No Lies Just Love's blog: "in my mind"

Isnt it funny how we always persue the ones we cant have. And yet we know we cant have them but we still hold hoping maybe someday we can be with them.And most of the time the ones we are waiting for dont even really know we is it that I always fall for the one that i cant possibly ever be with. i want to just stop myself from ever falling in love again, then i would save myself from the hurt and pain that always comes with fallin in love. cuz I dont think I will ever find a man that will ever see me for who i am, and love me for that same reason. maybe I am just destined for loneliness. they say that we are all put on this earth for a reason, and I wonder what possible reason i could have for being here.

There is so much pain hehind these eyes this life covers the truth with lies. I fake a smile everyday, slowly letting life fade away. From everyone i hide, The fact that i', dieing inside. There is no life inside of me, The mask I wear is all you see. Please dont think that you can save me, I've lost it all so just let me be. My life is all ready ending, And i'm so tired of all the pretending. So when all life slips from my face, I can only hope to go to a better place. Where pain no longer resides, And i wont be forced to hide. But please dont shed atear for me, Cause this is where i want to be. Theresa Kimberley Wideawake Copyright ©2009 Theresa Kimberley Wideawake

Secret Love when I look into your soft blue eyes, my heart lets out a light sigh, From the first day I looked at you, I felt there was something special in you. And as time went by, and day to night, I knew this feeling was so right. You told me that we were friends, But i knew i wanted more in the end. I covered up the truth with lies, By hiding how i really felt inside. I didnt want you to know that i had love for you, Cause I was afraid of losing your friendship too. So in my heart my secret lies, My feelings hidden behind my eyes. And it it's ever meant to be, then you'll see the truth in me. And if not they will stay under lock and key, deep inside the heart in me. Theresa Kimberley Wideawake Copyright ©2009 Theresa Kimberley Wideawake

always herd the whispering as I strolled on down the halls, though I pretended not to notice, I saw the writings on the walls. I saw all the looks, caught all the glances, If only they had given me just a couple chances. Though they dont know it, they've left scars on me, but not that kind of scars that anyone can see, they always put me down, and shoved me all around. They always whispered in eachothers ears, all the things they didn't want me to hear. I was the one always left alone, but now its my time to go home. And as I fall into eternal sleep, Don't you dare for me start to weep. I have one last thing to say, as I start to drift away, In this world I can no longer stay, Cause tis time for all this pain to go away. Theresa Kimberley Wideawake Copyright ©2009 Theresa Kimberley Wideawake

No Longer Mine as you lay there sleeping by my side, I try not to let you hear me cry. these memories are flowing through my head, as I watch you sleep on our bed. I remember the way things used to be, when your heart belonged to only me. you try to hide the fats so well, But you cant see it's hurting me like hell. I know your hearts no longer mine, and to say it is would just be a lie. I know our love has faded and died, and often at night I sit and have cried. I know I must now let you go, and try not to let this hurt show. I can no longer live this lie, I accept the fact your hearts no longer mine. Copyright ©2009 Theresa Kimberley wideawake

wll so long to 08 and thank god. Last year was a horrible year for me. Me and my husband of 5 years split up. and it was a horrible break up. And everything after that just seemed to fall apart. I am so looking towards starting over fresh this year. tho this year hasnt started off very promising. still going through a horrible divorce and issues wioth my husband dealing with our son. and just the other day my mother was admitted to the hospital. They say her heart is severly damage. It can only get better from here on out right?!?! I only hope so. Cuz I dont know how much more I can take. I am hoping that this year will be better than the last. and Maybe just maybe i will find that someone special to share mine and my sons life with. But for now i live each day for my son. he is my world and he needs me. no one could ever take my place with him. So im not going out lookin for mr right but maybe he will find me. and I wont be so lonely anymore.

i see the way you look at me, wondering how this could be. Why does she do it you want to ask, why does she hide behind a mask. It tears you apart to see her cry, knowing it's caused by all your lies. She slides that blade acrossed her arm, on herself she place harms. You tell her "can't you see you're hurting me?" all the while knowing her pain you can not see. She knows that noone will understand, and she's too afraid to ask for a helping hand. Uou can see that she is so lost and alone, but how can you help her find her way home? Her heart you want to mend, her pain you want to end. She wonders how she can ever forgive you, you wonder if she still loves you. on herself she inflicts pain to hide, the terrible wat she feels inside. she wants you to know she will always love you, despite all the hurtful things you do. she picks up that blade one last time, and commits her final crime. letting go of all her pain, she can finally see the sun break through the rain. Written by me Theresa K wideawake.