Favorite Movies:
Monty Python's Holy Grail, Broken Lizard movies, Mel Brooks movies, can't be a nerd without the Star Wars set, Lord of the Rings, Princess Bride, all Bill Murray comedies, Jet Li movies, Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, Gods and Generals, Gettysburg, Andersonville, Shall We Dance, Under the Tuscan Sun, Accepted, Old School, Blade trilogy, all Marvel movies, every Pixar movie, Pirates of the Carribean trilogy, Aeon Flux, Chronicle of Riddick, Pitch Black, Hunt for the Red October, and Willow, the entire ensemble of the dead movies (zombies are funny).

Favorite Books:
Gods and Generals, Killer Angels, Last Full Measure, Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, Anne Rice novels, Tom Clancy, alternate histories, the Hannibal series
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Would the ocean be deeper if there were no sponges in it?

Why do 24 hour stores have locks on them?

Why are apartments so close together?

What idiot put an 's' in the word lisp?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If you had amnesia and then were cured, would you remember that you forgot?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Do people who spend $2 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it that you continually go back to the fridge or cabinet in hopes that something new will be there?

The more you study the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know… So why study?

If the grass is always greener on the other side, then once you get on the other side, will you want to come back? Will you ever be on the greener side?

If you eat a Kit-Kat, but you’re thinking of a Twix, isn’t that considered cheating?

If you stay awake all night, do you still have morning breath?

If pro is the opposite of con, than is progress the opposite of congress

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Testical?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say “you know what…I’m gonna squeeze those pink dangly things and drink whatever comes out”?

-Random quotes-

"When you are laboring for others let it be with the same zeal as if it were for yourself."

"He who requires much from himself and little from others, will keep himself from being the object of resentment."

"A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake."

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris, but Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.