Kookster's blog: "Kooky Nutt"

I see a bad moon arisin'! I see trouble up ahead. That's an old CCR song. Creedence Clearwater Revival was a great band. But let us face the facts. CCR is really John Foggerty. He is and was the front man. He didn't need the band. They needed him. In the Eagles case it is different. Every member of the Eagles are important to the group. They are all singers and talented musicians. What does all this mean..? I am getting older than the hills! But I still look good, daddyo!

Chief Seeking Beaver called and tole me the toxic wastes were bubbling again. Trouble ahead. The chief is the leader of the great Muffenbush Injun Tribe. They have a reservation on Mt. Sexabus. I am friends with the entire tribe. The Chief shares my belief that the toxic wastes are bad fer the community and have somehow caused the supernatural elements to run amok! Something bad is about to happen. We will have to wait and see.

Yea, I tell it like I see it. Sometimes I may have blurred vision. But usually, I am right on target. I figure if you are gonna write you might as well write the truth. Yea, I'm blunt! I am straight to the point. And am a dirty minded feller. I don't wanna lead you down the marriage trail. I wanna lead you to the bedroom and get you out of them pants! If you won't let me do it then some other woman will. It's just the flow of the universe. And I try not to swim upstream. Go with the flow. Man! I has been having some crazy dreams fer the past few years. I keep seeing a brunett woman in a silver spae suit. The woman claims to be my real mother. She keeps telling me she is from the planet Moron and my father is an earth man named Jocko the Clown. Yea, it freaks me out. This woman claims I am half-earthling and half-moron. She tells me the moron half of me is what makes me so horny. And to think, I thought it was my pecker! Dumass me! I think it is weird to have so many similar dreams. Moron Mama comes to see me in dreams about three times per month. And when I awake I can recall every word in the dream! You reckon it may not be a dream..? Could the woman be real and telling me the truth..? Only time will tell. I reckon.

I ain't trying to boast. It sounds like it, but I swear I ain't boasting. I is stating a natural born factoid! You got men who is smarter than me. I ain't a rocket scientist. That's fer sure. I only went to school fer the lunches. Then you got the pretty men. Most of them is queerer than a three dollar bill. I reckon I is above average in the looks department. But thar is one thing that sets me ahead of the boys out thar. I is hung like a stud pony! Yea, it's a bona fide factoid! All my growth settled between my legs. When I step up to a piss trough and say, "Whewee! The water is cold!" I ain't lying! I know the water is cold. That's why I was so popular in the porn flicks. I had the right sized tool fer the job! You put down one of them footlong hotdog buns and I can fill it from end to end. I call it my shebanger. It stays up most of the time. No ole softee here! To this point... I ain't never needed none of them pecker hardon pills. Yea, I is all natural. Just ask some of my galfriends and they will tell you. Or, if you is an adult woman... Stop by Hillywood and I'll show it to you. You show me your boobs and I'll show you my mighty shebanger! Sounds like a fair deal to me. Well, don't act shocked... What do expect from Kooky Nutt?

Hillywood is located about two miles outside the city limits of Hoopee Holler. A few years ago, Hoopee Holler made a deal with the feds. The feds could dump toxic wastes in the big sinkhole up on the Mountain. It was serving as a landfill fer the local garbage. In return fer the dumping rights, the local citizens of Hoopee Holler would never have to pay anymore federal taxes. We got more take home pay. The deal was put to a vote and passed by a large margin. People were blinded by the money. My parents sold the feds 5,000 acres on the far side of Mt. Sexabus. The Military built a secret base thar. It ain't a secret. Everyone knows it is thar. But no one can get in thar without being shot. My parents made a real fortune on the land sale. After selling it, my parents moved to Lexington. What people did not think of was the threat the toxic wastes posed to the local enviroment and a possible health threat to the entire population of Hoopee Holler and surrounding areas. Since the toxic wastes were dumped we have had some weird things happen that defy logical explanation. Supernatural things! No one will admit the toxic wastes had anything to do with the weird stuff. But they never started happening until the toxics were dumped. You never know what will happen next. But when the toxic wastes commence to bubbling then you can be certain something weird is gonna happen. Just wait and see.

