babydoll's blog: "me"

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!" "Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken." He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the giblets !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs. Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts! The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts. On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... (Please scroll down) What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English! Now get back to your emails. I don't know about you sometimes!

Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I ad gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, You don't want sex anymore or anything. So, either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I'm gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Texas together! Have a great life! ======================================================================= Dear Ex-Husband, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week. The first thing that came to mind was "My god you look gay!", but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. And I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. And I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning .... and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica, But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Signed... Rich and Free! P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and seeing the severe pain he is in, the doctor pescribes an IV with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who is rather astounded, asks, "What good will the Viagra do him, Doc? ' ' ' ' "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" asks his neighbor. "Yes, but I need a better suggestion." replied Larry. "Go ahead ask me..." suggests his neighbor. Larry says, "You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes but..." his neighbor starts. "And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my wife was pregnant!" Larry said. "Yes but..." his neighbor started again. "And the year before that, when I went to Bali, I returned and my wife was also pregnant!" Larry said. "Yes but..." his neighbor stammered. "Well could you suggest something cheaper this year, so that I can bring her with me?" Larry asked his neighbor.

A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother, "How old are you?" Mommy says, "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life." The girl then asks, "Mommy. How much do you weigh?" Mommy says, "That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you grown up." The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything." So little Mary does as her friend recommended. That night she sneaks into her mother's room while her mom was cooking dinner. She rummages through her purse and finds the drivers license and examines it carefully. The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Mommy is very shocked! She asks, "Sweetheart how did you do that?" The girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you weigh. You weight 120 lbs." The mother is flabbergasted. She asks, "Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know, that's all, and I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

A group of girl friends are on vacation when they see a 5 story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only". The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors... go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for you can stay there. Its easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside." So they go in and the First Floor sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thin". The girl friends laugh and without hestitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the Second Floor reads, "All the men here have it long and thin". The girl friends continued to the Third Floor, where the sign read, "All the men here have it short and thick". This was still another disappointment, but knowing that there were still 2 floors left they went up to the next floor. The Fourth Floor sign was perfect. "All the men here have it long and thick". The girl friends get all excited and are about to stay on the Fourth Floor when they realize that there is one floor left. Wondering what they might be missing they go up to the Fifth Floor, where the sign reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!"

A couple went on a vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife then decided to take the boat out. She was not familar with the lake but she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat. He pulls alongside and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading my book" she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind or what?' "You're in a restricted fishing area" the sheriff informs her. "But, Sheriff, I'm not fishing! Can't you see that?!" she pleads. The sheriff replies, "But you have all the equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that then I will charge you with rape!" snaps the woman. "I didn't even touch you" says the sheriff. The woman smiles and says, "Yes, that's true... but you have all the equipment!"

Steve, the traveling salesman is in a small town in the Midwest for two weeks, when he begins to miss his wife. After another two weeks, he just can't stand it anymore. He decides to visit a brothel in town. He goes up to the madam and says, "Here is a hundred dollars. Give me the worst blow job in the house." "But sir," says the madam, "For a hundred dollars, you don't have a settle for the worst blow job. As a matter of fact, you could get the best." "No, no," says Steve, "you don't understand. I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. There were two city gals and one farm gal. The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile. Well, the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, "the rhythm method." "That will work," said the counselor, "if you keep a good record" He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. "I plan on using birth control pills," she said. Again he said, "Yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them." He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, "The pail and saucer method." After a short delay, he told her that should also work. He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going. They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet. Well, the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong. She replied, "I used the rhythm method, but somehow got my notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby." He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, "The birth control pill. But we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby." He turns to the farm gal. "I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you?" She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------