KoryDevils Reject 69's blog: "~~Memories Of A Darker Life~~"

~Believe~ Category: Writing and Poetry I spread my wings you were sposed to let me fly not steal the magick powder from my wings watching me spiral to the ground and die. You stand for the trial from my Mother Gaia her Luna Moth held within her palm the proof of your transgression. You thought because it was night and you hidden in shadows she wouldn't miss me. "I am the night, I am the light. What good is it to you this magick of wings? A magick you scarce know of let alone believe. Why is it you, human feel no worth for life but your own? As you are my children so are the other life forms surrounding you. I give freely to you and endure your thoughtless abuses. When a star falls from the sky do you not know the earth trembles? The sky weeps...for one is lost. Beauty is not in the multitude of the stars or trees or flowers or fairies... but what each one contributes to the whole and THAT is magick." And so within the hand of Gaia from the tear and love of a Mother a luna moth trembles to life. Beckoning you to believe. ~Kory~ 06/06/07

While the body stands so broad and brawny, must the soul lie blinded, dwarfed, stupified almost annihilated... The inaudible and noiseless foot of time, the chrysallis of eternity... My thoughts fall onto you, as The Queen of Night shines fair with all her virgin stars about her. I mourne the miles between us put. O grief hath changed me since you saw me last, and careful hours with Time's deformed hands, have written strange defeatures in my face. Do I grieve for the injury to the living, or for the dead... The Queen looks upon me in my utter despair, leaning close whispering unto me... A thing of beauty is a joy forever, It's lovliness increases, it will never pass into nothingness... Oh but Mother Moon, you reside the Heavens and I the earth, Nature's tomb. You're surrounded in beauty and I...in the purest of sorrows... I laid upon the cold ground... If I must die, I will encounter darkness as a bride and embrace him in my arms... I held out my arms to The father of night and clung to him... He whispered in my ear before he took me for his own... Child of Despair and Suicide My Name. Immortality o'ersweeps, All pains, all tears, all time, all fears~ and peals, like the eternal thunders of the deep... Into my ears this truth~ Thou Liv'st forever.... And as I rose to my eternal feet... life's flame...engulfed, consuming as a lover. My hair of crimson blood... My eyes the cold silver of my Mother... My lips as roses washed over in dew. My skin alabaster...the sun kissed bronze that once coated my frame...gone...vanished from sight at all. And to see myself...shivers my spine...for what once was dead ceases to remain dead. Tho The eye sees not itself but by reflection, of some other things. I stretched my legs and moved ahead... The ground beneath me as the sea... unusual steps...and then my footing sure. To go out...and claim what is mine... Leaving my earthen home behind. I call unto the winds... Tis in my memory lock'd, and you yourself shall keep the key of it. Out unto the world is the Immortal Daughter. In her starry shade of dim and solitary loveliness, I learn the language of another world. A world that was to be mine for as long as my ages last. Not for sometime would the sunrise grace my forehead. And I felt my heart sadden. For what sorrows I had loosed my life for, were to be replaced. The hunger pains had just begun. Yet for what I was to eat I knew not. My heart felt cold as cemetary stone. My mind raged as that of the Predator... I felt all of Hell writhing in my belly. And what of Hell? Tis nothing more than truth seen too late. For what I had let my soul free for... would claim its just rewards. And in the end, do we not always give up one sorrow... to gain thrice more in its place? To be as the Gods is not to be one of the Gods... for their offices come with their creation. For what we do, there is no forgiveness...no recompense... My way of life is fall'n into the sear and yellow leaf. Capricious, wanton, bold, and brutal lust Is meanly selfish; when resisted, cruel; And, like the blast of pestilential winds, Taints the sweet blooms of nature's fairest forms. And lust I did. Craved...desired with such passions that I would not be denied. My blood ran hot within my veins and I worked my way to the soundings of the pumping hearts that consumed my ears. Stalking with stealthy step...closer ...closer... I found a smorgasborg of fleshy delights, waiting...like sheeps to the slaughter...but more like harlots...male and female alike. Their drunkeness an incense filling the night air. Their gayeties, contagious, infectious...and i knew I'd never hunger again. They called out for my swift hands...that I would end their facade of joy. They longed to give in...and I took two... plump and tasty...their blood as gravy and I dined... sopping with their flesh...they squealed...in fear and gratefullness...and I sickened by their ease...such whores for death they were... A hunter like a lover~ if the game be got with too much ease they care not for it... And this kill...would just be the beginning. And it seems Eternity is just that… In my age I grew cold to drinking blood… I longed for the satiation only to be gotten with him. The one I had ancient years ago loosed my life for… In sorrow? In cowardice? In sheer utter hate for the world? Matters not…Throughout the ages I have long searched him… He eluded me… But to know if he meant it or not, I dare not peer into his mind… For what I may find I may not want and now…I cannot die again… He will have to live immortality out within my realm… Darkness is mine…Lust and Murder and Rape and Theft… Torture and Pleasure and Hatred are mine… I am Queen of the mortal hellish nightmares… My soul is but half with me…he bears the other half… I shall reclaim that which is mine… And he need not love me for it, or because of it, or despite it… For with the icing of my heart…love is no longer necessary… It is little more than a casual stroke of an ego far over grown as it is… My fruit has no nectar left within…though to be in his embrace could make my folds swell unmercilessly… And though he could enter my hot center and plunge again and again… I could not saturate him as I once did… And his sweetened seed would fall dead inside of me… Nothing that once lives… survives my embrace… And so I walk these deserted lands tonight…as all fear my touch…they are locked within their own little sanctuaries… I listen for his breath…his hearts beat…the soft rising and falling of his chest… His hair to fall lazily across his shoulders…as the Queen kisses his cheek in his deep slumber…she reaches him from the open window of his chamber… A blood tear falls from my eye…and my journey never ends. ~Kory~ 05 thru 07/02 Many thanks and credit to the Masters of old for their words and works which I have tried humbly and carefully to wrap my own thoughts around...I feel I have an acceptable boquet.

