Lost Angel's blog: "Long Distance Relationships"

Bad Day Box I live in Boston and my boyfriend goes to school in North Carolina, so I wanted to send him a little something that he'd never think of getting from me. I went to a craft store and bought a small wooden box ($1) that looked like a little treasure chest. I painted it his favorite color and wrote on top "Jonathan's Bad Day Box". Inside I put a Hershey's hug and a Kiss and a note that said when you're having a bad day or just feeling blue open up your bad day box and there will always be a hug and kiss for you. I also sent a bag of "refills". --submitted by Emily Bad Day Mood Booster My boyfriend and I live about 7 hours apart; we're both in university and see each other for about one weekend every two months. I came up with an idea to make him a "Bad Day Box." I just took a cardboard box, filled it with a new, comfy t-shirt, a favorite book, a movie I knew he wanted, some treats, and a couple of pictures of us. I wrapped it all up and taped instructions to the top: "Open ONLY when you have a whole lot of time to yourself, you're lonely, you miss me, and you just want the world to go away." He ended up opening it when he had had a really stressful day at work, and just wished I was there to make him feel better ... and the box sure worked. I was there in spirit! --submitted by Meg

A Virtual Date My sweetie and I are 2000 miles apart. Since we can't be together, we stay together on line. Many times, he takes me on 'real' dates... he will spend his day preparing for the date... creating online images to go along with it. When I open up his first email of the day, I am greeted with a beautiful picture of exactly where we are spending our evening together. A beach in Australia, pictures of the cabin we are staying in, what we are having for supper, the fireplace, whatever... this brings us so much closer together knowing that we are both in the same place at the same time, sharing the same experience. Of course, in between all the images are our words...and our interactions together. It's a wonderful way to have fun together and still remain close. The next day he has taken all the images of our date and created a one-image collage of the entire experience for us to keep! It's such a sweet, thoughtful thing to do... and keeps us real to each other! --submitted by Anonymous

by J. Good Below is a list of questions geared to enhance the intimacy in your online or long distance relationship. One of the largest relationship problem areas in these types of relationships is the lack of intimacy and closeness that an "in person" relationship brings. This list should help bridge that gap. To enhance the romantic mood, make sure you have at least an hour to spend with each other. Pop in a romantic CD, light a few candles and enjoy each other's company. Questions: Describe your dream vacation? What are five attributes do you admire most in your love? Share three areas of your life you want to improve. What three ways is your love most helpful and supportive to you? Tell your partner about a time when you felt them sending love to you non-verbally. Describe your dream car. Describe what your perfect birthday celebration would be. Describe your dream house. Share five things you want to accomplish or do in the next few years. What unique thing do you love about this relationship? Describe what you consider to be romantic. Share three things that make you proud of yourself. Tell your partner what you love about them. What three things can you do to make your relationship even better. Describe the perfect romantic weekend getaway. How is your life better since you've met your love? Share the times you have trouble expressing your feelings. What are you looking forward to most when you see them? What one thing do you really appreciate that your partner does for you? Share a dream you both have and talk about a way to make them come true. How do your differences compliment each other? Describe the perfect romantic evening from start to finish.

I met someone over the net more than a month ago. We started to get to know each other and he's been calling me ever since. Things started moving so fast and before I knew it, he was asking me to be his girl and saying that he loves me. He said that he had only said those words to one person, and this would make me the second. He's had a bad break up a year ago. He's really sweet and I think I'm feeling the same way about him. He said that if things go as well as they are right now, he'll come visit me when he gets his vacation and was telling me that he definitely wants to marry me. But, something happened. He had to move to another house and wasn't able to call me this last week. We've only been communicating through emails. The thing is, I miss him more and more everyday, but I'm not sure if this relationship will go well. One thing, we haven't met each other in person. We've only seen pictures of each other. What do you think I should do? Please tell me. Thanks! -A True Internet Love? Dear A True Internet Love?, Well, first of all, I'd relax a little bit and enjoy the process of getting to know each other. Internet relationships can bring forth a gush of intense emotion due to how much you learn about each other. It's fun to talk about what might happen or where the relationship could go. But, there isn't a sure-fire way to know if ANY relationship will succeed or fail. If you like him enough to have strong feelings about missing him, you should definitely plan a face-to-face meeting. After that, see where it goes. You may click or you might not. At any rate, enjoy the time you are having and let things progress naturally. Worrying about what may or may not happen is honestly a waste of time. The point of life is to enjoy the ride.

