38953's blog: "CHEATING STORIES"

THE CRUISE DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY THREE I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR Went to the ship's casino . did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled. __________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX I saved 1600 lives today... Twice.

TWO WOMEN IN HEAVEN Two Women Talking In Heaven 1st Woman: Hi! My name is Maggie. 2nd Woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st Woman: I froze to death. 2nd Woman: How horrible! 1st Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd Woman: I died of a massive heart attack I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead I found Him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st Woman: So what happened? 2nd Woman: I was so sure there was another woman somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and then down into the basement. I went through each closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive.......

The Pharmacist A nice, calm & respectable woman went into a pharmacy, looked the pharmacist straight into his eyes & said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The woman replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big & he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'd lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen! No! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The woman reached into her purse & pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture & replied, "Well, now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation ... She is speaking in a cheery voice "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye." She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, "Who was that? Oh, she replies, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having with you on his fishing trip

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed! "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos." "Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to you watch and say "Times up?"

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, Rrriiiinnnngg, "Hello?" "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right now." *** Brief Pause *** "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay, Daddy, Just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy." "And what happened, honey?" He asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** ***Even Longer Pause* ** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? "Is this 486-5731?" "No, I think you have the wrong number.......