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A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar.
The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
Then there's the one about three guys waiting in line at the pearly gates. St. Peter is asking each applicant what he did on earth. The first guy says "I'm a doctor." St. Peter says "You're in." The next guy says "I'm a stockbroker." St. Peter says "This way, please." The third guy says "I'm a musician." St. Peter says "You'll have to go around to the back, in at the loading dock, up the freight elevator and through the kitchen..."
The assistant conductor finally took over and had his first session with the orchestra. He reckend he was a real hot shot. So he started off by saying Ôyou people have really been slacking off lately. So we're gonna set things straight. No more coming to rehearsal late. And be ready when I want to start. I can hear not everybody has been playing every note. And your clothes have even been a bit scruffy. Then from the back of the orchestra came a timpany roll bumbumbumbum. He said "all right who did that?"
