Iris 13's blog: "Iris"

First of all I want to apologize if this blog is gonna be too long or too boring at some point. I guess I just need to have a “talk” with this “paper” and then share my thoughts with you…my friends.

Some of you are new, some are old…some of you are not even yet but you will be sooner or later.

Is funny how words run through my mind but when I sit to write them down they all vanish like darkness at the break of the day.

I always loved to dream … I suppose everyone does at some point, more or less. Lets say I dream more than more.

I believed since I was a child in a forever lasting perfect love… and more than anything I believed I will find it.

I believed in the purity people hold in their hearts and I believed that the truth is the best way to live my life…

Years pass and looking back and knowing what I have become I realized that I kept strong my believes and more than anything I followed them.

The purity in people’s hearts….i know is somewhere there. Some show is and some have it well hidden. Unfortunately some don’t have it all.

I don’t want to give names or facts I just want to tell you all that I have been there…I have been  lied and used more than anyone can imagine because my weakness has always been my believe in love.

I never understood why would someone waste time and energy building up lies that will eventually fall like sand castles, I never understood the point of pretending some feelings that were or not there. I never understood why people hurt each other…

I never understood how can someone stand the fact that somebody cries because of them, that somebody is giving their heart as the most precious gift and then is stepped on.

Ive given my heart willingly though I saw lies and evilness behind those eyes. I believed I could save the world but poor me…I didn’t know that world didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t know that I was just “another” when he was my everything.

I almost lost myself in the process but I managed to find myself…just like the Phoenix and I hit the bottom before flying again free.

What have I learned …. That nothing lasts forever… even cold November Rain. But that is only for those that cant feel Forever. Starting this year I decided to love November Rains, to learn their meaning, their dance, their stories and to listen to them better.

I learned that once you give your heart you take a risk but I also learned that sometimes it is worth it.

I learned that a love can last Forever if you keep it Forever in your heart.

I learned that an ugly truth from the beginning is better than a horrible nightmare in the end.

I learned that the one you love can ask you to change but they will never be pleased with the result no matter what you do.

I learned that when you love from all your heart you take the risks of being called crazy.

I learned that when you want respect you take the risk of being called jealous and having  paranoia.

I learned that what doesn’t kill you...for sure it makes you stronger.

I learned that loving is the only thing that can save us.

I learned that saying “I love you” can either save you or sentence you.

I learned that saying “sorry” when is not your fault is just gonna delay the ending.

When the sacred things you have are dragged into mud and used or even worse…given to others …. Then you learn to love yourself more and realize how priceless and pure your heart is…

Who am I ??? Some say I am amazing, some say I am an angel, some say I am crazy, some say I am spoiled or a crybaby. Some say I have high expectations, some say I am possessive with the ones I love, some say I am jealous when I don’t get enough attention from the ones I love, some say I am sweet and funny and carrying and kind, polite classy and filled with hopes. Some say I dream big and think good of everyone, some say I am a great friend or a great sister, a passionate girl ….

I say…I am all of that more or less from each. I say I had to lose myself to find ME again.

I never hurt someone just for the sake of hurting people…if I did it was to protect myself. But one cant never protect themselves fully unless they plan living their whole life locked in a tower.

I never pretend I am something else than I am, I never gave my word unless I kept it and I never said something that I didn’t mean it.

And I am not gonna start now.

I loved and I lost….but I didn’t fail. It wasn’t me …. I didn’t lie and I didn’t pretend to be something else than I am

If there is something that I am sure about the future is that I know somewhere out there …there is someone that will not lie and that his love is going to be as big as the Universe and endless as it. Someone that will mean what he says and says what he means.

I have nothing to reproach to myself … maybe just the fact  that I couldn’t save but that is not for me to do it.  I never leave anyone…I am always the one left..

I wish for YOU the ones that will read this to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE  .. pure and simple as the Rainbows.

Is all that is left in the end….. to make love out of nothing at all… to make hopes when the despair comes in, to make Light when Darkness falls, to give a smile when  a tear appears in the eyes.

There is always Hope, no matter how sad the things may appear. After tears, there will always appear a smile.

So Hope, and Smile and Laugh and more than anything….. LOVE from all your hearts. Is the only thing that no one will be able to control….not even us!!!

And never hurt someone that gives their everything to you…. Because there is something up there and when at least you expect it…is gonna hit.

To be continued….