Ghost Who Walks DSG's blog: "ironic"

when i said roses are red and violets were blue, i should have know it wasn't good enough for you. For you, it's all about image and looks. superficialness and self- centerness is what is about you. Love is a empty emotion for you. i don't believe you have truly felt it..save 3. I guess showing you Love was a bad thing or these words would not be spoken. you were my all, an I was......??what was i to you???besides a friend?No drama you said.you hated it you said..but why did you do what you did when you did??I can not believe i allowed you to take away almost everything that made me me..i threw myself out there in a attempt to heal all the wounds that were not mine..i guess i threw myself out there to far, for i had a hard time finding my way back to me..what a skeletal wreck i was when i finally found me..so ashamed of myself for being what i had become..i was so destroyed that i started having thought i swore i would never have again..i was at the brink of self destruction..so close..do you have any idea what it is like to be a prisoner in your own body..to watch yourself wither away as you scream at your self to to stop it..but your body doesn't listen...to not be able to go an get what must be had for physical nourishment..to sit inside yourself an watch as the ones who love you go thru that death with you..all you want to do is hide away so you do not hurt the ones around you..but all they are trying to do is do what you have done for them on countless occasions.to be strength when none is found in yourself.i didn't see it for this at first..i tore away almost all the things of my individuality...i started to doubt my our self..my own thoughts and my own reason...then the night where you did what you did where you did it..something inside me finally snapped an screamed"ENOUGH"..i should thank you for that..cuz you helped me find a part i thought i had lost..a new flame an strength burned inside me..cuz now i am me..being almost ever bit of the one you said you fell in love with...no more emotions to cloud my logic..but i have had days where i have found you crawling around in my mind..an now,today especially of all days, for it is the day for love and lovers..befor we got together you knew i didn't like this day..now i think that i may have actually loathe this day... i feel that this day shall always,in some way, be shrouded in nightly colors..i feel i shall carry the scar of us with me always..left with the hungry for a loving embrace..the soft an tender caress of another.. i lay awake at night screaming inside of this nightmare to be over..to be held with eternal love....thanks..an..Happy Valentines Days.. Signed The Crow wrote Febuary 14th,2007 6:57pm

One Soul, looking everywhere for that true love but the eyes see only black as night, trying to find a speck of light...the heart go's from red to black...the wing's chain down to the center of the earth core the heart becomes to ash...using all the strength to open the eyes a breeze going through the ash of the heart... the breeze carry the ash into the wind's, the blood runs brown on the flesh...eye's open and consomme by fire...blood seeking though the concrete and forever screaming the name... eye lid's wide open...but no eyes to see anymore...but still screaming forever the name

