GoofyLady's blog: "Misc"

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . . Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack." You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House." You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. Cocaine is a downer. All your kids are named "Joe". You don't need a hammer to pound nails. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." You don't sweat, you percolate. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. You've worn the finish off your coffee table. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. People can test their batteries in your ears. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without a remote. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." You get drunk just so you can sober up. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. Your Thermos is on wheels. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. You short out motion detectors. You have a conniption over spilled milk. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. You don't tan, you roast. You don't get mad, you get steamed. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood. You can't even remember your second cup. You help your dog chase its tail. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Those Born 1925-1979! TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING ! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day-- And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms...... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and kno cked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them . . .CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good . And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?