38953's blog: "JUST FOR FUN"

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper: A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect.. ..12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage." So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees, somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital. While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk. "It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift." . "So, how'd you break your arm?" he he he, Mike :) .. ************************ Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. ~Maryilyn vos Savant~ **************

IMMIGRATION BY THE NUMBERS .. WOW I DID NOT KNOW THIS !! ... I THINK THESE ARE GREAT POINTS ... UNLESS WE WANT TO BECOME ... AS POOR AS THE THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES ... IF WE DO ... WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HELP ANYBODY ... INCLUDING OURSELVES

Tampa flight -- too funny A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay". He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Tampa?" "Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night." Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a shit first."

Number One Idiot of 2006 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Two Idiot of 2006 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Three Idiot of 2006 A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Four Idiot of 2006 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy....... but you still get a sign *************************************************** Number Five Idiot of 2006 A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a sign. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot Number Six of 2006 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve a sign ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot Number Seven of 2006 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, Here's your sign (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote) ********************************************** IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new nei

Tequila! A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle pops out a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish...anything you want." The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila." Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like tequila. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like tequila. So he takes a taste and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted. The Mexican yells to his wife,"Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is tequila. Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best tequila she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two glasses. The result is the same. The Tequila is excellent and the couple drinks until the sun comes up. Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells his wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?" Pancho raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, Mi Amor, you drink from the" .. "bottle." Arriba!!!!

The Hair Dryer A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!

Claude the Hypnotist It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces. "OH SHIT" said the Hypnotist............ ..............It took three days to clean up the Senior Center

Claude the Hypnotist It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces. "OH SHIT" said the Hypnotist............ ..............It took three days to clean up the Senior Center

JUST FOR FUN LETS SHUT EM DOWN This Wisconsin company needs to hear from all of us who support our Troops whether they believe in the War or not. No company who enjoys the benefits our Nation should respond in this rude manner. Thank you for your Support. Kathy SNOPES VERIFICATION: http://www.care2.com/c2c/share/detail/276506 http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/apo.asp FROM SOLDIER TO COMPANY: To Whom it may concern: Do you ship to APO addresses? I'm in the 1st Cavalry Division stationed in Iraq and we are trying to order some mats but we are looking for who ships to APO first. SGT Hess FROM COMPANY TO SOLDIER From: contact@discount-mats.com Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2007 9:44 PM Subject: Re: Feedback: from discount-mats.com SGT Hess, We do not ship to APO addresses, and even if we did, we would NEVER ship to Iraq. If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq. Bargain Suppliers Discount-Matscom Please send a letter of DISAPPROVAL to this company ... and forward this on to others. WE DEMAND AN APOLOGY to our service members. Email the company contact@discount-mats.com To reach them by phone, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. central time: 414-736-8394 Mailing address: Bargain Suppliers 3259 S.106th Street West Allis, WI 5322 FROM THEIR WEBSITE: So Why Should You Choose Us? Outstanding Service - As a customer, you're part of our family. You can expect friendly, courteous, responsive service before and after the sale. ====== WEBSITE INFO: Registrant: Faisal Khetani PO Box 270693 Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53227 United States Thanks for your support!!!