Bubbles's blog: "Me"

I think I have a severe mental problem when it comes to doing any type of schoolwork. I have barely 4 weeks of classes left and I've managed to procrastinate a semester's worth of work into these last 4 weeks. Usually I start to feel a sense of urgency about now and start getting things done. Not the case right now.

I don't want to do any of it. I feel very uneasy because if I don't I'll get kicked out of school. All the money and time my parents have put into me will have been wasted and I feel shitty because of it. I wanna cry.

I feel a little more than slightly depressed. I shouldn't. I'm super excited because I've managed to find a new job. When I'm there I'm happy and try my best. When I'm doing anything related to school.. I dunno. I don't feel as if I'm doing anything.

I'm wondering if I'm just lazy and selfish.

I feel as if education is being forced upon me. I have no choice. That's not right though, because you can't force anyone to learn anything.

I don't know what to do. My parents are so wonderful and I feel as if I'm just wasting the time they've sacrificed and support they've given me my whole life.

I still feel depressed. I am crying now.

I also have no idea how to talk to anyone about this. I wanna talk to Garett about it but I don't know how. Will he understand? WIll I even make sense? I feel as if everything I'm feeling is very illogical.

Do I even make sense now.. I don't even know. Probably not.

Well, I have a lab write up to do, an extra small research report for more points to do, a powerpoint presentation to do for my Thursday night class, a test to study for Friday afternoon (which if I don't pass it, I'm royally screwed) and 2 assignments to make up for another class.

And I don't want to do any of it. How many chances do I need? I can probably still pass all my classes with  C. 

Hopefully.