I bet By the end of this everyone will remember every heartache an it just might open old wounds. for that i apologies. you may even look at relationships differently. every person deals with heartache differently.For some they become lethargic. Others do not care for they have justified it in their Mind. Others do not.they are the ones that feel it on a molecular level.They can feel it tear them apart down to their adams. In a way they have "died" inside a slow and horrific death. They can remember every thing from that day. Not only that but they can remember everything from the day they met that person down to the smallest detail like whom was wearing what an other minute details. Everyday i drive by a school ,which hold very sentimental value to me, an smile about days gone past. Events that helped shape me into the being i am now. One day, while driving by there, i had an epiphany. I finally understood how to gauge you will feel if , unfortunately, your relationship ends. The more intense the feeling is when you first meet. The more devastating the heartache will be. love is the most powerful of all the emotions. It can make a pure person question their own chastity. It can make a honest person a criminal.An can make a deep person become empty and unfeeling. some say exquisitely hollow, for they enjoy the void that is inside them. Others feel that void grow. As beautiful as Love can be. Is it worth the pain? Most would say yes. others no.For they are the ones that hide behind walls. Toughen their skin up. Appearing to be void of all emotion around society, yet when they are alone they show what they can. They show only little to most. They more closer someone is to them. the more they show. They also say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well most would agree.Some hide their eyes behind dark glasses, or they just do not look people in the eyes. only making it appear they are. for they do not believe that anyone can handle that much cold.they also do not want people getting lost in the void.some make a list in their head of people they will get with.An if they do not get with them then they shall never be with anyone again. But there always seem to be that one person,no matter how good your defenses are, that can walk thru them as if they did not exist. i know,by now, some have grinned or started to slowly shake your head in agreence . Now you do not feel so alone. An it is ok to hide. Well just think before you do. yes you will avoid the pain, but you will also miss out on life. What you do in your life is what you choose. but to help you out some. use these rules of thumb... 1: think at least 3 times before making your first move. 2: Think out every possible out come of each thing 3: if there are any negative Repercussions..is it worth it. 4: Fate. Everything happens for a reason. 5: an finally, sometimes waiting is ok. this all might not help anyone, But Love is not a bad thing for some.Others believe that no matter how beautiful moments can be they are just to evil when they are gone to even let people close.well which ever steps you choose know you are not alone. There are others out there that feel as you do. some just do not have the courage to say it or the ability to express it. I hope you happiness. I wish you luck in all your ventures through out your days. An i wish for you to,one day, to have that special someone who thinks it is worth saving you. Signed Forever The Crow Written:August 2, 2007 12:00pm

Have you held someone to make them feel better and/or had someone hold you to make you feel better an you only felt empty inside? You scream for comfort but because of certain things you choose to stay neutral. To continue to do what you have in the past.To guard. To Protect.The more you want things to change the more cold and distant you grow. Damned if you do , damned if you don't. So what do you do? You choose the one that others happiness comes first. You remember that the life of a guardian angel is a lonely one. You start doing things to help you keep that distant. Wearing sunglasses to cover your eyes. Stop looking people in the eyes for the eyes are the windows to the soul. You bottle things up more an more. You start pulling away from those who have been there for you in the past. You continue to be there for them, just now you do it from the shadows. appearing when needed an disappearing when finished. People talk about a thing called "Love". Tell me this.? When was the last time you truly felt it or was shown it? Hmmmmm? Stop and think about it. I guess you are now at a point in your life were you feel so dead inside that you do certain things to remind yourself that you are amongst the living. No matter how much pain you feel on the inside, you fight to keep your composure to show nothing on the outside just so you do not have to deal with certain things. Is it a good thing? Could it hinder future events? Will it push away crucial people away? With this knowledge do you continue to show nothing? Continue to be cold and distant? Well if others get happiness out of it, then the lost of potential life for you is a sacrifice that you know you will do. How many have you done thru your existence? How many more will you do? How much are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of others? How much have you ever received in turn? But does it really matter what you get in return? You give so much, an ask for so little. After being torn apart by your own demons,an with out taking time to heal your wounds, you are willing to take on the demons of others. Why do you do this? You do this to make other's lives better. an you live vicariously thru others. An every day you think is this the day karma will reward you.Has it really fully rewarded you? Prolly not. Normally it gives you a taste to remind you it is waiting to reward you in full all at once. So for now you continue on your path. Fate. Hmmmph. Such an interesting thing, huh? Signed, Forever The Crow Wrote May 28, 2007

MY DEAD LOVE MEANT EVERYTHING AND MUCH MORE I LOST ALL DIVINE HOPE TO SEE HER AT MY RESTING PLACE I VOW GRATITUDE TO THE CROW THAT GAVE ME LIFE ONCE MORE AND KNOW I WILL BRING DEATH TO THOSE WHO TOOK MY ONCE LOVE I LEAVE BEHIND A ROSE FOR........ THE CROW

