Kapprcorn420's blog: "Just some thoughts"

Wasted timE Drifting thoughtS Awakening hope springs newfound meaninG Priceless artwork painted by the years of pain and heartache, souled for just one more chancE Perhaps there does lie meaning behind our liveS Even if it is just to lonG The longing is what drives us, every single day, behind the scenes, it pulls our stringS No matter what person, no matter what life, in any situation it is the longing which drives uS

Systematic failure, endless nightmares, We walk through broken dreams, broken lives, broken vows. So sour, to think, we almost had it. Destiny arises, amongst every corpse. picking its way thru the fields of lonliness.

Folgers coffee is the best ice cream trickles down her breast I lay and squirm just like a worm my morning thought make shrinks concerned. To bite a child is wrong To bite a child is wrong To bite a child is wrong sing-a-long, bang a gong, pass the bong... tweet....tweet... ... ..*twitch** I find more often, now, I wake to the mind devouring sounds of my teeth grinding together. My cock staring up at me.. "Hey buddy, lend me a hand" good morning, self fuck off eat a dick I hope you croak.

Sometimes I feel that I can actually understand people who get severely depressed. That makes me depressed. Sometimes there are so many roads to choose from, you never know which road you're supposed to be on or if you should just cut through the woods in some area. I was taught as a child that if I were ever lost in the woods, I should just stay in one spot and cry out. In my adult life with all of these crossroads, and every one has a tollbooth or two, I just want to sit in one spot and cry.

"Oooh! Oooh! I know!! I know!!" exclaims the child. How simple and free everything was as a child. And like the child, a fool is he who has the answer. It is my belief that the answer can only be described with the unexplainable twitches and tears and feelings (Oh My!!). The feeling of floating across an abyss as her soft, beautiful lips tickle mine when we lean in to kiss. Throughout different stages in my life I would have told you what "love" was....although I was only playing the fool myself. Most of what I believed then to be love, in my stage now I would tell you that what I thought then was merely a miniscule piece of the puzzle. The feelings that I access now are much more amplified than I ever could've imagined. Feeling can make one ask, perhaps I have a soulmate? Does that make me a fool? Am I still but a fool who believes he knows the answer? I think the only answer that I have is this ~~ I dont know what "love" is, but I am quite positive that I have fallen deep into it.

One little monkey swinging in the tree, he fell on my head and said " I'm going to call the cops!" and then I got hit by a car and I couldn't talk. I sounded like a monster, and then an apple fell on my head and squashed it off and one day the monkey came back bye and said "where's your head?! Where's your head?!" and he fixed it. Did you know that Daddy?

