Lovely Won 2nd Alarm Hottie's blog: "just one of the many things that pisses me off..."

i cant help but fall back into the things i used to love. mainly meaning his arms. yes. yet another blog about love and relationships. how bad do those suck. i cant seem to walk away from this one. for the first time in my life i wasnt in control of my heart and i was loving the feeling but then we hit some rough spots and yeah....he cheated and we made up and then i kinda returned the favor. now i thought that being able to do that was a clean and clear sign that i could live and love someone else. unfortunately, the longer time goes, the less i can feel that. i finally got to see him today just to talk about it all. it was rough. i kept thinking that by the time i was looking at him i would know why i felt so compelled to talk to him and see him again but i was still blank. but when he hugged me, it all stopped mattering. i sat for an hour and held onto him as tightly as i could. in that hour i had alone with him, i was happier than ive been in months since we split. my only fear is that we're both just going to get hurt again. it almost killed me and he was pretty much crushed too. but again, i cant shake the feeling that something less than perfect is going to happen. i know its probably just me being a pessimist and always afraid of a good thing, but i really just want it to be the way we were again. he was the only one to make me feel like that silly little school girl in love feeling. he was my prince charming. but time and distance seemed to just keep tearing us apart. when we were together there was none better. but when we started falling apart nothing went down with more flames. god help, i know its stupid. but i love this silly kid. and im pretty miserable without him. but idk if he can really forgive me and make this work again. ugh...relationships frustrate me beyond all knowing.

guys in general are pissing me off.....im trying to get a grasp on it cause i realize im just not having an amazing day....but the one that supposed to be my best friend is being a prick...sorry to bitch this here but i know saying it to them will only make this issue worse and i know im not really pissed at them im just pissed off at the whole fucking world today. sorry.

why is it that some guys feel the need to be dicks? seriously. they are, for the most part only after a few things. they want you to be their mommy and take care of them and all sort of nonsense (which by my definition is not a healthy relationship) or they just want to get to know you so they can get the sexual gratification. this can come in many ways, some of the most common being getting attention from someone they consider young and/or attractive or actually attempting to get laid. this pisses me off. now dont get me wrong, im aware of women doinng the same thing. however, they dont do it to me and since this is my blog im going to bitch about what pisses me off...not you. sorry. anyway...for once i wish i could meet someone who really was interested in more than the physical. especially in the beginning. as a hint to all the guys who may stumble across this and actually waste precious masterbation time reading it then dont take this an offer to hit on or make passes at me and take a minute to think that perhaps im not the only chick out there who feels this way. but i feel a little less bitchy now so whatever.