Xme's blog: "Lost and Found"

      Always two sides to every story and you make believe the one less boring.Wish I was boring but no,  I'm just bored.I don't want another story to tell, I want only blank pages. They say everyone writes their own story, if so, why so many unpredictable moments.Memories , stories, things you never wrote are read back . Things you never told play back.over and over history repeats itself back.Hard cover, paper back its all the same when you act.Play your part, read the lines, its just a story . Don't hold back. You. have no control of the space you inhabit , its all props for the show so sit back and watch how this story all plays out.   Too young to even cum yet shit happens. Its the past. Do what you can to survive , did what was best at the time. No morals , no family  no friends, no love. You look up to what you see.i saw nothing. That became me. Mom putting men before her kids .She had 5 and a man for each. Last one liked me ,  I was just a kid.Dont touch me! No dads for me.Fairytales shattered for both her and me.Looking for love in all the wrong places.Unstable minds need courage to breathe.Jail cells , home wrecker  pass the weed.In love with all things bad for me.But all the bad girls want a good guy. I'm just hard to please. Though pleasure comes easy I'd rather leave.Everyone leaves in the end.Maybe he was right  maybe I run from things.

.Fear Commitment? maybe I just fear apologies.Maybe this time I don't want to leave.But maybe what keeps me, is that it goes nowhere with him, and gets nowhere with me. Nowhere for a nobody is how I choose to be . Don't ask me no questions and I wont tell you no lies . can't live like that its all just a lie.If it all goes nowhere  rather go there with him . Don't need a commitment if its all just to please. Real talk I'm in love with a boy.Hes a tease.Missed out on things growing up . No proms ,butterflies boys chasing after me.I need that kind of love .first love crazy love. Hands in your pocket blushing. Been committed all my life  he can't say a thing . Though I never cheated , cant say the ssame for him.So who's the one running? Go kick some trees. I wish my life was boring  I envy butter beans.Simmering in a pot, all alone with no worries. Times are hard and they're getting even harder.Hard back,  paper back, I'm a book without a cover.Hard to read , hard to get but if you do it's just a story . I don't want another story to tell just blank pages with ink to spill. I'm starting over.same story different ending. Hope it's boring .Hope you read this.The never ending story written just for me. I can't tell you where to find it ...a book wwithout a cover , history without a story.A book to hold your table up.who the fuck reads??!