As I wandered so far down the trail, deeper and deeper into the woods, the moonlight that earlier so brilliantly illuminated my path was now almost completely blocked out by the monstrous trees which surround me. They seem to pulsate in the night, giving off this strange vibrating sensation. In a sudden flash, a pale-green, what appeared to be a boulder, came crashing through the trees, thrashing them aside like duckpins on a professional bowlers best shot. It all happened so fast that, at what seemed to be(and in my opinion should have been) the dreaded moment of impact, the ground felt as if it gave way and I was being pulled through this gelatinous based substance. When it finally stopped pulling me in I was surrounded by this immensly beautiful, as far as the eye could see, illuminated lime-green gelatin. I was drowning... ... and for a split second, a second which seemed to last a lifetime, I didnt care. I didnt care. Not because I wanted to die, no, but because I felt unexplainably uphoric. I wanted to stay in that jelly forever. When the thought finally occured to me that I would be dead if I did, I did everything I could do to try and swim to the top, or wherever anywhere else may be.......Now...some of you may have some mislead fantasy about jumping into a pool of jello or some shit like that, butlet me tell you, that shit dont work out. The harder I tried to swim, the slime that surrounded me broke apart--it felt as if it wouldnt hold firm enough to give me any momentum to propel myself anywhere. It felt completely unnatural. Not that anything that happened this night felt natural. Suddenly, with a great big splash, I dropped onto the pier, where the old fisherman had given me the pack of cigarettes to give to my dad. At that time I really wanted to just skip away and bring my dad his cigarettes. As much as this may seem confusing perhaps this may help to clear things up a bit--or confuse you more..... Me, myself have never bee given a pack of cigarettes to give to my dad, at anytime in my life. I certainly never met an old fisherman named Welch, but I hope you can understand that when I first arrived there through the jelly and onto the pier, I didnt remember the whole jely thing, or the trees. At that time I was given a pack of cigarettes from an old fisherman named Welch, who stank like rotted fish so bad that it permanently drove away my appetite for seafood--to this day I cant go to red lobster. Anyway, as I proceeded to skip away I could hear these low, grumbling, growling sounds behind me. When I peered back, Welch's head was repeatedly jerking to his shoulder and al the while he was moving at unhumanly fast speed after me, twitching and growling. I was so scared. I could feel the warmth of my urine as it soaked thru my jeans. I had no idea what to do, so I jumped...off the pier, and into the air... I felt pieces of my flesh being torn apart, like millions of pirahna feasting on a cow. My vision became sparkles and I passed out. What came next was a real trip. When the waiter finally arrived, I looked up into his face and at that moment--everything, everyone everywhere, just stopped--became completely motionless. Time had frozen. Julie sat there with that silly little shy girl face that she usually puts on whenever we start talking about us having a baby. I was absolutely dumbfounded by the whole situation that I didnt even think about what I was doing as I sliced thru the young waiter, Marcus's flesh with a steak knife--the kind with the rounded tip. I piled the flesh in strips on his tray and went from person to person, placing flesh in the mouths of the customers and moving couples from partner to partner, mismatching pairs of people. I walked back to my chair....sat down......I let the silence go for a bit.. "Waiter!" I shouted, and in that second, everyone started screaming and vomiting and slipping in blood. Julie was freaking out so bad, she clutched her chest, I swear she must have ripped half of her breast off as she dropped to the floor. Lifeless. Needless to say, the food was cold, the service sucked and I have been in way better atmospheres than that. Like this one time I was rolling a joint in my uncles van and he kept hitting his brakes and laughing at me because I couldn't keep the weed still. I said"one of these times you're gonna make me lose it all" and just as I said that the van jerked again and the weed went flying--"Just like that!" I yelled. I then looked up to see that we had actually hit another vehicle. Thats a whole different story all together though. That was the night he said he was going to kill himself and crashed into a tree and could have died---almost did actually.... ...but anyways, as I left the restaurant, I stepped out into a field of snow. At that momet I had complete recollection of everything that had happened that night. The tree's, the jello, the old man, the pain..and the feeling I had as I sliced through marcus's flesh. The giddyness I felt as I placed the lolling pieces of flesh into the mouths of others. I even remember pushing a piece just a little farther down the throat of a little girl. I lost it. I layed down(fell I should say), face first into the snow, crying insanely, beating my head with my fists until my screams were completely overpowered by the ringing in my head... I reached up and turned off the alarm clock. I realized then that I was never really fully asleep all night. I was sitting on the bed, eyes wide, jaw hanging... ....But I wasn't there.

Once upon the shadow of the foreskin of life, deep within the garden in the womb of wisdom, there stands a young man, confused..poking..licking and smelling....searching for suitable soil for the sowing of his seeds. What life is such when love be so elusive? Confusion. Check! Not mate. Hi there--want a taste? Just let it melt on your toungue...dont spit it out! Dont spit! For it's all you get. Now..off you go with love's sweets lingering still on the edge of your tongue. I told you not to eat from the tree. I love, ...oh yes, more than I could have imagined. So beautiful. So frightening. I love still I love

