Tazz's blog: "Life"

This morning I sit here and just wonder. After talking to a guy that I am proud to consider my brother and finding out all the issues he does have. The world will be without such a loving and caring man. He is the type of guy that if he had something you wanted it would become yours. No question asked. But yet over a small amount of $200/Mon MN MA cuts him off of medical insurance that basically sentencing him to death. See without this insurance he can't have things like the organ rejection medications ($11,000/Mon) or the dilisys ($20,000 a time 3 times a week) that he needs to stay alive. The state cut him off after having a stroke leaving him unable to see enough to even prepare food for himself but yet MN MA cuts him off. Reno Lee Brandt we all love you and wish things were different that you were able to stay with us longer. I will always and forever remember you.

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Gotta love family sometimes.  I made one of the hardest decisions of my life to sign over my rights to my daughters so my exwife's husband can adopt them.  Told my family that and now im no longer welcomed at my families house.  Sure shows the value of family now days.   I expected them to be mad but not to this point.  I guess biological family just isnt what it is suppose to be now days atleast in my case. 

Well for those that want to know more about me here it is.  I grew up with a family but I didnt feel like I really belonged there.  My parents always did everything for my brother and sister.  My dad kept telling me to not get into computers cause the money wasnt there.  That I was wasting my time.  Then when I hit 17 me and dad really started fighting.  It even got to the point my own dad told me that I better fucking hit him and get it over with cause he would punch my lights out if i did.  That really hurt hearing him say that.  I was kicked out of the house 3 times while still in school.  My own dad even had stuff i was making payments on repo'ed cause he had pull in town.  He would tell people there was no way I could pay for things even tho I was working two jobs while going to school.  Then I made up a lie to just get out of there and moved to Minot, ND.  There I worked for Walmart and told my family I was in training for management just to keep them off my butt.  Then I got laid off and found myself in Maddock, ND as a Systems Administrator.  I enjoyed my work and moved to Fargo, ND with that firm.  Once I got to Fargo, ND I started at NDSU for Computer Science.  During the first semester I had caught mono without dating anyone...only thing the doc said was there was water fountains at the college that could of given me it.  Once I caught that I was fired from my job since I could not make it to work on time or at all due to always wanting to sleep.  While in fargo I met someone.  We had gotten pregnant with a child but 2-3 months into it she lost the baby while drinking at a party.  That bruized me to the point i completely shut her out of my life and went into depression.   Then I moved back to my parents house and started working on trying to better my life.  During that I met my exwife.  We met at a street dance in Williston.  About 8 months later we were married.  Things were going ok for the first year.  Then we had our first daughter, Melinda.  My ex started to seperate from us to the point i was taking care of Melinda all the time which I didnt mind.  I cherrish the time I had with her as a stay at home dad.  Then we had our second child, Katelyn.  Shortly after that my ex sat me down in the living room after a few years of fighting to tell me how many guys she had slept with while married to me.  I had collapsed on the living room floor and woke up to her kicking me and my oldest shaking me telling me "Daddy wake up!"  I came to and my ex told me to get them food instead of seaking medical attention.  Two hours later one of my best friends got ahold of me and rushed over to rush me up to the ER.  When I first checked in my blood pressure was over 500/200.  I should of been dead but luckly I survived it.  That night I packed my bags and the girls bags and moved back in with my parents.  During that time my ex wanted nothing to do with the girls.  Then one day i was out of town on business and got told that she came and picked them up.  That was the last time I had full custody of my daughters.  Ever since then I have been fighting to gain time with them even tho the child custody paperwork shows every other weekend.  Over the last few years I have been threw almost all things.  From my dad and i fighting and him telling me I was the worse mistake he has ever made to losing everything i have worked for 3 times.  I have had a rough life but not as rough as some people.  To this day I do not know what to think of my own dad since he likes to tell me when I am home that i eat too much and that I am fat.  I have also had to deal with a couple crazy exgfs.  

But now for the happy ending.  After eight years of knowing my beautiful fiancee we got back together and now we are living happily together and planning our wedding.  Is there a real happily ever after?  I believe there is.  There is always that one person out there that wants you to be a better person and makes you smile just looking at them.  I know I have that now and I couldnt be happier with that.  

As for my daughters we are preparing to take my exwife back to court to make her uphold the custody agreement.  Keep in mind this is a brief part of my life....there are parts of it i did leave out just cause of how much it does hurt to say....