tallhotlady1968's blog: "It's a New Year"

Think before you speak... Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, " How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter. She was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. >Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? >Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a >little sausage. > >Men are like.... > >1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you. >2. Men are like.Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. >3. Men are like .......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. >4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. >5. Men are like ......Chocolate Bars ..... Sweet, smooth, & they usually >head right for your hips. >6. Men are like ... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. >7. Men are like Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. >8. Men are like .....Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to >mature. >9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of >emotion. >10. Men are like .Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little >while. >11. Men are like Snowstorms ..... You never know when they're coming, how >many inches you'll get or how long it will last. >12. Men are like ......Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very >bright. >13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are >handicapped. > Guys this is just for a LAUGH! So don't take me serious! LOL >Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any >understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to >know !!!!!!!!!! > >

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, racing, or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too!! Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest. How many ladies think there man thinks this way?

A store that sells a wife has just opened in New York City, where a man may go to choose a wife. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the ladies increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch...you may choose any lady from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a man goes to the Wife Store to find a Wife. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: may go to choose a Wife. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the lady increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch...you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a man goes to the Wife Store to find a Wife. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These ladies have jobs and love Life. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These ladies have jobs, love Life, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These ladies have jobs, love Life, love kids, and are extremely sexy. "Wow," he thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. He goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These Ladies have jobs, love Life, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and sexy. They clean the house in a thong. "Oh, mercy me!" he exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, he goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These ladies have jobs, love Life, love kids, and are drop-dead gorgeous and sexy, cleans the house in a thong, and want sex at least 2 times a day. He is so tempted to stay, but he thinks he should have a wife that has more to offer…. so he goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 20,363,012 to this floor. There are no ladies on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that men are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Wife Store. What do you think my friends? I took this from a friend and changed it around about the men....haha Get a laugh out of it... "I DID"

Miss U SMS Every tear is a sign of brokeness, every silence is a sign of lonliness, every smile is a sign of kindness, every sms is a sign of remembrance. Lessons of life: Learn 2 care, learn 2 smile, learn 2 cry, learn 2 give, learn 2 forgive, learn 2 share, learn 2 trust, n learn 2 love & learn 2 say: you Miss me! My eyes are hurting becoz I can’t see u, my arms r empty becoz I can’t hold u, my lips are cold becoz I can’t kiss u & my heart is breaking coz I’m not with u. A simple Bye make us cry, A simple Joke make us laugh, simple Care make us fall in love. I hope my simple SMS make you think of me. I Miss U In my life I learned how 2 love, 2 smile, 2 B happy, 2 B strong, 2 work hard, 2 B honest, 2 B faithful, 2 forgive. But I couldn't learn how 2 forget U... The Word 'Hello' means H=How R U? E=Everything all right? L=Like 2 hear 4rm U. L=Love 2 C U soon. O=Obviously, I miss you! The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile, he wishes you a good morning, hoping that you have the perfect day. Take care & Miss U