ToxicJuggalo CoFounder of Juggalo Cartel's blog: "Love Lost"

My Journey Not that it matters, and not that anyone cares, but I have decided to move on. I don’t know what awaits me out there in the world, but I’ll face it head on. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve been hurt, but I’m mending. It’s a slow process, but I’m on my way. On this healing journey, I’ve been discovering myself. I’ve learned that I do have the power to say no. I have also learned self-control. It isn’t just a journey of self-healing; it’s a journey of self-discovery. I think that, by the time I get to the end of this journey, I’ll finally know who I am. My wife may have left me, I may have been crushed by it, but through it all, I think something wonderful is happening. I’m learning to adapt. I realize now that I don’t have to be with someone to be happy. I just need to be happy with myself. “What is the meaning of life?” A very popular question. One that has been asked repeatedly through out the ages. Do you want the answer? Nothing. There is no “meaning of life”. There can be meaning to life, but life in general has no meaning, just what you place on it. What we do in our everyday lives, affecting other lives, directly reflects in ourselves what life “means”. For example: To the new mother, creating a life and nurturing it may be what life is all about. Hence, the meaning of her life. To a businessperson, getting to the top and making their fortune may be “the meaning of life”. There is no meaning other than what we, the individual, places on it. This is one of the many places in which my journey has taken me.

ALONE As I sit here alone, I feel cold inside. I’m broken, I’m torn, and yet I’m still alive. You ripped the heart from my chest and threw it to the floor. And as it laid there bleeding, you walked out the door. So here I sit, just wondering why, the love that we shared had to die.

As the world is seen through our eyes We hope, we dream, and then we cry. We cry for love that has gone away We hope and dream for another day A day of love pure and true Each moment filled with “I love you” “I love you”, it’s not just words It’s something we do; it’s something that hurts It hurts so badly sometimes we cry We hope, we dream, and then we die. By: Chris

This is a poem that I read in High School and was written by a fellow student. I just don't remember their name. (This has nothing to do with my wife and I, I just like it) Flowers growing on the wall Staring down a long dark hall The fan is dripping from above Today’s the day I lost my love She crossed the line of reality Never to make it back to me She’s alive but no one’s there She only has an empty stare Be careful what you want to drop Your heart will beat Your mind will stop

Well, in an effort to cheer me up, one of my friends from college gave me his Ozzfest tickets for last night. I asked around to see if anyone else wanted to go, but the only person who who said yes was a female friend of mine from school. She is very beautiful, but just so everyone knows, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. It is WAY to early after my wife leaving me(in case you haven't read, she just left me last Friday) for me to be trying to go out with anyone. Anyway, this friend and I went to Ozzfest last night and I had a blast. It was just what I needed to take my mind off of things. It's just really good to know that my friends are there for me now when I need them the most.

I know it's only been a few days since my wife left, but it's hard on me. I barely have any desire to eat, can't sleep, and every so often I just feel like breaking down. I don't know what to do with myself now that she's not here. I miss her so much. Things will get better for me I know. For now, I'm just going about my normal buisness and trying to keep myself busy. I'm spending a lot more time online and trying to talk to people to keep my mind off of her. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Today....my wife, the love of my life, left me. Although it was on good terms(as good as it can be I guess) it still hurts alot. I guess we just grew apart over the years and I know I wasn't the easiest person to live with sometimes. (Two souls that were joined as one are now torn apart...And a great love is undone.)