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What Women Want in a Man (by age)

What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially successful
  4. A caring listener
  5. Witty
  6. In good shape
  7. Dresses with style
  8. Appreciates finer things
  9. Full of thoughtful surprises
  10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

  1. Nice looking--prefer hair on his head
  2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
  4. Listens more than talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes
  6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
  9. Remembers anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

  1. Not too ugly--bald head OK
  2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
  3. Works steady--splurges on dinner at Denny's on occasion
  4. Nods head when I'm talking
  5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
  10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
  3. Doesn't borrow money too often
  4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
  5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

  1. Doesn't scare small children
  2. Remembers where bathroom is
  3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
  5. Remembers why he's laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods
  9. Remembers where he left his teeth
  10. Remembers that it is a weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

  1. Breathing

Seems About Right :)

Men vs Women: how they talk
Rejection Lines (and what they actually mean...)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Women
I think of you as a brother. 
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance")
There's a slight difference in our ages. 
(You are one Jurassic geezer.)
I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way 
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon)
My life is too complicate right now. 
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing)
I've got a boyfriend 
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's)
I don't date men where I work 
(Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)
It's not you, it's me 
(It's not me, it's you)
I'm concentrating on my career 
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
I'm celibate. 
(I've sworn off *only* the men like you.)
.....and the #1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means.
Let's be friends. 
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with; it's that 'male perspective' thing)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men
I think of you as a sister 
(You're ugly)
There's a slight difference in our ages 
(You're ugly)
I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way 
(You're ugly)
My life is too complicated right now. 
(You're ugly)
I've got a girlfriend 
(You're ugly)
I don't date women where I work 
(You're ugly)
It's not you, it's me 
(You're ugly)
I'm concentrating on my career 
(You're ugly)
I'm celibate 
(You're ugly)
.....and the #1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means) 
Let's be Friends 
(You're SINFULLY ugly!)

 

The last thing...

The last 10 things any woman would ever say


Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Hey, get a whiff of that one.
Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
This diamond is way too big.
I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
Wow, it really is 14 inches!
Does this make my butt look too small?
I'm wrong, you must be right again.

 


The last 10 things any man would ever say


I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her tits are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

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