Today I am in a mood I just can't shake I hate to feel sorry for myself I stubborn and pridefull I know but lately I have been reflecting so much and wondering when things went crazy i relize it was pretty much when my son turned 2 and that ticks me off thats when we relized he wasn't quite right and i relized i had no real friends.Thats sad becuse I've always been there for everyone i care about and still am even tho i probaly shouldn't.I've heard all the excuses all the i know its hard jenn.The truth is they don't have a clue no one caRES ENOUGH TO HAVE ONE i DON'T GET PHONE CALLS LETTERS INVITES OUT TO PARTIES OR ANYTHING ELESE WHY? If people werte honest with themselves it would be becus its to much work to be my friend i suppose i'm not worth it dam it now i'm crying. befor i go on to my on line friends the ones who i talk to i thank you cuz if it weren't for you guys i wouldn't realy have any. People i've known my w2hole lifejudge me and its not fair they don't know its my god jenns house gets messy but hey you don't get it you don't know whjat its like to pray your 4 yr old will say out to have your child cry out for hours and not know why or what to do but hold him and cry along or have unbelivable guilt becuse you don't have the time to spend with your daughter that she needs becuse your under soo much stress that even if you had a l.ittle time your cleaning the mess he madeor yelling at hewr becus she left a gate down or a DOOR OPEN AND HER BROTHER GOT THIS OR THAT. oR TELL HER WHY NO ONE CALLS OR WRITES HER ohh god i'm sorry i'm blindly writing its just soo hard lately and i feel sooo alone like everyone i cared about just doesn't think i am worth the effort and it hurts so bad i can't breath instead of rallying around me and the kids its like well jenns a strong person shes so patient justins in good hands buteveryday every task is such a battle and i have no one to confide in no one top sypathize no one that cares and its so hard i'm scaRTED SAD I GEWT MAD BUT HEY I'M STRONG RIGHT I MUST BE BECUSE I HAVE NO SHOULDER TO LEAN ON NO EAR TO VENT TO OH GOD YA KNOW WHAT FUCK IT I CAN'T TYPE ANYMORE I CAN'T SEE THE SCREEN I'M TO UPSET
