NiNjAbitch500's blog: "is this hell?"

Asylum


I giggle as I lay,
The meds are taking effect.
But as your sitting with me,
I’m not far gone yet.

You wanna hear a story,
While your sitting in the corner?
About my good friend Dan,
And how he met the coroner?

Well I’m not sure how to start it,
I don’t know where to begin.
I hope your not religious,
This tale is full of sin.

You see I’d sit up straight,
But I’m strapped on to the bed.
They bound all of my limbs,
And even bound my head.

I guess that have a right to,
After what I’ve done.
But I’ll never say I’m sorry,
Just because I won.

You see Dan wasn’t smart,
He went after my life.
My lover and my master,
He stabbed him with a knife.

A dirty trick it was,
It wasn’t fair you see.
But as I sat there crying,
Something snapped in me.

Oh look at me rambling,
You look kinda scared.
Don’t worry I won’t hurt you,
But then again who cares?

I remember how blood sprays,
The first time that you slice.
And how it slows a little,
When you cut them twice.

The smell of burning skin,
As I held the match to his face.
Swirled in my nostrils,
Takes me from this place.

I skinned him inch by inch,
His consciousness was waning.
So a big shot of adrenalin,
As the blood kept draining.

I remember every moment,
Every crying plea.
I remember how he apologized,
For taking him from me.

I said I would shoot a school,
Or die under the sun.
But you know what new friend?
That was way more fun.

I carved a heart into his eye,
With my love’s and mine anicials.
As lovely as it sounds,
They find is superficial.

Though pain it lingered still,
And my heart felt hollow.
But I promised him I wouldn’t cut,
Or have pills to swollow.

So Dan was just unlucky,
That he chose him to take.
Taking my only love from me,
He knew was a mistake.

He kept me sane while he was here,
And when he left I snapped.
So as Dan lay there lifeless,
Him, in a tarp I wrapped.

I drove him to the Frasier,
And dumped him off the bridge.
But still I kept his heart,
Locked inside my fridge.

I cut it up in half,
To mach that of my own.
Cuz now that love had left me,
I was left alone.

Friend you can stop crying,
I won’t do that to you.
Depends on who you are though,
Or I might kill you to.

Oh look my hand is free,
They should have done it tighter.
That scared look in your eyes,
Tells me you’re not a fighter.

His favourite songs I listen to,
His clothes I love to wear.
And when I lay here crying,
I wish that he was there.

It wasn’t his fault though,
That his angel fell.
It was that rotting coward,
That I sent to hell.

I undid all the buckles,
And the meds were for the pain.
They’ll be back soon to take me,
To that man again.

He’ll ask me of my lover,
And he’ll make me cry and shout.
And no matter how much begging,
He’ll never let me out.

But while I’m waiting for them,
With you I’ll have some fun.
Friend why are you screaming?
There’s no where to run.

I’m not gunna hurt you,
You see I feel quite ill.
I can’t live with out him anymore,
So give me all your pills.

I’ve been saving up,
And now I have enough.
Cuz life without my master,
Has been kind of rough.

So friend when you get better,
And they let you free.
Think before you kill a man,
Or you’ll meet a girl like me.

normally id say its just one of those days, but today is a lot different ten jus one of those days.....i was wokin up by a panic attack this morning. my heart pounding so hard. my chest felt like it had been stab over an over again. then the puking started an then my vision got blurry an i swear i could hear a deep sounding laugh...the laughing stops but my vision hasnt returned the puking continues an i cant breathe...this must be hell everything looks so different so unfimlar like a place i have never been before.....this isnt my room this inst my home were am i some one help me is all i think....the more i puke the less i can breathe the less i can breathe the colder i get...why am i so cold my hair is soking with sweat......can any of this be real is it really happening to me. hours go by, or whut i think is hours but slow painful burnng hours....tho all the choas i can hear a slight nocking it sounds so far away. the nockin gets louder but then the laughin starts up again....but now the nockin is louder then the laughing....am i comming to? is this nightmear ending? It is, im still so cold...the nocking stops an i can hear a voice i love this voice....everything goes back to normal im not in hell i had crawled my way to the bathrrom....i can feel a warm embrace an a worried yet so loving voice...its a womans vocie an i can feel arms wrap around me an only then can i feel how much im shaking....its an angel..its my emma....i cant see her but i can tell its her by her voice an her smell....no she doesnt smell bad lol i jus knw her smell. shes got her arms around me an the coldness is slowly disappearing the puking has stopped to....i start to cry my body hurts so bad..my sight is starting to come back..she is my angel....she sits on the floor with me untill i can see again an helps me back to my bed...she lays there with me untill the shaking stops an asks me if im ok.....she holds me tight an kisses my forhead i tell her im ok then i fall back to sleep.....i wake up tho an shes not here anymore:( i know she will be back tho....shes my angel an she always will be