore, Awaken not, once more without me. A prisoner, existing only for your embrace, Reason erases remembrance when you arise. By day it holds me hostage, or is it you bound by this quest? Always retreating, I keep you with iron chains, Invisible, yet strong as spider's webs, That no man can tear asunder. Goddess, granting secret desires, With deathless lips I call out to you, Breathless, "Release me from this exile." Pierce deeply with your sword, Bring me forth into the dawn, To be scorched by the blazing sun, made One. But alas, day again, your memories fleeting, The feel of soft skin fading, Hard armor cracking, was it a fantasy? "No", I cry out, "It was real", Can you not hear me, even now, Beckoning from the void? Like an elusive thought, Skimming the outskirts of your mind, Torrid rustling, tantalizing imagination with desire. Logic banished me; he is king of Day, Contemplating the loss of his empire. He must not risk entrapment by a siren, a bewitcher of men, Who would captivate, fascinate This would be loner, stretching archer, Weakening defenses, distracting from his aim. After Sunset, you are mine, Always returning, Discernment cannot control you then, For I am Queen of Night, Reflecting like a silver moon, The word of truth, echoing faintly in your ears. How can Judgment be right to keep you from me? It tries to hold you torn, not knowing, Destiny unrecognized, longing, In the stirring silence of morning. You must decide, worthy virgin or scarlet whore, Treacherous vixen, or sacred priestess, Leading to a paradise not yet found? You will discover TRUTH, When you defeat Separation and deliver me, Allowing me to permeate your fortress. Only when Night and Day unite, And reign together as One, Will there be peace in your tormented land. Oh noble knight, see me as I am, Look into my eyes, face your fear. Mine is not a lying mouth, whispering sweet nothings. I beg you to release me; do not forsake me this time. Take me with you into the light, And I will guide you to a Nirvana of delight. ~ Please Re-Member Me ~

Why Must You Why must you hound me to do something I don't want to? Why must you test me To see what I am bound to? Why must you hurt me to see how many tears I can shead? Why must you tempt me to see which way I am lead? Why must you question me after you have heard what I said Why must you read me to get inside my head? Seems that you haven't heard me so it must be that I'm dead You have ruined the friendship and any kinship that we've had So is it me that is all that bad? *This is my first poem I've ever written. I wrote it a couple of weeks ago.*