xxGiGgLeSxx The Hopeless Romantic's blog: "??Just a Question??"

ok i dun know what to do anymore....no matter how hard i try..its never good enough....i put muh feelings out on the line way way to many times....i cant take it anymore.......i fell for this one guy...dun get me wrong he is a great person...but when it comes to relationship...no offence..but u suck....and yeah....but now i met this really really great guy...and im falling in love with him....but im scared....i rreally love him.....and i know that he has sum of the same feelings for me....but were soo far away....im afraid that things are gunna go wrong...n sumthin will ruin us....im scared....i dun wanna get hurt..but worst of all i dun wanna hurt him....hes the best thing in muh life....the only thing that seems to be going right.....but whats gunna happen if things dun work the way i want them too....ima fee like a jackass.....puttin muh feelings aside...i dun wanna hurt him....hes such a great guy....and he deserves the best....and i want to give him the best. but what if i cnat....what if i cnat make him happy...n things go bad....then what....one chance is all i got....and if i lost him too....life wouldnt be the same.....i say that alot....but every person that i have been with has effected muh life....the last one the most....hes such a great guy...really he is....we juss cant get things to work how the should...but now....im in love with the sweetest guy iv ever met....hes kind n thr when ever u need sumone............but im scared....so i just dun know what to do...........

Life is a prison, Oh God let me out. No one to listen, To hear when you shout. Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair. If you fall it don't matter, There's no one to care. Used to wish for a window, To see birds, trees and sky, But you're better without one - Stops you aiming too high. Watching freedom is painful, For those locked away. Seeing joy, love and happiness, Another price that you pay. Strong is good, weak is bad. Be it false, be it true. Your mind makes the choice, And enforces it too. Cell walls built by society, With rules to adhere. If you breach the acceptable, You had better beware. Hide the pain, carry on, Routine is the key. Don't let on that you're not, What you're pretending to be. Lock it all up inside you, How badly that bodes. Look out for that one day, When it all just explodes. Leaving naught but a shell, Base functionality too. But killing all else, That was uniquely you. So how do you grow, With a timebomb inside? Or how to defuse it, Without destroying its ride? You can't.

Just three little words don't seem like enough for someone whose smile still brightens my day, whose touch can make me forget the rest of the world. They don't seem like enough for someone who's always been there to celebrate with me when everything goes my way and to hold my hand when my whole world seems to fall apart. But even though "I Love You" can't express the depth of my feelings for you. I hope you know what's in my heart. Because loving you means more to me than anything in the world and it always will.

Why, Do I wait to be alone, In a place where love is cold, In a place where I can't see my soul, Why do I cry alone, Cry I already know how I feel, To show myself, Its a waste of tears, Because I can cry alone, I'm Stronger, Then the rage you see, More Fragile, Then the way I'll be, I'll Fall Faster, That'll be the Key I'll Fall, I'll Cry, Alone