Bambi came over today and styled my hair. She comes over every Thursday. Bambi is my hair stylist and one of my HoneyNutts. That means we has been in the sack a few times. After the trim, Bambi went fer a swim in the pool. She doesn't need any swim clothes. Not around me. I tell you what... Bambi bears a strong resemblance to Heather Locklear. I ain't joking! Bambi is cute and she has got more physical attributes than Heather has. Bigger boobs. Yea, I know, "More than a Mouthful is a Waste!" But... I can handle the waste! Yeehaw! Bambi finished off with some shagging and some wine. Then she spent the night. I didn't want her to drive drunk. And I didn't want Cooky to have to drive her to town. I needed some company fer the night. Bambi was more than willing to stay. She tole me her husband Earl was driving his big rig truck up north and would not be home until the weekend. I imagine ole Earl was knocking off some ass at a truck stop. Yea, Bambi is hitched. But hey... I don't discriminate against married women. They need shagging too!

Hotel Nuts is the place to be. As far as nuthouses go. I was treated like a king thar. Pappy owns stock in the nuthouse. He owns stock in just about everything. More stuff than I wanna keep up with. My parents ain't in league with the super rich. But they are trying to get thar. I ain't gonna bet against them. I had my own private room at Hotel Nuts. It was covered in soft blue rubber. The walls, the ceiling and the floor were all rubber. I could fall out of bed and never get a bruise. At the nuthouse, you get plenty of free drugs. But no booze. I ain't never been much of a drugger. Yea, I smoke some grass once in a blue moon. And I do have to take a daily dose of anti-nut medication. But that is it. Maybe some Tylenol PM at bedtime with a double shot of bourbon. It helps me sleep. Nuthing else. Pappy and Mama got me out of Hotel Nuts real quick. They did not want to visit me thar. It is bad fer their image. But not mine! I loved the other crazy folks. I met many interesting people thar. Sure...Most of them is crazy...But no one is perfect!

Since my baby left me... I got a new place to dwell. It's down at the end of lonely street at Hillywood Hotel. I was married once to a sweet gal. Back then she was so sweet I could have just eaten her up! After the divorce... I wish I had! She tried to take me to the cleaners but she made the mistake of finding out I don't have nuthing. My family owns everything. Thar is nuthing in my name. Oh, she bitched and complained. Threatened to tell the world that I was a porn star. I tole her to go ahead. I ain't ashamed of my porn career. I is kinda proud of it! Well, pappy gave her a check with lots of zeroes. She was happy. Moved to the Bahamas. I don't hear from her no more. Pappy tole me never to marry agin without getting the bride to sign one of them pre-nuptial agreements. I assured him that won't be a problem. Once being married was enuff fer Kooky Nutt!

This is it... Kooky Nutt has finally made his way here! Rejoice! I am the King of the Bloggers! Check it out if you don't believe me. You want fun and excitement you can get it all in a Kooky Blog. Yea, baby... I am six foot, one...Weigh a solid 200 pounds of romping, stomping, graveyard destruction! I can kiss the gals and make them lie! I am an ex-porn stud. I know how to do it! I now live at my Hillywood Estate. C'mon over and party sometime. Try it and if you don't like it then delete me. What have you to lose? You can have Kooky Nutt or you can have them other old boys who don't know what to say or do! Take a trial run with the King of the Bloggers! It's free! But I is habit-forming! Yeehaw!

People say I look like Elvis did in his prime. I may look some like him. But not much in my estimation. Course, my looks helped me in the porn stud business. I do not look like either one of my parents. Thar is a reason fer this. They adopted me. I have no clue as to who my real parents were. Mama tole me I was left on the doorstep of their home when I was a baby. I had a note on me saying. "Please raise Kooky." That was it. My parents used their financial resources to adopt since they could not have kids. I am their only child. I betcha if they knew how I was gonna turn out they would have put me in an adopting agency! Naw, my parents love me. But they are overprotective. I appreciate all they do fer me. They honestly think I am insane. But it is mainly just an act. I am an actor.