CHUL's blog: "IVE REACHED THE END"

Destiny where do I find you? Destiny where Can I look for you? Destiny where are you hiding? Why are you hiding from me? Destiny what do you have for me? Destiny what are my options? Destiny which door is open for me? Destiny which door should I go in to find out what you have for me? Destiny does my future looks bright or dark? Destiny do you have anything for me that I might want? Destiny can I get any satisfaction from you? Destiny are you my friend? Destiny can you feel my hearts desires?

True love is a sacred flame That burns eternally, And none can dim its special glow Or change its destiny. True love speaks in tender tones And hears with gentle ear, True love gives with open heart And true love conquers fear. True love makes no harsh demands It neither rules nor binds, And true love holds with gentle hands The hearts that it entwines.

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD GET TO THIS POINT.... WHERE I HAVE SO MUCH STUCK INSIDE OF ME THAT IM WILLING TO GIVE UP ON IT ALL..... LOVE ... LIFE . ITS JUST SO HARD FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS... I FIGURED THAT IF WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH HAS NOT KILLED ME THIS WONT HARM ME AT ALL ... BUT IT IS... IM LETTING MYSELF GO.... I TRY TO WALK WITH MY HEAD UP HIGH.... SMILE ON MY FACE... BUT AS SOON AS I GET HOME I SEARCH FOR DARKNESS WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE ME .. .NO ONE CAN HEAR ME .... WHERE IF I CRY NO ONE SEES THE TEARS IN MY EYES... AND IF I SCREAM NO ONE KNOWS WHY. IVE REACHED THE END OF MY ROPE AND I FEEL LIKE NO ONE IS AT THE OTHER END OF IT TO PULL ME UP...... I FEEL THIS KNOT IN MY THROAT... I TEND TO SUCK IT UP ... AND IGNORE THAT FEELING ... BUT TODAY ..I WANT TO LET GO.... I WAN TO SCREAM AND I WANT ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING. I WANT TO KNOW WHY ? BUT WHATS THE USE? I AM WRONG FOR QUESTIONING GOD.... AND I CANT COMPLAIN BECAUSE I CANT GET NO WHERE IF I DO. IVE REACHED THE END OF MY ROPE AND IM WILLING TO LET GO..... BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE NO SHOULDER TO LEAN ON ...... NO EAR TO LISTEN TO ME EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS..... AND WITHOUT THAT WHAT DO I HAVE? LIFE? IF WHAT I HAVE IS CALLED LIFE ... I DONT WANT IT...... BECAUSE LIFE WITHOUT LOVE IS NOTHING. I FEEL EMBARRASED.... BETRAYED.... CONFUSED.... DONT KNOW WHO TO BELIEVE ANYMORE... LIKE I SAID I DONT TAKE OUT WHAT ANOTHER PERSON DID TO ME ON ANYONE ... BUT HOW IS THIS WOUND IN MY HEART GOING TO HEAL IF IT KEEPS ON GETTING CUT