MONICA THE GREAT PM ME IF YOU CRUSH ME's blog: "musing by monica"

created on 11/09/2008 | http://fubar.com/musing-by-monica/b258136 | 2 followers

posted on 02/25/2010&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;05:02&nbs-08:00;pm

love and whatever
http://fubar.com/love-and-whatever/b258136-1103365

i am back to thinking that the best kind of love, the truest and most devoted is self love. i do not think i have met anyone with the correct capacities to fully understand my inner workings, to comprehend the vast space that is my desire for all things knowledge and to be the correct source of that knowledge. I want to be alone, not marked as single, i love friends and do not posess anyone. i do not want to be marked as in a relationship and would be pissed at anyone that gives this mark to me.

i love, have loved, have been burned (thank you fubar), now i know what it is like to truely love with out a man, woman or donkey.

Does this make me a whole person, or still a half without the other side to fit. i know my preference

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posted on 12/27/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;04:12&nbs-08:00;am

HELP...I think
http://fubar.com/help-i-think/b258136-1093480

I should think it suicidal, my desire for escape. Although it is not the death of my body that I long for but the death of the decisions that have lead me to the desire. I accept that suffering is as it should be, a notion that gives me strength to continue because I am constantly waging against this emotion and therefore I am more honorable by comparison. Should I have ignored this fact, and instead accomplished my own desires, where would the suffering of my soul be then? Lost I suppose, lost with the desire for suicidal escape.

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posted on 12/24/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;06:12&nbs-08:00;am

I have been reading to much damn ayn dnd
http://fubar.com/i-have-been-reading-to-much-damn-ayn-dnd/b258136-1093122

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posted on 11/16/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;05:11&nbs-08:00;pm

punch drunk by life
http://fubar.com/punch-drunk-by-life/b258136-1084592

I quit my job on friday. I interviewed for another job on sunday. I unquit my job today, and then "quit" the job I interviewed for.

I have never had job this long, and it has only been 2 years. I wonder if others can't stand working where they are at, but then can't stand the thought of leaving.

feeling a little crazy about the whole situation actually. I want to know what normal is, do people go to their work, tolerate the boredom that ensues when the same damn task is requested over and over and over again until the only solution is to quit but keep doing it anyways cause that is what you do when you are a "grown up?"

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posted on 10/21/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;04:10&nbs-07:00;pm

Brief thoughts on want
http://fubar.com/brief-thoughts-on-want/b258136-1075685

Considering that the hearts desire of every individual walking this planet can conceivably be different, and that if each of these individuals were able to have whatever it is that is that want, that desire, that waking need, would this push the world into a chaos that could be the end of all, or, would it elevate the society as a whole because from the point of birth, individual want is accepted, nay beyond tolerance, encouraged by the population as a whole. Therefore this desire becomes aligned with a calling from god to the priesthood, one that would be akin to sin to ignore.

It is what I can understand of society as a whole that this is not the case. Have individuals been taught since birth, that the community wants are of greater import then those that are harbored within our recognition, and this then creates a dysfunctional society, one that will turn these individuals to perform outrageous acts against the society that frustrates and enrages the personal identity, and want? Is this indeed the core of evil, the idealized society that community is above the individual wants, that the good of the many outweigh the good of the few, that taking this idea to the level of discouraging individual “selfish” freedom to ambitiously achieve their core want, has created the neglect and abuse of the community by these very same “individuals”?

I can attest the desire, the choking want that has become a wellspring of misery within my own person because of this frustration; however I have been given the opportunity to know that my hearts desire is plausible. I have been one to challenge that society, those others that are a part of my community, will not benefit from their conception of what I want. I have, against the wishes of those that hold my best interest in their hearts and therefore are the most dangerous, done what I wanted. From that perspective I have found true delight, when I have followed my want, I have found happiness and from that happiness a functionality that is beneficial to myself, and in turn has become beneficial to those that surround me.

There are times when this want, desire, this selfish joy has been misdirected and it has been at a cost of my own esteem, my own person. I have had to learn the lessons of boundaries, but if these lessons are to be the guide for my future actions, then why is it so difficult to adhere to them? If I want something that is not possible, based on these boundaries, it is suitable to argue that I cannot have this want fulfilled. But because of this knowledge, the knowledge of what I cannot have, I am therefore left with this unfulfilled, unchecked and un seeded desire. I am choking with misery, tears of frustration well up in my eyes at the very thought of this inability to fulfill my want, and the very fact that I cannot accept that this want will be left as it is, unfulfilled, is driving me into that very state, as mentioned above, that will create a negative impact on those around me.

To live is to want, to want is to know, to know is to have joy. To want without the fulfillment of knowing, is to have pain and suffering, is it better to not want after all, so there is not that off shoot of suffering? Given that knowing what you want, and not achieving or having that want fulfilled is akin to the most miserable sorry state a human can suffer?

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posted on 09/26/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;04:09&nbs-07:00;pm

the things i have learned
http://fubar.com/the-things-i-have-learned/b258136-1066504

New fun fact:

Vegas "escorts" earn 500 bucks for a blow job

This public service announcement brought to you by Monica

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posted on 09/08/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;02:09&nbs-07:00;pm

WARNING SCAM ARTIST ON FUBAR
http://fubar.com/warning-scam-artist-on-fubar/b258136-1061813

Please shout box me for the name of the member.

He is alterzing people to look generious but he is forcing them to buy him a happy hour and a auto and a bomb so he can get the rates, and then advertises that he is doing this out of the kindness of his heart.

He took me for 17 million when I tried to exchange an auto with him yesterday, he paid me back because he called it a misunderstanding, but I am out 4 million fubucks and he has developed a reputation as a good businessman, when in actuallity he is a terrible swindler, the worst fubar seems to have created.

This is just a warning, do not do business with someone that "offers" to alterize you so you can get points, it is a scam.

Shout box me for the name if you have had this happen tell me, so we can stop this member from taking advantage of others!

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posted on 08/29/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;08:08&nbs-07:00;pm

shocking news
http://fubar.com/shocking-news/b258136-1059337

My ex husband asked me to marry him today, again. Now it is all I can think about.

I have been painting a two story house and gargage, and am almost done, I am so sore and tried from this, but that is all I can thnk about, is this oddball out of the blue (he has a girlfriend) proposal.

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posted on 07/12/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;01:07&nbs-07:00;pm

emo blog
http://fubar.com/emo-blog/b258136-1044108

Hello,

THis is an emo blog. Mainly cause i have been rwading them and got all envious because i too wanted an emo blog.

that is all

good bye

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posted on 07/04/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;03:07&nbs-07:00;pm

PLEASE BUY ME
http://fubar.com/please-buy-me/b258136-1041418

THANK YOU ALL FOR HELPING ME, ONLY 12 MORE BUYS IN FUOWNED AND I WILL BE LEVEL 34!!!

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