>Letter from Mom
>
>
>Dearest Redneck Son,
>I'm writing this slow because I know you can't
>read fast. We don't live where we did when you
>left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
>most accidents happen within 20 miles of your
>home, so we moved. I won't be able to send
>you the address because the last West
>Virginia family that lived here took the house
>numbers when they moved so they wouldn't
>have to change their address.
>
>This place is really nice. It even has a washing
>machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of
>clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't
>seen them since.
>The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice
>last week; the first time for three days and the
>second time for four days.
>About that coat you wanted me to send; your
>Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to
>send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
>them off and put them in the pockets.
>Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We
>were really worried because it took him two
>hours to get me and your father out.
>Your sister had a baby this morning, but I
>haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know
>if you are an aunt or uncle.
>Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last
>week. Some men tried to pull him out but he
>fought them off and drowned. We had him
>cremated, he burned for three days.
>Three of your friends went off a bridge in a
>pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled
>down the window and swam to safety. Your
>other two friends were in the back. They
>drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate
>down!
>There isn't much more news at this time.
>Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
>Your Favorite Aunt,
>Mom
