Barbed Wire Roses's blog: "Laugh Much"

IS Hell Exothermic or Endothermic? The following is supposedly an actual question given on a American University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Men can't live with them and, you can't live with out them For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. 1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like .....Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like .......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like ......Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like ..Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll getor how long it will last. 12. Men are like .........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at,but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

HUGS GONE WRONG (ROUGH SEX) DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY A HUMAN : but it's funny! A hug leads to a kiss...a kiss leads 2 a finger...a finger leads to a a hand...a hand leads to a lick...a lick leads to a suck...a suck leads 2 a fuck. So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this cuz sex is like math...u add the bed...subtract the clothes...divide the legs...leave your solution...and pray you dont multiply! Send this right after u read it, something good will happen at 2:25 tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock in your life!! Whoever breaks this chain will be cursed w/ relationship problems 4-10 years. If you send this in 15 mins. your safe. Something good will happen tonight at 11:11pm. This is not a joke...someone will either call you or will talk to you online. Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth Having nice sex burnes 358 calories. Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories. Take off his clothes with his consent.........................12 cal without......................187 cal Take off his boxer With two hands..........................8 cal With one hand.........................12 cal With mouth.............................85 cal Put on Protection hard ........................... 6 cal soft..........................315 cal Foreplay Looking for target...................8 cal Finding G spot ......................92 cal I don't F***ing care.....................0 cal Entry Holding him..................12 cal On the floor.................8 cal With Different Position Missionary..........................358 cal Doggy...........................316 cal 69 lying...............................286 cal 69 standing.............................512 cal Italian hanger.........................912 cal Orgasm Real................................112 cal Faking................................315 cal After "Oh" Lying in Bed............................18 cal Hop off the bed............................36 cal Wondering why he's left pissed off...........816 cal Get dressed Quiet and calm...........................32 cal Rushing.........................98 cal Heard his boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal Heard his dad/2 yr old baby sista at the door.............1942 cal

The perfect Husband... PRICELESS!!!! Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!" Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!

Escaped Convict A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!!"

"Adults Only" Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A.) So men can be open minded. Q.) What's the speed limit of sex? A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around. Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck! Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego... A.) "Is it in?" Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A.) One of his fingers is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q.) What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A.) They both cost the same, they both take about the same amount of time, and in both cases if the rubber breaks, you're dead!

Angry Wife She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making Love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset! "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened" It'll be the last thing you'll say to me!" And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she Was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, The ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I Don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't Wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at Work has a pair like them.." He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said '"Please.... ....do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

MARRIED LIFE - MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP, SUCH A HAPPY ENDING! Read on................. A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back. "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love? She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer with brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... " He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that he was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, sushi and little quiches. "But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES, BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT CRAP IS OVER, GOT IT, DIPSHIT?" And, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

Brian woke up one morning immensely aroused, so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Lisa, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, Brian called his little boy into the room and asked him 'Take this note to your beautiful Mommy'. The note read: The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed. Lisa, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son, 'Take this to your silly Daddy.' The note read: Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away,The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today. Brian read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to "Take it back to the Lady in the kitchen.' The note read: The Tent Pole's Still Up,And The Canvas Still Spread, So Drop What You're Doing, And Come Give Me Some Head. Laughing, Lisa answered the note and then asked her son, 'Take this to the poor dude upstairs.; The note read: I'm Sure That Your Poles the Best In The Land. But I'm Busy Right Now, So Do It By Hand!

Questions and Answers Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick. Q.Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it. Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? A. About three inches. Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms? A. For traction in the mud. Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A. They don't have balls to scratch.