BeautifulDisaster's blog: "Life and time of a Beautiful Disaster"

The moon hung low that evening and the stars gleamed in proud glory against the darkness of the sky.  While most people lingered on the edge of sleep and shops were shut down for the night, a single tavern stood out in sleepy town, bustling with life.  Lady Wolf stood quietly at the end of a dusty road.  Golden orbs reflecting the soft hue of yellow that creeped onto the ground outside of a large window which looked into the tavern.  The whites of her eyes were reddened, and her cheeks were stained of tears.  A deep sigh hissed softly between her deep cherry lips and she began to walk toward the front door of the tavern.  At the entry way she noted a rugged sign which bore the words "The Green Dragon Inn" scrawled, old, almost ancient writing.  The door itself was fairly new, standing proudly and with a welcome presence.  A gloved hand slipped from beneath a deep red cloak and pressed against the door.  She pushed, the hinges groaning loudly in protest as she slowly opened the door.  As she stepped into the room a sudden hush befell the people of the tavern.  Curious eyes peered upward in her direction, questioningly, wonderingly.  Lady Wolf stiffened, her composed facade slipping in the attentive stares of the tavern dwellers.  As quickly as the hush had fallen, the noise resumed.  Slowly she proceeded further into the tavern and sat at an empty table near the back of the room. 

{To be continued...}

I closed my eyes and dreamed of you

like many nights before

except you stopped and looked at me

it knocked me to the floor

I saw the look upon your face

a silent, empty stare

it sent a shiver down my spine

that cold and hardened glare

I could not breathe, I could not move

felt stranded in my skin

I could not run, I could not hide

you found your way in

I tried to scream, I tried to shout

instead there came no sound

save me from this beastly dream

where I am strictly bound

Poison Within

as the cold seeps to the bone
slithers far beneath the skin
to the coursing blood within,
lamenting silently, so forlorn
tainting crimson, steals the heat
bitter cold, doth from it retreat
coursing innards with deepend scorn
the poison as it takes it's toll
upon the life, and tortured soul
shattered fragments, mangled, torn
ails the body, mind and all
wretched form, shall break and fall
but for us, none shall mourn

Holidays always seem to make me think about my life in a different perspective.  It makes me think of family, friendships, people.

Mostly it makes me think of the traditions I've learned in my lifetime and how my traditions will mold how my children define holidays, or remember them.

I've always been fond of Holidays and the traditions that come with it.  They've always left lasting impressions on my mind growing up, and have always been something I can look back fondly on and say "Yes, we had a family tradition and it was the stuff of legends."  Well maybe not legends, but it always did make me smile.

And as I grow older, and my family life changes, and grows and expands, my traditions integrate with the people whose lives integrate with my own.

We make and start our own traditions for our own family, and sometimes we integrate traditions together and make them our own.

I can't wait to see what memories we make.  This family of mine.

And someday, maybe two beautiful little boys won't be kept so far away from me.

Someday.

People enter our lives, for whatever reason.  They fill it with laughter, pain, tears, drama.  Whatever their purpose is in your life, they enter it and serve it.  Some stay for years and fade away, and some enter briefly into your life, vanishing just as quickly as they had come.  There are people whom you create a raporte with and instantly take to, and there are people whom you wouldn't trust as far as you can throw them. 

They come and they go, and sometimes they stay.  But no matter who they are, they leave little imprints along your path. 

The people who grace our lives can sometimes teach us lifelong lessons and help shape how we feel about relationships.

We love, and hate, or we simply don't care at all.

And sometimes, people help us realize who we are as an individual.

And because of him.  I discovered something.

I discovered myself on this long, trialing journey.

So for whatever reason he came into my life, he came for a reason.

Perhaps even as our lives drift onward, i'll someday learn to forgive him.

Maybe someday, after all the tears are spent, and the hurt has eased.

I'll forgive him.

Though, I do thank him.  And because of him, I strive for the betterment of myself.  I realize i'm worth it.

Worth all the love I didn't get, all the help I didn't recieve and all the faithfulness I didn't have.

I'm worth every bit of it.

I break inside,

I live, I die

Fading fast

I pray, I try

The cold ground feels

the tears I cry

Heaven hears

my whispered sigh

Catch me

I fall

Hear me

I call

On this ground I lay

with my last goodbye

I went to school last night less then thrilled.  6 p.m. - 10 p.m. classes make for a less than exciting evening, especially when the instructor seems to know nothing about the topic at hand or the class.  I was sitting in class and looking over the team assignment; a rough draft of the team paper.  Realization that the third teammate in our group had done a minimum of 340 words out of a possible 700 words due for our paper made me want to take my laptop and smash it over his head.  I thought it, the visual was nice, but I refrained.  Until I read his part of the paper.  Incredibley enough it was the worst possible thing I could have ever read and had NOTHING to do with what the entire paper was about.  What!?  Are you kidding me?  300 words of nothing but ranting and raving!?  Where's the research?  Where's the references?  Citations!?  And mostly where the hell is the APA format!?  You do NOT write a college level paper like you speak!  Hi classmate, you've been in about as many classes as I've been in, about 13+ classes under your belt, and by now you should have had some idea on how to write a college level paper.  Uhm, we're constantly bouncing from 200 level classes to 400 are you seriously kidding me?

Oh, and for someone who's been in 13+ classes how do you STILL not know how to put bullets on a slideshow presentation?  And you're supposed to be in a computer major?  I'm beginning to wonder if he even does his own work.  Watching him fumble through a powerpoint slide last night and how he couldn't even figure out how to indent bullet points more was astounding me. 

I never want this individual in my team again.  I can't stand the incompetence. 

I hate relying on my part of a team project on a classmate who has absolutely no idea what he or she is doing.  My grade is important to me.  Straight A's.  I refuse to let some idiot bring our grade down because the team project was less than exemplorary.

/end rant