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SO i jst got back and i can't stop thinking that i probably should not have drank what i had. Thinking is a constant thing lately and there's nothing i can do about it i hate it but it doesnt stop.
I can't wait for the day where i can look into his eyes and tell him i love him hold him close and be there for him when he needs me, he makes me smile each and everyday doesn't even have to try..the way he makes me feel is unbelievable and i really dont care what people say he makes me happy so fuck off and leave it alone he's my dream come true and i'm glad he's who he is there is nothing i would change if i had the choice...
HAHAH Random check list...
Does he make you smile [XX]
Does he make you blush [XX]
Does he treat you right [XX]
Is he there for you [XX]
Can he make your heart race [XX]
Does he make you wish you were in his arms [XX]
Does he give you reason to live [XX]
Does he protect you when he can [XX]
Does he care [XX]
Does he love you unconditionally [XX]
Would he do anything for you [XX]
Would you do anything for him [XX]
Would you die with out the other [XX]
Would he get pissed off if something happend to you [XX]
Does he worry about you daily [XX]
Does the sound of his voice put you at ease at any cost [XX]
Do you dream about him [XX]
Can you tell him anything and hell accept it [XX]
Well i know what he does for me and much much more but theres times i just wish i could show it and prove it
Can he make you feel like no other can [XX]
I keep thinking about Saturday night when my 4 mnth old nephew died my sister was in an accident friday i think it was last week hard to say i dont remember exactly i no it was the last friday of may and my nephew was the night after my sister made it but i still tend to worry. Rip Shane i miss you, i know your in good hands though because your uncle is there...you never met him but hell take care of you, theres alot of pple who will forever n always my little honeypot!
went to batoche today it was great had a blast on the 11 hour bus ride those of you who werent there damn you missed a great time...
photography trip tomorrow going to take a buncha picutres it works nothign better to do...
there are so many thoughts racing through my head they prevent me from falling asleep dont know if i honestly want to or not tho hmm hadn't thought about that untiil now
i cant get into it right now id prefer not to cry
***needs to meditate
yes its after 5 in the morning yes im still awake thinkin to hard wondering to much..
there are so many thoughts racing through my head i doubt that ill sleep i cant help but close my eyes and remember the good...the bad...the mistakes made...the nights i layed awake staring into the nothingness...the times when i used to stare deep into the stars n know everything was gonna be fine...my first full moon with him walkin on that beach the sand between my toes the water around my ancles walking hand in hand knowing it was true...the last night we spent together...the ones who left us...the ones who gave up...the late night phone calls...the early morning walks...the last words said to those certain people...times where nothing but fire made me smile...and many many more...all these things make me wonder what if it were different sometimes i wish they were...
yet at the same time all these memories created me...they evolved into my life they can't be helped anymore so now i start to paunder the abyss of what's coming next...though i've learnt not to think to hard about these it still happens can't be helped one day everything will seem like a blur a dream maybe when that day comes ill finally be okay when this day comes i will have no more worries no more stress when this day comes ill be lookin back and thinking how stupid i was laugh at some things cry at others but ill finally be completely happy...when will that day come?
I hate not being able to sleep especially when i wake up screaming or crying
I sometimes wish i could jst go away leave everything behind start fresh be someone knew just run from everything and everyone... that wont happen tho so ill keep myself sane by wondering staying awke as long as i possibly can i like it that way once i tier myself out so bad that i force myself to pass out i know ill sleep actually sleep not jst scream or cry,....the nightmares breifly leave that way...
