BETTYBOOP's blog: "JUST STUFF"

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. 2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself. 3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People. 4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon? 5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut. 6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point. 7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better. 8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. 9. Thank You For Pot Smoking. 10. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing. 11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. 12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings". 13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. 14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. 15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger. 16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass. 17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me 18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home 19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha 20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me 21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time 22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult 23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? 24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name 25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway 26. Illiterate? Write For Help 27. Honk If Anything Falls Off 28. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes 29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit 30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person 31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool! 32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

13. The check is in the mail. 12. You get this one, I'll pay next time. 11. You look great. 10. Of course I love you. 9. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing. 8. ...but we can still be good friends. 7. She means nothing to me. 6. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty." 5. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone. 4. I'll call you later. 3. I've never done anything like this before. 2. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you. 1. I DO.

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk". 9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 8. The cat is on Valium. 7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth. 6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated. 5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family. 4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners. 3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials. 2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash. 1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

1970: Long Hair 2007: Longing for hair 1970: The perfect high. 2007: The perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Keg. 2007: EKG. 1970: Acid Rock. 2007: Acid Reflux. 1970: Moving to California because it's cool. 2007: Moving to California because it's warm. 1970: Growing pot. 2007: Growing pot belly. 1970: Douglas Street bridge. 2007: Dental bridge. 1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 1970: Seeds and stems. 2007: Roughage. 1970: Popping pills, smoking joints. 2007: Popping joints. 1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel. 2007: Our president's struggle with fidelity. 1970: Paar. 2007: AARP. 1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine. 2007: Being caught with Hustler magazine. 1970: Killer weed. 2007: Weed killer. 1970: Hoping for a BMW. 2007: Hoping for a BM. 1970: The Grateful Dead. 2007: Dr. Kevorkian. 1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint. 2007: Getting a new hip joint. 1970: Rolling Stones. 2007: Kidney stones. 1970: Being called into the principal's office. 2007: Calling the principal's office. 1970: Screw the system! 2007: Upgrade the system. 1970: Peace sign. 2007: Mercedes logo. 1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut. 2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved. 1970: Take acid. 2007: Take antacid. 1970: Passing the driver's test. 2007: Passing the vision test. 1970: "Whatever" 2007: "Depends"

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m. 9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses). 10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it. 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 15. You sing along with the elevator music. 16. Your eyes won't get much worse. 17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. 19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. 21. You can't remember who sent you this.