Know what to look for... by Jennifer Good In a medium where faith in a potential partner is being put at an all-time high, it is important to know if you're stepping blindly. If you're considering an online relationship, or are currently in one, there are a few things you should be prepared to look out for. While each situation is unique, and it is important to go by your instinct, the following list should help you spot any red flags you might encounter. RED FLAG #1: Won't show you current or full body photos. While looks may not be important to you, your partner's ability to tell the truth should be. If you doubt the sincerity of any photo your interest has sent you, send a disposable camera with a self-addressed, postage ready envelope with instructions to take pictures and send the camera back to you. This way you can develop the film yourself. Of course, you'd probably only want to go to this much trouble if you are seriously interested in this person. RED FLAG #2: They do not have any solid contact numbers. You've progressed to telephone contact, but the problem is you can't ever contact them! If any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of. You have to page them for them to call you back. They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times. You can only call during certain periods of time. Again, if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone. They will only call, therefore not allowing you to call them. RED FLAG #3: Reality VS. Fantasy There are many different viewpoints towards a relationship founded through the Internet. To save future hurt and embarrassment, make sure you know your potential partner's philosophies. Do they view an Internet relationship as a real relationship, or is it a way to live out a fantasy life? If it's the later, be careful to avoid being their latest cyber fling. RED FLAG #4: Asks for money. Avoid getting into financial trouble by following a simple rule; don't send money. RED FLAG #5: You're the only one making an effort or altering your lifestyle to have this relationship. This is a telltale sign of things to come if you develop an off-line romance. No relationship should be solely one person giving and the other taking. If you find this happening to you, talk about it to your partner and ask them to meet you half way in your efforts. RED FLAG #6: Your potential partner is overly insecure about your off-line or online activities. Just as in any relationship, a person who is overly insecure about something can end up being an emotionally draining experience. Take a step back, and really look at whether this is something you're willing to put up with if the relationship happened to last two to three years. If not, move on and find someone more independent. Remember, any relationship will have its red flags. If you're really ready for a relationship, you'll be able to spot them, handle them and get on with your life with little or no loss.

compiled by Online Love Editors from lovingyou.com Being in an online love relationship is a difficult, but very rewarding experience. Sometimes, as in many difficult experiences, negative thoughts can creep into your mind. If you find yourself wondering why you, or possibly even a friend, are in an online love relationship, take a moment and read through these Lovingyou.com user's thoughts and experiences for a few answers. "I believe that the best part of an online love is that the two people get to bond mentally and spiritually long before they ever make a physical bond. They get to know one another's heart and soul, and that is the most important part of any relationship." -Mary Sammons "Finally meeting them is the best... in person I mean." -Sandy "You both get to have your own space. You're not smothered, and you don't get tired of each other." -Charlene "We know a lot about each other just from talking, but there are still many things that we don't know and that adds a type of mystery to the relationship." -SAK "It lets me be who I want to be in the most open and honest way that I can." -allison "You can learn all about that person, and it's easier to share feelings with each other that you probably wouldn't if you met them somewhere." -rachel "Knowing that person more so than you would if you meet them somewhere else." -Anna "It's two things. The first is that because of the medium you (well we at least) are dependent on e-mails and certainly talk about a great many more things than we might have had we met at a bar or something. Secondly, that you can spend time with your beloved without having to dust or vacuum the place." -Spiffy "One of best things I have found out about in an online relationship is communication skills. You really learn how to express yourself fully with words. And when you do get to spend time together it makes it more special since you don't need to spend time finding out favorite colors, songs, movies etc." -Melissa Vladar "You get to 'know' the person without any pressures of sex or intimacy. So once you are together you will know what to do and it will seem as though you have been together forever. Online means no complications if you do not want them." -Adena "The best thing about being in an online relationship is knowing that you are loved for who you are, not what you look like." -S. Mazingo "The fact that even if you get into a disagreement, both of you don't end up fighting and hurting each other physically. Words are enough to end a disagreement." -Yewande Fasoranti "The best thing about being in an online relationship is the opportunity to know a person's heart, soul and character without the distraction of their physical persona. True beauty of spirit can make the most plain person into an intoxicatingly beautiful love." -Debra Williams "Learning about your lover much more deeply than if they were right next door. Having the chance to talk about what matters, their interests, instead of doing the things you'd do if he/she were right there." -Manny "The best thing about being in a LDR/online relationship is the communication and plans that both of you talk and make. You develop either great talking or listening skills." -Sandy