SO IF MUH WEEK WASNT FUCKED UP ALREADY THINGS JUST GOT WORSE...THE OTHER DAY I GOT INTO IT WITH MUH FRIENDS....WERE STILL NOT TALKIN....WELL I DID TO SEAN A LIL HERE N THER...N I DID WORK THINGS OUT WITH JEREMY....ASH N CHELL STILL AINT TALKIN....OH WELL...IMA GIVE THEM THER TIME...CUZ NOW I NEED MINE.... TODAY MUH EX ANDY CAME ONLINE....AND EVEN THO WE LIVED TOGETHER N HAD THE WORST BREAK UP EVER AND WE HATED ONE ANOTHER...WE ARE ACTUALLY VERY CIVILIZED TO ONE ANOTHER....WELL ANYWAYS....HE CAME ON N I ASKED HIM HOW HE WAS DOIN...HE SAID HE WAS DOIN GREAT...THEN I ASKED HIM HOW CHAD WAS DOING....CHAD WAS OUR ROOMATE....WELL TYNICALLY HE WAS ANDYS....I JUST SLEPT THER EVERYDAY...I DINT PAY BILLS....ANYWAYS....CHAD WAS STRIKIN WITH CANCER....AND HAS BEEN STRUGGLING FOR THE PAST YR OF HIS LIFE....SO I ASKED ANDY HOW CHAD WAS DOIN....HE SAID..."YOU DINT READ MY MYSPACE"...I WAS LIKE NO IM NEVER ON MYSPACE...IM ALWAYS ON LOSTCHERRY....THEN HE JUST SIGNED OFF....I GOT SCARED IM SEARCHIN THRU HIS PAGE LOOKIN ALL OVER FOR SUMTHIN TO STICK OUT TO ME ABOUT CHADS CONDITION....AND I FOUND NUTHIN....AND EVEN THO THR WAS A SIGHT OF RELIVE...SUMTHIN TOLD ME TO CHECK THE BULLITAINS....AND I LOOKED THRU LIKE 30 BEFORE I GOT TO ANDYS..... THE BULLITAIN READ: From: Andy Dee Date: Nov 28 2006 8:32 PM The good Lord took our carpentar and handy man today. Chad Kozderka passed away in Nashville today. He was on vacataion with family and friends. More details are to follow for his funeral... Please feel free to call me... I WAS MORTIFIED....CHAD WAS A LIL OLDER THEN ME....HE WAS A GREAT PERSON....HE WAS ALWAYS HAPPY N ALWAYS THER WHENEVER ANYONE NEEDS ANYTHIN...AND NOW HES GONE....AND IM MAD AT ANDY...I CANT BELIVE THAT I HAD TO FINDOUT THAT OUR FRIEND DIES THRU A WEEK OLD BULLITAIN....WHY DIDNT ANYONE CALL ME....I MISSED THE WAKE N THE FUNERAL....I FEEL HORIABLE...NOW I SIT HERE N I CANT STOP CRYIN CHAD WAS A GREAT PERSON....HE HELPD MY GRAMA MOVE THE HEAVY DRESSERS N HER ROOM....HE TOOK MY LIL COUSINS OUTSIDE TO PLAY WHEN WE WERE TO BUSY TOO....HE SAT HOME AND WATCHED MOVIES WITH ME TILL ANDY WOULD GET HOME FROM WORK....HE EVEN DROVE ME TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY AND NEVER ASKED FOR NOT EVEN A DIME N GAS MONEY ONE NIGHT WE WERE ALL SITTIN AROUND MAKIN JOKES ABOUT SEX....AND ONE NIGHT STANDS....CHAD MADE A JOKE THAT ME N HIM SHOULD HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND....AND HE REMINDED ME OF IT EVERYDAY...AND EVERYTIME I TALKED TO HIM....EVEN UP UNTILL THE END CHAD HAD A SPEECH PROBLEM....AND PEOPLE MADE FUN OF HIM....THE KIDS IN OUR HIGHSCHOOL CLASS WERE MEAN TO HIM....AND I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY...HE MAY OF TALKED FUNNY AT TIMES....BUT CHAD WOULD BE THE BEST FRINED TO ANYONE....HE ALWAYS BROUGHT OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE.... SO WHY IS IT ALL THE GREAT PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD HAVE ALL THE PROBLEMS....AND WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE US LOOK AT THEM AS PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS....NONE OF THIS HIT ME UNTILL NOW....YOU KNOW WE LOOK AT PEOPLE N JUST SEE WHATS WRONG WITH THEM...MOST OF US DONT TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THEM....AND THEY THINK N FEEL JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD....AND ITS THESE GREAT PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS THER FOR US...THAT NEVER GET ANYTHIN IN RETURN....LIKE CHAD...CHAD NEVER HAD HIS FIRST ROMANCE...CHAD DINT GET TO DO MOST THE THINGS MOST TEENAGE BOYS DID CUZ ITS PEOPLE LIKE US WHO ARE FUCKTARDS I FEEL AS ITS MUH FALUT THAT CHAD NEVER WENT TO PROM....SEE ANDY WAS A YR B4 CHAD N I....N HE WOULDNT TAKE ME TO MUH SR PROM CUZ HE DIDT WANNA GO THRU THE PROM SHIT AGAIN...HE TOLD ME TO GO WITH CHAD....BUT I WOULDNT GO...I WAS STUBBORN....IF I COULDNT GO WITH MUH BF...I WASNT GOIN AT ALL....NOT ONLY DID I MISS OUT ON MY PROM...I MADE CHAD MISS HIS....AND I REGREAT IT....I BET I WOULD OF PROLLY HAD MORE FUN WITH CHAD THEN I WOULD OF HAD WITH ANYONE ELSE...AND I REGREAT NOT GOIN CHAD U ARE A GREAT PERSON...AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALLL MUH HEART....I WISH THAT YOU COULD BE HERE RIGHT NOW....YOUR TOOOOO YOUNGE TO BE WHER YOU ARE NOW....YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEBERD AND A PART OF MUH LIFE FOEVER....I COULD NEVER EVER FORGET A FRIEND LIKE YOU!!!!!

so i fucked up again guys.....i let my mouth go b4 muh brains.....so i was upset as usual....im never this whinney but latley idk what it is....me n sean got into it again....what else is new right....i was being over dramatic n mad things worse then what they were....n i talked to muh friend about it....n then she told him...i never wnated him to hink that i was leavin an area cuz of him....but the way it came out...thats what it looked like....so i went n bitched at her...maybe i should of....but imsorry i told u sumthin...ur wernt supposed to say anythin....and then the worst happend....muh best friend....the one that i trust with everythin....told me to deleat him off muh yahoo...and thats when the tears came,,,and i cant get them to stop....hes muh best friend n i lost him cuz ima cry baby bitch...who treat everyone like shit....i dun know why i have such great friends....cuz you know what i dun deserve em...not a one....ther all great ppl ..... n maybe i dun give them the credit that i should...especially jeremy...hes always been ther for me...hes always helped me when i needed it most...n i dint treat him right...n i dun deserve his friendship...i really dun know what else to say..i fucked up enought....i dun think things can get any worse

THIS IS IT.....I MEAN IT THIS FUCKIN TIME...IM THIS FUCKIN CLOSE TO ENDING IT ALLL (HOLDS UP A INCE OF SPACE BEWTEEN FINNGER) FUCK CHERRY TAP......FUCK YAHOO....AND FUCK ALL YOU LIL BITCHES OUT THER

I FUCKED UP TODAY....WELL THE LAST FEW DAYS....PEOPLE PISS ME OFF.....I DRINK....N THEN I SAY SHIT I DUN MEAN.....N NOW THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN DONT.....IM AN ASSHOLE