blah blah blah Current mood: bored I once knew this guy, we kinda grew up together. His whole life, starting with his first girlfriend, he has been looking for "true" love. Never did he fall into a "players"category, never hunting women as prey, as notches in a bedpost, but always with the purpose of bonding and binding. Understandably enough, as a teen, that proves to be a difficult task. Women are not looking for that kind of thing anymore. He has always been one of the "good" men, the one TV women say they can't find. Once he found this girl, she was a pretty girl, but wreckless none-the-less but he too, at this time was going through a wreckless stage of existence so therefore it seemed to fit. It seemed that happiness had found him finally. She treated him like he longed for.....till Cptn. Morgan stepped in and started taking over her. See..turns out this girl was bi-polar, bi-sexual and a nympho. She had managed to subside all these things on her own long enough to get pregnant and trap my friend. At this point he felt maybe she will be normal again, maybe she wont hit him, or even herself any more. Besides, what good comes from a child growing up without his daddy and mommy together? Well, things got way out of hand, I mean way out. DCF had to take his son away from her after they split up. Oh.....yeah..we'll have to stop that here because there is a "meanwhile, back at the batcave" type of deal here. See, he eventually found out she was cheating and that gave him all the reason he needed to leave, but b4 that he had met this girl. She was the most beautiful women he had ever seen, gorgeous red hair, he always liked red heads best. Nothing ever really happened between them, they just met and talked a few times, she worked at Dunkin Donuts which was and still is, his favorite place. They had alot of the same interests but there was something else, a feeling he had never felt before, a look in her eyes that he had never seen before. He told me once, whenever he would look into her eyes and their glances had met, it felt as if the back of his brain was being rained down upon with icy water and all of his senses hightened. He told me he knew he wanted to be with her from the first time he saw her, it was like magic. Well...they eventually got together, and much to my surprize, it seemed like magic. To see those two together was a beautiful sight. The way they walked together, the way they both gave off this glow, as if combining the two together created a chemical reaction. I was happy for him, he deserved it. I'd have to say about a year went by of them being together before we get back to DCF. So DCF had to take the boy from his mother, my friend and his girlfriend had decided that it would be best for them to try for custody so that the child would grow up in a "normal"household, she had no intentions of going anywhere and figured the child could grow up in a loving household with his real dad. So they did it. He fought for custody and won. By this time I believe the child was about 3, and was already kinda screwed up in the head from living with that psycho bitch he was still married to. It was hard on the new "family", the boy was always getting into trouble at day care, acting out really bad. They understood that it wasn't his fault and worked with him as best as possible--therapists for the child, parenting classes for them, they did everything possible to be good parents. Eventually they got him on a decent schedule of medicines and seemed to somewhat level him out, I said eventually, say like 4 years maybe more went by, My friends girlfriend was having her own issues with her new son, letting them fester inside her. They got married regardless, I've never seen him so happy. But alas...things changed. His wife took a job travelling, which he dealt with because it was promised to only be a short time. But the jobs kept coming and times between weekend visits lengthened. He used to tell me that even after 2 weeks of them not seeing each other, when she got home she wouldn't even act as if she cared--she would walk past him to her dog and pick her up first. He didn't feel the love anymore, he told her what he was feeling but she really had nothing to say. Finally about 3 months before their 1st anneversary of marriage, the truth came out. He said she told him that she didn't think this is what she wanted, that she hated it when his son would tell her he loved her, and she felt as if she were lying to him when she said it back. My friend had a BIG decision to make. Now I know most of you are saying...well it's not that tough of a decision, you gotta take care of the kid....But see, with him it WAS tough. He told me he was feeling the sickness of being around his own kid too. It was tough and he understood his wife. He also loved her more than he ever thought he could and didn't want to lose her. He did what he felt in his heart was right. He broke it off with his wife about 1 month before the anneversary, and took care of his son. I still talk to him every now and then, he's not doing too good. His outlook on life and love have changed dramatically, he's having a real hard time keeping the house running and keeping his head together. He knows if he ever needs me I'm there for him, he deserves a friend.

Silence. Silence is what creates your insanity as you lie, stagnant, with your cold dead skin pressed against the satin walls of your now eternal home. On earth you are but a mere memory of a miraculous creation to those who knew and loved you.....they now miss your presence. In Earth, you live without breath. Death has ended your life. A burial returns you deep within the heart of our true mother.