by Jennifer M. Good If you are in, or are interested in being in, an online relationship, it is important to know what things to look out for so you don't get hurt -- physically or emotionally. You'll notice many people who can re-tale every horrible incident that happens in online relationships, rest assured you won't find that here. The advice you'll find below is meant for you to use as a way to help protect yourself from getting hurt. The tips are mostly common sense, but sometimes when it comes to love, it's good to have it written down for reference. Person is too secretive. This can be as simple as the person is insecure with letting out information about themselves, to the person being married or living with someone else. Person is often flirting with other people online. Just as in real life you can find "players" online. Watch how your online interest interacts with others. You'll learn more about them, as well as be able to spot any unusual interests. Person wants too much information about you right away. Unless you are 100% completely comfortable about this person, don't give away any personal information. Even then, it is a good idea to keep important information to yourself. Person seems only interested in cyber or phone sex. Unless this is something you are interested in, this relationship is probably not going very far. After trust has been established, person will only give you a pager or cell phone number, but not a home number. This again could just be precautionary, but again, it could indicate a cheating heart. After enough time has developed, person is adamant about not meeting in person. The reason for this could range from the person hiding something about their physical self, their lifestyle, other romantic involvement's, or just protecting themselves. Person wants you to move to local area or in with them after only one or two meetings. While my husband and I broke this rule, I strongly urge other couples to really get to know each other in person. It worked out well for me, but if follow this advice you will find yourself more confident about your choices if you really take the time to know them in person before deciding to make the big traveling step. You find person posting other personal ads online. An obvious heartbreak! Person keeps e-mails from other people hidden or a secret. Something to keep an eye out for. Any relationship that begins or is involved in secrecy has it's days numbered. Person asks for money or other help. You may feel comfortable with this, but it's not a good idea, especially if your just met them. Don't open yourself to a potentially huge loss. Person won't let your mail cards or other gifts to home address. This is also another sign of a possible romantic interest living with them. Take the extra precautions to make sure your online interest is not already involved with someone. Every tip is dependent upon your instincts. What is good for one person may not be good for the next. Use your head, and your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, question it and resolve it quickly. You may discover it was a silly case of doubt, but you may also discover it wasn't!