Here i am again, walking around the abyss....alone. No sense of direction. No care for self being. Feeling nothing but the emptiness inside this.... Shell? I hear the distant scream of my former self. I know what he screams for. He screams for someone or something to free him and all the emotions from the cold dark oubliette they reside in an have since the "death" of them.Love,or the tender touch from someone is what he craves.But who? I look around with no prevail at finding that....one person to complete him.to help with the healing process. For this person must be very special. because they then will be lead to the most obscure spot. The inner sanctum..a place so obscure that no one has been since the keeper was taken.. This place is the very core of his being..Here is what makes him tick.Where all secrets are kept...along with his dreams.so until this person is found I shall be..pain,sorrow sadness & despair shall power me The metamorphoses is almost complete.I can hear him scream for someone or something to stop it.....YET?...I can hear in the scream an almost longing for it not to be stopped. No more pain or sorrow or sadness or despair for him to feel FOR YOU NEED TO BE,TO BE HURT.. Signed Forever The Crow P.S. Darold) Rest in peace my friend. For you fought all your battles bravely..I commend you..FATE.What wonderful and painful things it brings...so until the day your resurrection....LATER wrote: JUNE, 24th, 2003 6:57 am

Have you ever found yourself at a point were you feel you have "died" yet you are still walking amongst the living? Did you ever stop an sit down just to watch people? you then wish that that could be you even for a moment. Then you cast your eyes downward towards your hands an remember....you can't feel..An the only way you "feel" emotions is like the way an amputee feels that which has been lost.A phantom sensation.You can almost feel it yet you know that it is gone.If you would give up all worldly possessions just to be hold and/or to be held like that in return.If this has come from an unanesthetically ripping away of a loved one.Or some traumatic event.Or you just "feel" a connection to this then something deep inside of you has awakened an became part of your very essence..But with this deadening of you, you now know if someone near is in need of help..an you get a insight of events that have not happened..There is a name for this "being"..Sadly you have became a CROW.You see, there is more like us..We are few an far between..the reason for this? As you now know, it takes alot to create one of us...So to you i give my condolences.... Welcome to the murder...... To bad you could make it..... Signed forever The Crow Wrote: July 9th, 2003 7:00pm

When life beats you down over and over again, when do you finally stop getting up? Or do you just think that the next time you get up it will be for longer.It is amazing at what someone can live thru.Mentally, Physically and spiritually. I wonder how many changes a person goes thru befor they die. Is it the same amount for everyone or is it not. I mean everyone is different, but it is not unusually to meet someone similar to your self? The psyche is fascinating.How it can differ from one to another,but match others in one way or another.I wonder if fate has a roll in it. it must, for it has a hand in everything else. I sometimes sit an wonder how much i myself can take befor i reach my breaking point.Why is it that the good people must suffer but they say nothing...yet people who get all the breaks are the ones whom are the ones that complain all the time...Nice people are also the ones with the most "walls"..every day,from behind their walls, they scream for release.yet they also fear the outside world...i find it entertaining all the lies and mask people have for this world.tho some should not talk for even they have to put on a different visage around certain people so they do not know that they are hiding anything...some should just stay enigmatic.some lose that...but ,after time,they will gain it back..For being a mystery is a double edge sword.. wrote:March 28th, 2004

when we were children we were afraid of the dark and what was in it.may it have been the shadow we saw move just outside of our peripherals or the unexplained footsteps in our room..the worst was the ethereal voices whispering to us..fear makes us want to run to the safety of our parents room,but curiosity makes us stay to listen to what they may have to say.the voices come to our ears as if they were carried by the wind.we try to so hard to hear what they have to say, but fear finally takes over an we run.as we grow those events lessen.maybe cuz we get older...maybe cuz we stop believing.i have ponder the reason why every now an again with no prevail.it has always eluded me till now.it may not be the true reason,however it is a sound theory.since it happens at night could it just be us traveling back to warn ourself of some future tragic event that we want to change or avoid all together.the pain must be so unbearable that the controller of dreams allows us to move thru time,in our own conscious,so we may alter it..but as children we are just to scared to listen...what end can pain drive us to... The Crow wrote:July 20,2006 6:28pm