ysoserious304's blog: "midnite-stoned poems"

i don't know where to start or where i ended

everythings the same but so damn different

where've i been what've i become

a lone wolf standin tall proud and alone

looking everywhere for the peices of my soul

and my broken spirit that used to fill this whole

scattered through time space and endless voids

even the one in my mind where angels and demons see the peices as toys

tattoos and scars is all i have to show

and dust on my shoes from travelin so far down this road

i broke ties that burned bridges others were crossing

putting them on thier own dismal drawstrings

falsly i take the blame even though its two to tango

and 5 to linedance its no one persons fault tho

but the first to flee is repayed ten fold

when everyone leaves and your all alone

i ran from everything and cloed the doors

and when i opened back up it was a maze of corridors

with no hope of finding my way

one day i stopped to pray

and still couldn't hear the voice and saw no light

did mine burn out or did i miss my flight

or is there even a terminal to catch it tonight

or is everest still the greatest height

what happened before when all i needed to do was get high

when it turned out to be my desperate cries

but i think this is it last round of goodbyes

or if i can risk to take another chance and try

i could get some fresh hellos

but thats diminished when the past bellows

i looked far and wide and thought i founds my niche

but instead i found out it was just a pinch

i want to open my heart up but i don't know how

slice it open and say lookie wow?

they say we all have a reason for being

but when you have no clue that has no meaning

i had so much love to give

but the best ones just want to live

and the bottled love ignites the bottled hate

sending my being into a complete mindnumbing state

how will i be remembered or will i be forgot

too much shit to recall, but the latter means i'm lost

ah to be able to hold a woman you love

but that ain't ment to be poured in everyones cup

we only got the cards we were dealt

if we flip em, its up to ourselves

but my lucks run out along with my chips

so i'm all in, best that i can get is if it splits

The walls are all spinnin again

I look in the mirror and see a devilish grin

Is it real or am I hallucinating again?

I hear voices but I can’t make out a damn think there sayin again

Damn, I guess I’ll just set here and let myself spin

In a downward spiral straight to oblivion

Insomnia just settled in an it looks like another binge

Another plot at revenge

Can I succeed or will it end as soon as it begins

Clean for two months but I’m about to give in

Fuck it looks like I already did

Lookin up but all I see is the stars

I look around and all I see is the bars

What I’d give for just two xanax bars

Or a line of coke so I can jump in front of speeding cars

Leanin back in the passenger seat

Passin blunts while the devil chauffers me

If hes here then where God, ain’t he listenin to me

Or is it my back that’s turned or is it all a dream

This whole life thing just a big trick on me

All I see is sounds all surrounding me

But all I feel is cold as the night envelopes me

It’s a colorful world but I’m sown to sepia

I’m drained, I swear I’ve never been sleepier

Can I rest or will I die with shit on my chest

I gotta get it off cause life is more than a test

Its all we have to leave behind when we take that rest

So let the good times roll and I’ll give it my best

Right now I’m sober wonderin when I’ll relapse next

And when another straight whisky night comes around

Will I be here or in some other town

Or end up on a new planet takin the grand tour down

And the scenery in, where puruple trees abound

And there are vicidin plants growin from the ground

With codein rivers that I can row down

But it looks like I’ll just retire for now

In a dark hollow where deaths all around

And grisly scenes replay in real life when I dream

As I set back and think of the good old team

And as a leader I failed now look where life leads

With nothing to show but a bag of deeds

Filled with evil seeds

and where you can see skeletons growing from my trees

how do you start to tell the end that begins a new day?

How can you start with feelings when you aint feeling ok

Heres a way, take a look at yourself through anothers eyes

And now I see why all my acquaintances look at my life and despise

No one looks underneath to see the pain

No one believes someone could have that fucked of a brain

But instead you see the drug usage and alcohol all the same

So instead of explain I crack a bottle and light my mary jane

Another day in the life another day so bright

But instead another day where I aint seein the light

If I make it out of bed then it might be alright

But solitude fits me best so I think I’ll set tight

I grab the pill bottle so tight, take one or two I just might

Or eat em all up since there’s no point to life

Maybe one day I’ll find it maybe one day it’ll be alright

But I’m a man so I’ll man up and just try to do whats right

But you can’t go wrong if you ain’t got no goals

That means you cant do right unless you shoot for the gold

But fuck it, I’ll just let life unfold

But this time it aint passin me by

I say this time cause I feel like this aint my first time

I’m talkin déjà vu like lifes in re wind

Like I’m stuck at the bottem of a bottle of wine

Between space and time runnin circles in my mind

But till that day I’ll walk around in my mind, in my zone

Wonderin if I’ll ever reach home

Wonderin if I’m really alone

Wonderin if my hearts made of stone

Or maybe I’m just stoned

A god dam drug addict alcoholic thrill seekin regular Joe

That to some just took the wrong road

But I say to anyone that takes that tone

If you ain’t been here before don’t act like you know

Don’t act like I’m a bad influence or asshole

This is the life that I’ve chose

And until something comes along I say cheers

And to anyone that’s dumb and jeers

I got plenty of empty beers

And practice with a gun shootin bottles and deers

I might say I got a slight problem my self

But I work it all out through my health

And my knowledge that’s my only wealth

Aint been through it all but real pain I’ve felt

Just don’t say I’m wrong and I wont say I’m right

I’ll just say bottoms up, toast a blunt, n good nite

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death Where for art thou Lord? I can’t catch my breath The valley of ghosts and bones is my home Hidden away, I ravage alone drunk and stoned Hiding from the light, is it a heaveanly delight? Or another reminder of sorrow just for spite The road I’m on feels dark all around While the fog rolls in, I inhale the smoke and lie on the ground Looking by the moonlight at the start filled sky I wait to die live fast stay high and live a lie The road to rightousness to to straight to walk while filled with demons I feel their presence and my soul is their reason for breathin I lay awake dreaming and life and its surrounding seam so unreal While others conform and cower, I stand tall and am ready to deal As me and death play roulett I stay close to the steal Against my own will I’m forced to hold on to the pill And repeal anything that may actually help me break the seal To my right is the ocean, to my left the sand I look back at my path but only one set of footprints are on the land So was I carried by angels or lead by demonic lore The thoughts alone my me sore to my souls very core Everything seems so real, yet I know its not The feelings I’m feeling are learned and not taught As a drifter wonders from city to town So do I except my path only leads down We are all stuck here on this planet, drifting So what makes the begger less? His story ain’t uplifting? I’ve dined with mighty men and broke bread with princes I’ve tasted success, but the same night slept slept in distress Laying with dogs out in pastures all night But told that everything will be alright I’m glad I see the world different than the rest The difference in opinion just shows me i’ve actually got it best With a hard shell and a bullit proof vest I will live forever my soul will never rest Even when I’m dust and have not a consuss mind You will remember what I said in good time My words will haunt you, the last laugh will be mine Because I lived life, and it didn’t pass like everyone said So far I’ve made a hell of a run and still I’m not dead Am I cursed or blessed or just plain lucky? Or is it fate that binds us intertwined so toughly I know that I stand alone no support needed Where was God when for my life I pleaded? When I was sentenced to death but never conceded Why in loves name the only words I hear are beat it? For I am not a stranger to my people, they all know me by name But for what I’ve done shall receive no fame They welcome me, but like the stallion, I cannot be tamed Fuck em all I say, I am the only one to be blamed