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Life is about living and trying new things. It is also about lessons and learning, Learning about yourself and others around you. Learning what you are and aren't capable of. What others are and arent capable of. What you like don't like. What others like don't like.
Anyways. I learned a great deal about myself in just a span of a couple hours. I learned that I am not capable of explaining my feelings to anyone. It always comes out wrong. In the end I come out looking like a flip flopping, game playing moron. People get mad get upset, and in the end noone wins. I learned that I am not a very lovable guy. Noone can really love me. Why should they really? I can't express myself in words very well. What I want doesn't really matter. People make their own conclusions and I get left tongue tied. I learned that I believe I was meant to be alone for my entire life. No kids, no wife, nothing. This breaks my heart most, as I really do want a family. I can't force someone to be with me if they dont want to be and I shouldnt do something just to keep them with me. If they really wanted to be with me, then they would understand and be with me regardless. I blame myself for how things have turned out in my life, thre good and the bad. I have a generally good life and am generally a happy guy. I hope one day to be completely happy. I had that once upon a time.
