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It is very difficult to not smoke while I am sitting here on the laptop now. I refuse to smoke since I have a new keyboard now that does not have any ashes to clean out yet. I am tempted to put an ash tray to my right and just not let myself type while smoking maybe?
Anyways! Just wanted to blog about somethings and think about somethings. Still thinking about most of them so I am not blogging them yet. :-P
I have been doing even more cleaning than usual. I almost have this room done and have space to make this a livable place for the hermit that I am becoming. Ever get to that point where you care less and less as the days go by? I'm frustrated, annoyed, irked, and I need attention even though like a cantankerous old cat I am hiding more and more. I just deleted a shit ton of people from my cell phone contacts. Shayne acted like an ass and I'm not talking to him. He can find me if he wants to talk and I just sort of feel that way about a lot of people and things in my life right now.
I'm being random so I shall end with the best comment I made on Facebook this week.
I fail @ gay social networking. Nothing new
I was told that someone liked the phrasing and not the fail and I feel it applies.
Still meditating and yeah I said I was closing this blog but I decided not to do so yet. Anyways, what the hell are peoples upto and have I missed anything worthwhile on here? I plan to be here less and less anymore but this place is losing the charm. I just do not want to get online anywhere where I feel I must constantly defend myself and/or argue with people anymore.
Yup, I'm in a foul mood now. I got deleted on my gay site as always. Bleh.
I guess at least they refunded my donation to the site but still it pisses me off to no end. It just kinda of depressing, and irksome.
Well I got a lot done today. I am not sure if I had mentioned it or not but I am working on making a lot more space in here. First off I removed that horrible bed and now have a couch in here. I prefer a couch though. I am now working on cleaning out the closet and putting stuff into cargo totes and what not.
Also I have been working on fixing my spiritually again. I have been doing space cleansings and tonight is the second night I have made myself do my meditations again. These are actually easier than I remember them being back before so either I am getting better at them or I am just crazier than usual.
I also know I have been really distant from a lot of you recently and I am just still in an odd spot right now. I start to text some people and then just hit cancel. It is weird I know but when am I not weird? I will start coming back around and about more soon though. I may even text people again someday.
Anyways. Not like anyone reads this stuff.
Just another rant about ebay. I am sadly having to get very irked with the seller I am attempting to purchase this keyboard replacement from. I was told that I could send a money order to the seller so I did so and mailed it certified mail. I was polite and even messaged the seller to inform them it was on the way. Being certified mail and going to a PO Box it will leave a notification that the seller needs to come and sign for it. This notification was left in the PO Box Monday and yet the seller denies it is there. I have spoken with the post there and am still being told the same thing by the seller despite what the tracking information says.
So is the seller just being lazy, or do they just not want my money? I'm sure they would be bitching and complaining if a buyer had not sent payment so why are they giving me so many problems to simply accept payment? I did not know ordering things online had became this complex.
/end rants
Bleh. I'm irked right now and I do not know if I have the right to be or not. Actually I know I have the right to be and obviouslly this is some lesson the universe is putting me through right now. I may or may not have just lost Shayne again. However I have lost him before and survived. I have lost things much more valuable to me since then as well. I will get over it.
I am just tired of being hidden by people. I am perfect for private little intruiges, or drunken phone calls at midnight but it seems so many guys just do not want anyone else to know that they talk to me. I'm just freaking tired of it so I said something to him. He said he wants me to be honest so there it goes. I may also get ten kinds of shit over it but if he cannot be my friend then he is no loss.
Blogging is a release for me so I just had to get that out. I am seriouslly hoping for my friends to blind date me though at that point cause I needs some dating helps people. :-P
Anyways, How the hell are you folks?
I'm not crazy. W00-H00! (Not in a bad way so shut up!)
Have you ever had one of those ex's that for whatever reason wanted to make you think the entire time that you were crazy and that there was something wrong with you? Have you ever had one of those times in your life that you began to believe them that something was wrong with you?
Then have you ever started turning things around without them then go to that point where you had to find out the truth once and for all only to find out that everything that you thought that they were doing behind your back was in fact reality. I had all this happen and I am looking at the postive of it right now.
The good from this being that I was right and I am learning from this to trust my own insticts and intuitions more.
I am also free now emotionally to pursue a relationship with a really good guy that a month ago I was not ready to fully open up to and now I am able to do so.
Okay so I can't think of anything else good about it right now but there are two good things that came of it and I just watched my first Charlie Chaplin movie today and I have to say that I enjoyed the hell out of it. I have always liked black and white movies but I was not sure about a mostly silent film. I watched Modern Times and I have to say that it was a hoot. It was a truly great flick and it reminds me of the times when someone actually had to have some kind of talent to be in a flick.
So anyways it looks like things are looking up for me and going to continue that way.
Where do I want to move at the end of the Summer by the way?
I got my pin number for my debit card today. I am starting to feel like a real person again. I think I shall feel even more so like one once I do actually get the card and then get to start back to work on the 27th. I am counting down the days now though because I am bored to tears honestly. I guess I am going to have to figure out how to do online banking though as I bank out of state. I had this wonderful bank account back when I lived in Tennessee and I never closed it. The banks here are rude though so I refuse to bank with them again and with the day and age of direct deposit I figured it was best to just use my old bank from TN.
You can pretty much pay for anything with a debit card anymore right?
Anyways. How the hell are you people?
This entire opus is respectfully dedicated to all those who have loved unconditionally only to have their hearts unanaesthetically ripped out: Base not your joy on the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. No hope = No fear.
That is just my favorite quote from the Bloody Kisses album liner.
Yes. The reports are true that Peter Steele died last night due to heart failure. I just wanted to make a blog to share some of his music with my friends here that may or may not know of how wonderful he was.
I am posting below in comments and if you have a favorite then feel free to post it as well.
So have you had one of those nights and morning you were kind of bummed out and then you found that song that just brightened your day? Well i found one and it is perking me up along with the coffee. I am not even going to bother to try to post it here so I will post it below in the comments instead. Feel free to share some totally 80's groovy tunes if you have them too.
