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Oh Trix commercials...
I never understood them. I mean, the rabbit has money to buy all of these disguises and time to set up all of these somewhat elaborate schemes to steal Trix from the local kids.. Why doesn’t he just use one of his disguises to go to the store and buy some cereal, where the worker wouldn’t give his disguise a second glance.
..
What if he didn’t care about actually having the cereal, what if he had a sick fetish that he could only get excited if he stole from children? I mean, Trix costs like 3 bucks a box and what did he spend on those disguises?
And actually, why the hell didn’t the kids just give him some?
I refuse to believe that if I were eating a bowl of Trix and a rabbit walked in on his back legs only and just flat out asked for my cereal, I’d wouldn’t just hand it over and call in sick to work.
Who turns down talking animals when their only request is breakfast cereal?!
Maybe he should have teamed up with Lucky the Leprechaun and just murdered the kids.. or held their parents hostage.. I can see it now, it’d be like Fargo, but with cereal mascots. I can almost see Lucky shoving a pair of long white cartoon legs into a wood chipper...
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after
graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant
standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so
Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a
large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he
could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant
gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a
rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually
the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot
that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with
his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were
standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off
the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was
the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing,
and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and
stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk
around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him
instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
This is for all of my friends who send me those heart-warming bullshit
stories.