I listen for the voices but hear only the endless buzzing of a thousand flies feasting upon the forgotten decomposing corpse that resides in the rocking chair, in the corner. The poison in my veins comfort my motherless addiction. Shaking in my skin. Fear infested follicles of my hair alive, writhing, seducing itself. Convulsing fingers spilling forth the commanding powers of my illness. Dipping, dripping, tangled, mangled it's all star-spangled. My eyes seeing the birth, after-birth spinal cord serpent bone fragments protrude, intrude my brain. Pretty shell casings cover my feet I'm in so deep the rope has snapped. I'm slipping, slipping there is no gripping my lips are dripping rose petals of love to caress your anxiety. You look to me my smiling skull all you see. Your anger, fear and frustration having burned the flesh from my bones years ago. You share no compassion for me. I am your skeleton hanging in your dirty closet. Wearing the soiled clothes of your hidden transgressions. Naughty, imperfect dirty, infected bleeding, scabbed scarred whore. ~Kory~ 2003

Silken strands slipping through alabaster fingers slender, veined, webbed deep cut lines race across the now reddened palm. Quivering orbs rosed, welted, swelling muffled whimpers chancing to escape but confined by the hard plastic ball the leather straps hugging her she is submission he hums the song of pain. ~Kory~ 2002

Your shadow on the sidewalk before you making you larger than your life. Six strings plucked by spindly fingers creating rhythm and harmony. A forgotten art that you remember your case open at your feet gathering coins and a few bills I look at you inspired. I spoke with you briefly one artist to another and thanked you for preserving an art form within art most are too busy to remember but not you and the Gods gave you a gift that you see fit to give freely... with only a hint of starvation. I dropped my donation and wished you well... but you stopped me and asked me if I wished a song... and you chose for me The *Stairway To Heaven.* You may never remember me but I can never forget you. Thank you for singing for your supper. ~Kory~ 06/09/07

and on the edge of the abyss called life after love... I drown. Enveloped in pain and the shards of brilliant light of a glimpse of a new life. What to do? Without you am I me? Without me am I me? Oh slain are the days of recognition that I knew, we knew. You leave me not with loneliness that haunts nor betrayal that angers or lies that burn... but with estrangement that pierces the safety of my fetal position. I take my black crayola and scribble your name from my life. ~Kory~ 6/06/07

(En Route To Your Grave) I watch from the rain streaked windows of the hearse...the skies have opened and are mourning you...The traffic creeps, then stops in some respectful moment that you surely don't deserve, but we will keep that our secret. I feel like your dead bodies is attatched to my chest, heavy, breathing is a chore, thinking is a chore, weeping is no more. I have cried the last tears I will cry for you. I debate bailing from the hearse but decide that it would be misconstrued as something it is not. Your Mother is next to me, holding my hand, a hand as cold as you are now. (At Your Graveside Reception) *It is such a shame, he was so young.* I hear these words from behind me, as I sit graveside, the rain a soft drizzle now. I wanted to turn around and scream the truth for all to hear, but I will keep it our secret. I drop a black rose on your casket, before they pile mounds of dirt on you. You deserve dirt and much worse and the old song runs through my mind... *Did you ever think, as a hearse goes by, That you might be the next to die? They wrap you up in a big white sheet, And bury you down about six feet deep They put you in a big black box, And cover you up with dirt and rocks, And all goes well, for about a week, And then the coffin begins to leak! The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, The worms play pinochle on your snout. They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, They eat the jelly between your toes. A great big worm with rolling eyes, Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes, Your stomach turns a slimy green, And pus pours out like whipping cream. You spread it on a slice of bread, And that's what worms eat when you're dead.* Remember we used to sing that in jest, and now it is your song. (Leaving Your Grave) We are leaving you now, you can be alone...just you and the worms. ~Kory~ 6/03/07

When I watch Him do what he does my heart longs, full of love for Him. And when we are together in the throes of what we do it all tastes like death. Something familiar and dark and dank and sick. Something long ago thrown out. And perhaps it is that death that keeps us alive or perhaps we are dead and our life preserves us... Maybe it is such an ingrained addiction that we will fall and drown in each other. We are in love with death and death is in love with us. ~Kory~ 05/25/07

They weep in wonder as he sings... crooning to them. Starlings all of them with sex in their eyes. Longing to open wide for him their nether mouths dripping for him... but they will go home longing... and alone but for what fiends they can find hanging outside the bar, buying their fixes sewing up snitches being the tattooed love boys they were born to be. The smell of their addiction Caressing their greasy flesh Bangs that hang in clumps across their pallid faces. For a drink or a lick and a promise these starlings can have a night of half hard fucks... But I will take Him home. And we will bleed the night away together... in love and death. And the starlings will still weep in wonder. ~Kory~ 05/25/07

We lay, our arms and legs tangled. Our minds and hearts numb but for a tiny pain. That pain is the truth we both know but won't acknowledge. It is over. We cling to each other, out of fear. Embedded within each other like shrapnel. We fear life without one another, not because we are happy together, but because we are all we have known. Tears leak from my eye. Spilling onto my cheek tickling my inner ear, I twitch, and I feel you grab me within your already tight grasp. I want to cry out. I wont. Nor will I let you go. Because I don't know how. I wish you would let me go but I don't know how to tell you nor do I have the heart to make you face this dying dead love~ Our Love. We lay, our arms and legs tangled. Our minds and hearts numb but for a tiny pain. That pain is the truth we both know but won't acknowledge. It is over. ~Kory~ 5/25/07