Ways to keep your sanity before you meet... by Jennifer Good Anyone in an online relationship will tell you the same thing; the worst thing to handle is the distance and the waiting. The thoughts going through your head are enough to drive anyone crazy. A person in an online relationship can be worrying about anything and everything from looking okay to adjusting to a new city or country. So, how do you handle the little nagging thoughts in your head or the loneliness you feel at night? 1. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words Surrounding yourself, and your partner's living space with pictures of each other is a great way to feel each other's presence. Don't just give each other the one or two token pictures. It isn't enough to give each other a good reality of who the other person is. Constantly take pictures of yourselves in different settings. Every time you meet, take pictures of you both together. You'll want to videotape yourself as well. It is a great way for your partner to see the live you whenever they want. 2. Leave Doubt Out, Plan Your Itinerary Together A great way to bide the time while you're waiting to see each other is to plan the itinerary for your next visit. Research together online the local city guides and relevant tourist attraction web sites. Not only will this help take away the question of what to do, it will help add even more excitement and anticipation towards your visit. 3. Get In Touch With Their Life Take the time to get in touch with whom your online love really is. Learning about their home and their history is a great way to accomplish this. Take turns revealing something about your past or somewhere you like to go. Use local city guides to find pictures of your favorite places to go and show them to your online love. 4. Start A Countdown Ritual Each time you are about to meet in person, start some type of countdown ritual. It could be something as simple as telling each other how many days are left each day. Or, you could send a daily e-mail with how many days that are left. It is fun to look forward to something, and it helps assure you that it really is going to happen. 5. Surround Them With You Sight is a wonderful sense, but it isn't fulfilling enough on its own. Assault your online love's senses with other reminders of you. When you meet you won't feel as foreign to each other if you've already smelled their cologne or perfume. They'll know your likes and dislikes if you share your favorite music, movies and food. Your partner will know your mannerisms already if you've exchanged videotapes or make use of a web cam. When people in real life are dating they have more than just a communication exchange to recall. Giving your partner a chance to recall other senses helps make you feel entirely more real to them. Remember to make your time apart an opportunity to fulfill some personal goals and dreams that aren't always as easy to do once you're living with someone. Surround yourself with friends and family when you're feeling down. And, when all else fails, know that true love really is worth the wait.

10 Ways to Close the Intimacy Gap in a Long Distance Relationship by Jennifer Good Intimacy is a key survival ingredient in a long distance relationship. Without that feeling of connectedness, doubts and dissatisfaction start to emerge and can eventually lead to serious problems. Due to this, it's even more important for couples in long distance relationships to find ways of keeping that feeling of togetherness. Fortunately, we're here to help! Below are 10 ways to help you close the intimacy gap in your relationship. The main goal in presenting these ideas is to help you and your partner feel more involved in each other's daily lives. You may not actually be there, but you can definitely make them feel like you're a part of what's going on! 1. VOICE MEMOS Nothing can bridge the gap like the sound of your partner's voice. Voice memos are one of the easiest and cost effective ways to achieve this. You can send your partner a voice memo key chain with the words "I love you" on it. You can get a voice memo photo frame and record "thinking of you always" on it. You can get a personal recorder and just say random thoughts about your day to your partner and send it to them at the end of the week. Many stuffed animal companies offer voice recordings inside of the toy. You could say different recordings such as, good night, sweet dreams, good morning, I love you, and so on. Today's market has so many products available that your options are only limited by your creativeness. 2. DAILY JOURNAL/BLOG Chances are you're pretty Internet savvy if you are in a long distance relationship. If you are, sign up for a free blog somewhere and send your partner the username and password. Use this tool as a way to frequently communicate with each other about your daily life and thoughts. If you don't have access to a blog, write a little something about your day each night. At the end of the week, mail your partner the letters. 3. WEB CAM DATES When you're missing your partner's touch, a web cam date can be the closest remedy available. Frequently arrange a set time for these dates. Take turns planning on what you'll talk about or do. Some couples have used these as an opportunity to share a romantic candlelit dinner, watch a movie together or even play games such as Battleship. 4. SHARE MOMENTS Once a day, stop and do the same thing at the exact same time. You could gaze at the stars, say a little prayer for your partner, send an instant message or take the time to write to each other. Just knowing that you are doing the same thing, at the same exact moment as your partner, can do wonders towards increasing your intimacy. 5. LET IT GROW A plant is often referenced as a symbol of a growing relationship. Use this symbol in your romance by sending each other a plant to take care of. As the plant grows, press leaves or flowers to send to each other in your mailings. When the long distance aspect of your relationship ends, plant them side by side at your new dwelling. 6. SCRAPBOOK OF OUR RELATIONSHIP Often helps to have something to look back on while we are apart. A scrapbook or photo album is a great way to do this. Whenever you are together take LOTS of pictures. After you separate again collect the pictures and put them in an album. Write little notes about how you were feeling during the certain times the photographs were taken and tuck them under or next to the photograph. Make two copies and send one to your partner. Whenever you are feeling lonely, take out your book and remember all the fun times you've had together. 7. JOURNAL OF LOVE LETTERS Couples in long distance relationships are usually faced with more episodes of doubt than the typical relationship. To help counter this, make sure you are both sending letters to each other, even if by e-mail. Every so often, compile your communications and put them in a journal format. If you can, send your partner a copy of the journal as well. Now, whenever those feelings of doubt creep in, make a date with your journal and spend some time reflecting over how well you've have made it so far. 8. MAKE IT PERSONAL Send your partner an item of clothing or something personal that they can see or wear daily. It should be something that you use frequently that will instantly remind them of you. Sometimes it's the littlest things that can make everything feel all right. 9. FRAMED PICTURES There's nothing like seeing your partner's beautiful face daily. Let your face be the first thing they see each morning and the last each night. Make an effort to send framed pictures to your partner whenever possible. I'd try for a new one each month. You can make it more creative as well by having each picture reflect something about each month. For example, in December have a picture taken with Santa or in the snow. You can also use each month as an opportunity to share a moment in your life. Take a picture of you doing something you do every day. Each month pick a new daily task to take a picture of. 10. SCENT OF LOVE One of the most effective ways to trigger an emotion is through the use of scent. When sending something to your partner, spray a bit of your cologne or perfume on it. You can spray things like a pillowcase, a stuffed toy, love letters or a piece of clothing. Remember, while long distance relationships aren't easy, they can be the most rewarding. The time and effort you take to cultivate your intimacy now WILL transfer over into your future time together. The main goal here is to make each other feel like you are connected and involved in each other's daily life. It is the number one success tip of any long distance relationship. If you can achieve this, you will be on the right path to a very successful long-term romance.

