For a long time, I thought that perhaps I wasn't cut out for the field that I have chosen. I just always figured that I would do it until I failed. . .I'll take those upper-level biology classes, and if I fail, I'll know that I'm not meant to do this. But, I never failed. . .so I just stuck with it; I didn't have anything better to do.
Scientists are smart--scientists are those people that you hate in school--the know-it-alls, the ones who do all the reading, answer all the questions, etc. Not me. I was an english major, really--and not even one of those that did all their shit, just one of the ones that knew how to make their bullshit sound insightful.
But, the point of this post is that maybe I can do this after all. I found out that. . .apparently, most people in my field are pretty crazy, much more laid back that I thought, and have eccentricities almost equal to my own.
In biochemistry this morning, during the lecture on hormones, this quote was given from an interview with James Watson (of Watson and Crick, the guys who figured out the structure of DNA) on what his idea of happiness was:
"My idea is we're dominated by our emotions. And emotions, you know, have chemical circuits. And these influence our genes, and this is not surprising—you might need different sorts of people in a stable society. Some people get angry, some people don't. The gene for endorphin makes up part of a protein called POMC. So this protein is broken down by proteases. On the one end are endorphins, but on the other end is melanocortin and what used to be called MSH. Now MSH is made when you're in the sun. So when you make MSH, you're also making endorphins. So my theory is that that's why the sun makes you happy. But if you're not in the sun, you're unhappy. So my theory of happiness is that there are emotions that have a selective advantage; they make you do things that are good for you."
My professor read it aloud to the class, inserting such phrases as "you know", "man", and "dude". It was great--James Watson was a total nutjob--a genius, but a complete weirdo. He's right, technically. . .but, who talks like that? I do.
That, added to the fact that Kary Mullis invented the technique of PCR (polymerase chain reaction, used in DNA sequencing and such) while coming off of a trip from hallucinogenic mushrooms, makes me think that I might be okay with this field. If these guys (both Nobel prize winners) can think this shit up. . .I might have a chance, too.
And. . .an addendum:
I'm totally not comparing myself to these guys--I'm not going to figure out DNA or PCR. . .or, much of anything, probably.
The point is that science is not exclusive. You don't have to be especially smart, asian, or have tape on the bridge of your buddy holly's. Those people are probably just as unsure as I am; they probably stare at themselves in the mirror trying to figure out who they are, too. I realized that science is not an elite club--it allows slackers, losers, and people with absolutely no clue as to social niceties; so maybe it'll allow me, too.
