Meags's blog: "life"

OK so really I leave friday to head to England. I am so excited. My dad was in the AF for 20 yrs and the only place out of the country I"ve ever been is Canada and the Bahamas. My brother is stationed in England now and his Fiancee, almost wife, is from Italy. So i ghet to go to 2 brand new countries for me. I love to fly and I can't wait, it's just that I've never flown alone. That part is the part that has me soooo worried. I hope I don't miss my plane. I won't have much of a layover on my way out of the states, on the way back though I have like a 4 hour layover. Such is life I suppose. Well anyways there will be lots of pics uploaded when I get back, or perhaps even while I'm there.

What do you do when all you can do is nothing? The feelings that you have are there and not so easy to change. I wish I could change how I feel and make life easier for you because in the end my life would also be just a little easier and my heart wouldn't hutn nearly as bad. I have to put on this brave face everytime I think about you and the fact that I can't really have you. I should be extremely happy with what I have an in the end I guess I am... But why do I keep looking? Is it because at one point I had nothing to look forward to and even though now I do I don't want to be in that situation again. I was alone for so long and it sucked... I mean I have really great friends but that love isn't the same... Ugh.... My intention was never to hurt anyone, so why is it that I do? I mean really... Sigh. Deep sigh