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First of all, this is not a journal I wrote. It's one I read from a friends blog on another sight but it is very accurate and how I feel about polyamory.
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One of the most valuable things being poly has taught me is not to be threatened by peoples connections with others.
Not to assumed that the connection a person I may be involved with has with someone else will somehow diminish the connection that I have with them.
My connections with the people I love are not harmed or threatened by the love and bonds they share with others.
The most important thing to understand upon undertaking polyamoury (in my opinion) is that love is abundant.
Love is limitless.
Love is something to be shared.
It is not restricted by anything other than our own fears.
There is plenty to go around. And every connection we ever have with anybody differs from the next.
My love for my boyfriend doesn't somehow leave me with less to share with my girlfriend.
In fact I'd go as far as to say it only exacerbates what feelings are already there.
His love for her and hers for him doesn't leave them with less for me.
When I see my boyfriend snuggling up to one of his female friends or flirting. I'm like, meh, I was over here eating chocolate and watching TV anyway, I'll get snugs in a bit. Its not like I'm deprived in the snuggle department. If hes sad because him and a female friend have had a fight. I am sad for him.
Jealousy is a feeling that comes from the idea that you are lacking, a feeling quite the opposite of abundant. It comes from a place of insecurity and self doubt. Which is why when I get jealous or possessive (and oooh I really do!) in my poly relationship, I am always more inclined to look at myself and what has triggered those feelings in me, and why they were there in the first place.
When I look at my girlfriend and boyfriend together, the majority of the time, my heart flutters with joy and love, and all I see is two people I adore, feeling happy and being loved.
Does it matter that those feelings are not a direct result of something Ive done?
Nope. Not one bit.
Because I don't need it to be.
I get more love out of each of these people as individuals than I would if I was with them monogamously. And as a poly three-way, my love life is quite simply: abundant.
As love should be.
Life is strange. Sometimes I wish I was more than one person. My mind is forever unsettled. I have made choices in my life. Some good, some bad, some I can never go back to, some I wish I could, some I'm glad are gone, some I wish I could make instead of hanging out there forever.
I feel overwhelmed with choices and know I can't be the only one with stress and second guesses about choices I've made or choices I want to make and yet I feel alone like I'm the only one.
Is it true that one person MUST choose one path and walk it without and trips over the course of their life?
I know it sounds cryptic but I just have a lot of stuff on my mind right now.
