Blood Thirsty Psychopath's blog: "Letters home"

Note: This will be the last post I make in this blog. Reliving all the events that brought me to and from war have taken a massive toll on my mentally. I can't remember anymore for my own sake. Thanks for reading if you have been, but the memories just hurt too much. This is the weeks leading to, and upon my arrival home. Again, thanks for reading.

2006/8/20

Good news! I'm coming home soon! My 3 year tour is finally up! I can finally see you again! I can't wait to hold you in my arms again! God, to just feel the warmth of another person, that will be amazing to me. I come home 2006/10/19, so we can do something for our anniversarry instead of have a 5 minute conversation over the video phone. Oh, I forgot, happy birthday! Hard to imagine I've missed 3 of yours. Anyway, I have to report to command for something trivial. I love you!

2006/9/03

They weren't kidding when they say short-timers are prone to injury and death. I just cut the shit out of myself with my Ka-bar. Nothing major, just nearly cut my left index finger off. Just another day in the sandbox other than that. Only a couple more weeks to go, then I get to have you back. I can't wait. I love you.

2006/10/10

One week, and i board the C-130 home. About fucking time! I can't take this place anymore! The heat, the firefights, the deaths of my friends, enough is enough! I have given enough to the people of the United States and Iraq. I need to rest. I need to go home and just rest. Have some time to think for myself. Time to just do nothing. Time to spend with you. I need to finish packing up my bags and stuff. I love you.

This letter never happened, since the evens here took place the day i came home.

2006/10/19

I walked in the door of the house, and heard some noise upstairs. I saw a car i didn't recognize outside the house on the way in. I brought a few of my marine friends with me, so we could relax, have some beers or whatever. We drew out weapons, and went up the stairs to our bedroom. When we got to the door, I heard you. I heard you say a name, not my name. I wasn't in the mental state to know what you were doing until we opened the door, and there you were, with our neighbor Chad. I froze. What are you doing? I thought at first he was trying to rape you, and I put a bead on him, when you saw me and screamed no. I looked at you, why would you defend him if he was hurting you? Then it dawned on me. He wasn't hurting you. You wanted him to do what he was doing. My heart died right then. The gun shots I suffered, the deaths of my friends, none of it hurt as bad as what you had just done to me. My enemy had never wounded me as badly as you just had. As i absorbed what you had done, I knew why you hadn't written me a letter in 3 years. I knew why I never got any sort of response from you other than on the video phone. Our vows to eachother meant nothing to you. Nothing at all. Now, I am becoming enraged. I look right at you, then at Chad. I tell Chad he has 3 seconds to get his shit, and get the fuck out of my house, or he leaves in a bodybag. The marines I brought with me "assist" Chad out of the house, and give him the thurough beating that he deserved. Then look right into your eyes, and I see fear. Genuine fear for what I might do to you for your betrayal. I look at you, and tell you that you have 15 minutes to get you, and your kids' shit out of my house. I holster my gun and go outside to where the marines had beatten the shit out of Chad. I looked at Chad on the ground and bleeding and say to him that he is lucky that is all he got. I then tell the marines to stay at my house and make sure that you get out. I am so angry right now, I can't think straight. I want to kill the both of you for what you have done, but neither of you pieces of shit are worth going to prison for. You and your kids come out of the house, you are crying, but your tears do not move me. I hate you now. You have betrayed all the trust I ever put into you, you broke your promise to me. A promise you made before a God I lost faith in before this, but I will never have faith in again. I look away from you, and tell you to go before I change my mind about shooting you. I don't care where you go now. I never want to see you again. You are dead to me. Once you are gone, the marines walk up to me, and give me that look. The look to a brother who has just lost everything that ever meant anything to him. You destroyed me. You broke my heart, the one part of me I thought would never break. You've shattered me Jenifer. Nothing will ever be the same. I loved you.

- Captain Jason Vine

Thanks to all of you who read these. It was incredibly painful to relive those memories, and I know I should have written more before I jumped to the end, but you can't imagine how much it hurts to remember things like that. To my most avid reader, you now have a glimpse into what I am, and who I am.