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this is lol letter to one person sorry
what the fuck kind of shit is that. stupid, u dont want me say so. if u do and u chicken then stop being such a chicken. do u really think its going to help a friendship for one party to reject the other come on. u lose that person no matter what once one person falls in love with other friendship is gone. it hurts to much for that person to be friend. u called it ultimatum but its only way it can work. lol the song my way or the highway is playing. yeah its my way or the highway it has to be cause i love me. u would tell me to step up and do this with any other man as my best friend. why cant u see that now that its u. well u eiher will hate me or not. i will lose u probably lol most likly but i will stop hurting eventually and maybe i will be able to move on. u care about me i know so i know u want that. i ruined friendship by falling in love. sorry about that its stupid.
lol been a few days since my last post yeah i still hate my blessed lucky life. well since last post i broke off with my fufiance. wish i never got started with him he could have been good friend but i do stupid things sometimes. lol ok most times. not sure why is it because im just really lonely or what. i know that i will not have anything serious with man for while if ever. i should keep it light. i cant give my heart to anyone its already taken. and im a dumass for letting him know. i did that tonite would blame alcahol but i didnt drink that much. lol who do u talk to when your best friend is one that u need to talk about. i tried the fumafia stuff dont get it. spent few days with my mother, to sum up that one i love her and i know she loves me but she is disapointed in who i am and cant hide it and i cant be but who i am so its hard for both of us. as i type this there if fudrama unfolding sometimes i wont to smack ppl and tell them to get smart but i dont know whole stories so oh well i just shut up and stay out of it. oh well ill just stay inmy corner. lmao i still cnt get rid of headache maybe my vacation i got will help but ill admit im scared lol never been on vacation alone before would give anything if i had someone to go with but not in cards. there is someone maybe but idk as i said my heart is taken. been looking for one man to make me forget. oh well. one day maybe.
ok let me start this by saying i know there is always someone worse off than me and thats one reason i rarely complain. but i got to tell u its getting me down.
the hours at work are slowly making me zombie. i never know if i should be awake or asleep. not going to get better for while either. yeah i know im lucky to have job.
i live in rv. not exotic not yeahh camping it freaking sux cramped no room to move or turn around. sharing it with 17 year old girl is hell its slowly ruining my relationship with my daughter and thats next paragraph. i cant have a friend over even if i had time and potential. no only man in my life lives way too long away for me to have anything remotly equaling sex. i know im lucky to have roof over my head.
My daughter and i are barely tolerating each other she is just being a kid i know that but its at point i need her to be the adult she says she is. she now has no car i cant let her drive it cause cant get inspection sticker cause some dumass wiht no insurance ran her over and tore up front end some and i cant afford to get it fixed. so she has no way of getting to work even if she got job. im know im lucky she is healthy and not doing drugs and pregnant.
my van has no air and windows dont roll down lol i live in louisiana. nuff said there. i know im lucky to have vehicle.
my ex or soon to be ex as soon as i can afford it has everything we ever dreamed of with someone else even the baby i wanted for so long. i know he asshole and im better off without him.
My man lives too far away i need his arms around me. I know im lucky to have him. kisses hunny.
ok im thru whinning i know im lucky i have job, roof over my head, my kid is healthy and basically good, and i have a vehicle and i met a great guy who seems to really be care. i just hate my life sometimes.
it always happpens just when u start to get to know someone shit happens and they or u got to leave net. then its over. yeah u give numbers but if they call its rare then tappers off. do they forget i dont know. do i. hell no. i havent forgot one person that i got close to in anyway. i sure as hell wont forget him. bad time for me for him. but he sure did impact me in way ill never forget. I will never forget the smiles and the laughs. hope things work our for him. i hate that i cant help thats another thing that sux i never can help.
well where to start never bloged before lol. ok ill start by the truth. some is on my page. i have extreme insecuties. tonite i got on cam for someone the first time he lost net. right after, no problem right. wrong, i look at everything as someone not liking me. ok he lost net i give him that but he didnt get back on yim where we were talking. he was quiet in sbs with me. ok he could have been busy but wasnt to busy to flirt in lounge with everyone else. so in my mind, he didnt like what he saw. i left cute sb saying bye to a really nice guy that i enjoy spending time with and probably just because of my own insecurties. and not just him but a whole lounge of ppl that i enjoy spending time with. y because im messed up. i never felt good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. been thru two marraiges that pretty much messed me up even more. i been working on this issue for a year now but its like i take a step forward then two back. i spend most of my time when im talking to someone trying to see what they want from me because i know they cant want to talk to me for just me.
