bbBratz's blog: "just venting......"

I dont think anything can surpass lat years game. We had been in the hosp with cj from jan.4th thru feb 2nd. All he wanted was to come home and see the superbowl, his team the Colts had finally made it to the big game. Well on this day last year he got his wish and they let us bring him home, with the promise we had to be back up to the hosp everyday the next week for radiation treatments. As it should be the Colts won and gave him the best present ever, he was sooo happy even just for that moment. Honey, when i watch the game this weekend nothing will mean more to me then you getting that wish last year.I might be watching on our big-screen tv, but you have the best seat in the house...... love u, mama dukes xxoo

it was last year at this time we had gotten the news about your devastating cancer. I know God wanted to spare us and you years of agony, he needed you more and I have to accept that. I want to say a special prayer for all the families up at CHOP right now, getting news like we got last year. Are they prepared? do they have the support, family, friends we had??? i am thinking of them right now, and i know you are looking down on us, on nick and you are in such a wonderful place. Please know when i cry my tears are just an expression of the loss. the best thing i ever did in my life was you, i hated to let you go, but i know what good hands you are in. --mom

its so hard to deal with the loss of my son, you can believe in heaven, god, better things and none of it takes away the hole in your heart. i smoke my brains out to numb the pain, i want to hold him again, see him again. will i ever feel that kind of love again??? does he know i miss him sooo??? if u have ever lost a child please tell me how u deal, please tell me!! this place is such a good outlet, its a start, its all i can do right now, one minute at a time.

i looked in the fubar bible to see what a blog is, i hope its kind of like a diary....... i just needed to vent today, when i write i feel better.i dont want to share all my personal info on my personal page so its cool if i have a place to come and yell and scream. its been about 6 weeks since my 18 yr old son died of cancer, very rare, brain/lung. it all happened so suddenly, he went to hosp last jan 4th and the rest has been a fog to me. i just needed to say to anyone who has loved ones love them, tell them how u feel. u never know what is in store day to day. my heart is so hurt i need to repair it and focus on the memories, some things take time. im hoping for a better day today then yesterday........