Angel Eyez's blog: "making a change"

Here lately alot has occured that it has put me in some bad situations but somehow I seem to pull through them on top. I have been put through the worst things that a heart could bare in choosing between those you love and those you deeply care for. But I have made my decision to stand tall and not give up on what I feel is best for myself and what seems right for me. I have dealt with the stress of my ex trying in every way that he can to get me back that I finally put my foot down and said no more. Things are alot different and hopefully he will see reallity as it trully is for everyone. Things dont always go the way that you want it to go and we have to deal with the consequences!

Things in my life has been very hard for me to deal with, but somehow I still pull through everything.I have worked so hard to get where I am in life and not look back on my past for all the mistakes that I had made then. I went to the doctor to get my results for my tests that they had performed trying to find out whats going on as to why I may have miscarried back on June 31st with my twins. But from what I ma being told is that I might be pregnant again.They told me that my blood work was normal but wasnt exactly zero like it should be if I wasnt pregnant. So they gave me the statement that it could be too early to really tell if I am or not but I will findout later on with some time. Hopefully the truth will be told in a few months but unsure though. All I can do is play the waiting game again!

Life hasnt been so easy for me and I know that its not going to get any better. I just want to live out my life with a person who understands me and can feel the emtions that I go through. I try so hard to fit in but then it blows up in my face and I get knocked down. I have worked so hard i n life to just survive that I have about given up on ever finding love or anything to that nature. I might as well live life alone and deal with my issues by myself as always in the past. I trully have no one to be there that I can trust or anything. I always get stabbed in the back!

Things could be better for me in life but I guess that I just get the messed up end of the stick. I try so hard to straighten up my life and still I somehow get knocked down to the bottom. Here recently I broke up with Matt because he began to bewcome too annoying and I need a man in my life that knows when to give a person space when they need it plus not do stuff to fit in for things. I just wish that I could find a man who understands me for myself and not try to change me for what he wants but thats seems to never happen. Maybe someday I will find someone who can understand me and accept me for myself and nothing more,plus will just be theirself as well. Thats all I ask for in life nothing more nor less!

Life has not been easy in any way because I am trying to sort out my life and be happy with whoever I may choose to be with. It has been to the point that i just want to disappear from everyone I know and start somewhere else where no-one knows me at all. I just cant deal with anymore drama nor stres in my life or its gonna end up killing me somehow. Hopefully the God and Goddess help me to sort things out before its too late!

Things had been rough for me in the past few years but they are slowly beginning to change. I have someone very special in my life who makes me trully happy. The other day we went to Across the skin tattoo parlor here in Asheville,NC and got some ink work done. Matt has been very supportive of me through all the hardships that had been going on. Just the 30th of June,2008; I ended up miscarrying the twins that I was pregnant with at that time,but things happen for a reason too. It hurts us on our lose of the children but we still continue on with our lives.He has been there to help look after me in my recovery to being there for me even more as my partner and mate in life. i am thankful for him everyday that I live!

Yesterday,Matt and I went to Across the Skin tattoo parlor off Patton Ave here in Asheville,NC. We both got ink work done for a very good price. I paid $150.oo each for 2 tattoos that the owner, Brandon, had done for us. Its in my photos as New tatt. The wolf is my newest piece. Now all I have to get is my dragon and I will have it completed. I love ink and its a better addiction than any drug out on the streets!

Things hasnt been easy for me to deal with this week after just miscarrying on Monday morning after Mission Hospital released me the night before and them knowing what was going on. But they are going to pay in many ways. I plan to file a medical malpractice lawsuit against Mission and will somehow win my case for their neglegence. But on another note, MAtt and I are doing well together and are engaged now.Its like I have found the one for so long been searching for, but only time trully can tell the future. Today I plan to just enjoy my day and spoil myself a little after the pain I have gone through. Trying to get my mind off of things is the best for me instead of keep on thinking about it. So we are going to be busy with some planning and stuff!

Things havent been easy for me to deal with because Yesterday(monday)morning, I lost my children at about 14weeks along. I miscarried my children and dont know why neither. Its not losing a part of you when you are a mother about ready to bring a life into the world,but no one knows when it will happen. Because that special gift can be took away from you at anytime. But I am doing my best to pull through it and move on with life even though it hurts. I have slowly become numb because it has just been an occurrance these past few years. I just lost a son at 5 months into a pregnancy last year, (may 24th,2007). I wasnt fully healed from that lose before this happened not quite a year later!But my life must continue and Mission Hospital is going to pay for the neglect in practice of medicine!

Things could be much better right now, Because I ended up miscarrying the twins this morning at 7 am. It has been rough on both Matt and Myself. But we are holding strong though after what has happened. We both were looking forward to the babys being born but it didnt happen. But things happen for a reason to. It just wasnt meant to be. But it doesnt hurt mine and matts relationship at all, its actually pulled us together more closely. I was to have my check for my ssi but it hasnt come yet. I am beginning to wonder what the hell has happened and why I haven gotten it yet. But as soon as I do, things are really going to change for me and Matt completely. We arent going to be sticking around this bullshit area. I need to get away from sometime to gather myself together.But Matt and I still plan to remain together because we love each other regardless of what has happened!