by Bob Narindra One of the most difficult parts of a long distance or online relationship is handling the fact that you are not physically there with your partner. This lack of physical presence can make the whole relationship seem like an illusion. I am sure that almost every person in an LDR has wondered at some point about whether the relationship was actually real or just wishful thinking. With this in mind, it is very important to create a presence for yourself in your partner's life to provide a stable reality that you are a couple and that you are a part of one another. Listed below are some ideas and resources to help you achieve this. COMMUNICATION Don't fall out of touch, even for a short time Return all e-mails at the earliest opportunity If you are going out of town or are otherwise going to be unable to respond, let your partner know as soon as possible so they don't think something is wrong or start to have doubts. KEEP ALL ONLINE DATES Talk regularly through voice chat or via the telephone. Your voice adds that touch of reality to the relationship and makes you more than just text on a screen CAM OR VIDEO CHAT if possible or at least send pictures regularly. Can you imagine how differently you would feel if you could actually see your partner when you talk to them? You can bet that they would feel the same. Rather than having to imagine how you looked when you laughed or smiled, they could actually see it. It nullify's any of those doubts you have about whether they will like the way you look. GET TO KNOW AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT THE EACH OTHER Tell your partner about your day to day life, your friends, your relatives, your job etc. Make them feel like they are an integral part of your life. At the same time, find out as much as you can about them too. BE THERE WHEN NEEDED One of the worst mistakes you can make in any relationship is to not be there for your partner when they need you. This is especially true of a long distance relationship as there are already inherent doubts and this will just reinforce those doubts. SEEK YOUR PARTNER'S ADVICE, listen to what they say and make them feel special and important to you. LOVE Love is the backbone of any relationship. As long as the other partner feels that you completely and unconditionally love them, those doubts will not have a chance to creep in. It is up to you to make sure they know exactly how you feel about them. Some ideas include: REINFORCE YOUR AFFECTION with poems, stories and love letters. Send them care packages, post cards and gifts. Create a personalized love craft and send it to them. PRESENCE Make sure you have a presence in your partner's life. Continually reinforce the fact that you are there, that this relationship is real and there is no way that you are going to let a little thing like distance get in your way. If you do the things listed above, you will create a good presence in your relationship. Good luck!